I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997).

Review #2463: I Know What You Did Last Summer.

Cast: 

Jennifer Love Hewitt (Julie James), Sarah Michelle Gellar (Helen Shivers), Ryan Phillippe (Barry Cox), Freddie Prinze Jr (Ray Bronson), Johnny Galecki (Max Neurick), Bridgette Wilson (Elsa Shivers), Anne Heche (Melissa "Missy" Egan), Muse Watson (Benjamin "Ben" Willis / the Fisherman), and Stuart Greer (Officer) Directed by Jim Gillespie.

Review: 

"The joy of this film for me as a filmmaker was in taking [the] elements that we've seen before, and saying to the audience: 'Here's something you've seen before'—knowing that they're saying 'We've seen this before'—and still getting them to jump."

You may or may not know that this came from the writer of Scream (1996). Yes, Kevin Williamson had written a script loosely based on the 1973 novel of the same name, which had been written by Lois Duncan...but that script was done before Scream was even a thought in his mind, with the success of the 1996 movie getting people onto the idea of maybe doing studio slashers, which is where the old script came into play. This was the feature film debut of Jim Gillespie, who previously had done work on television and music videos. Duncan went on record as stating she was appalled by the movie being based on her book (stating specifically that she had a problem with sensationalized violence made to "seem thrilling rather than terrible", particularly since she was the mother of a murdered child); incidentally, Gillespie aimed to film with as little on-screen blood as possible to try and not be gratuitous with the violence. The book was a suspense novel featured a group of teens getting into a car accident (in the book's case, a young boy on a bike) that leads to death for the kid and oddly enough, nobody else. The movie was relatively successful with audiences, at least enough to inspire a sequel called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer in 1998 to go along with a direct-to-video feature (nobody cares), a modern take of the first film for an Amazon show in 2021 (what?), and a legacy sequel in 2025 that was called...I Know What You Did Last Summer (ironically following Scream doing the same thing years earlier*). 

Sure, you remember the movie about a hook-wielding killer terrorizing four teenagers. And you probably had one question on your mind: What the hell? What the hell to any of this? This was Williamson's "straightforward" horror script? To be clear, I will say that I may or may not be a bit generous with horror movies when it comes to assessing them because, well, there are some that are just entertaining even in mediocrity. But not this one. It isn't even the barebones body count (four), and it isn't even just the fact that the characters might as well have been constructed out of a wood board. No, what annoys me the most is that this supposed modern take on the slasher movie is just the same type of hack stuff you could find in Friday the 13th. And that movie was meant to be taken seriously, but with this movie, I thought it was supposed to be a joke, right down to the scene where Hewitt twirls around before screaming into the air what is the killer waiting for. Some might be subservient to any kind of slasher movie when it comes to spectacle, but not me, not for this one. The funny thing is that the killer is pretty terrible at how he targets people, since half the people he kills had nothing to do with the thing that happened a year prior and some of the time he just sneaks up on the people just to...terrorize them (seriously, he breaks into one girl's house to cut her hair down). But it comes in such a tedious little movie, one that aims to say something, anything about what it means to make the wrong choice and have to live with it...and then the ending coughs that up anyway! 

Some folks might consider Gellar to be the highlight of the film when it comes to...acting, but in general, everyone seems to be on the autopilot you could find in any generic slasher, even with the proverbial dark cloud over their heads. They just seem more like they are waiting for the boat show rather than being spooked by what is occurring around them, suffice to say. At least Phillippe is amusing in that veneer of arrogance and privilege for a time, probably far more than you think he will go given the amount of people to be terrorized or otherwise (such as Galecki, who might as well have been a paperweight). By the time the movie has ended its reign of error, complete with the characters seemingly learning about telling the cops about what the hell is going on, you will have gotten the feeling the movie was the equivalent of a toothache. This isn't one of those times where I get mad a slasher for being a slasher, this is just one of those frustratingly mediocre movies to get mad at because there were ideas worth looking into. Why not make a mystery worth watching about people who can't cope with who they are in making the wrong choice? But nah, there was a hook story mentioned in the early parts of the movie so we can have the killer go with hooks because, uh, reasons. As a whole, I Know What You Did Last Summer has a few tiny moments of relief - the chase of Gellar near the end is probably the highlight, at least when not considering the humor at the movie's expense for sheer ludicrous things. But the real moment where you believe things will be good comes here: when you look at the fact the 101 minutes are over, and you can watch a different, more interesting slasher movie. Or just a non-slasher movie. Or, well, whatever. Anything other than middle of the road junk.

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Next up: Pumpkinhead.

*Totally not the point, but I don't give a shit about the reasoning for Scream 5 (2022) being called Scream. It was stupid when Halloween (2018) did it, so if I ever get to the Scream movies beyond the first, you best believe I'm calling the 2022 one Scream 5. Then again, the weird people talking about Scream in recent days about 7 on both sides make me roll my eyes. 

Rings.

Review #1919: Rings.

Cast: 

Matilda Lutz (Julia), Alex Roe (Holt Anthony), Johnny Galecki (Gabriel Brown), Vincent D'Onofrio (Galen Burke), Aimee Teegarden (Skye Johnston), Bonnie Morgan (Samara Morgan), Chuck David Willis (Blue), Patrick R. Walker (Jamal), and Zach Roerig (Carter) Directed by F. Javier Gutiérrez.

Review: 

You know what would have been a better idea than making a re-hash from before? Doing nothing at all. Ring (1998) is generally considered the best of the Ring movies, and it was the first film adaptation of those Koji Suzuki novels that had inspired everything in the first place. But The Ring (2002) was a decent American adaptation, one that played the mystery angle with a bit less subtlety but just as useful execution. The Ring Two (2005) stunk when it came to trying to expand on the narrative of its threat of "Samara". Granted, it is hard to make a sequel of a film that doesn't fall into the trap of explaining too much, but it just didn't justify itself in where it wanted to go without becoming silly. Honestly, the better premise for a sequel came with the 2005 short film Rings, which involved teenagers circulating the VHS tape from before as a subculture within Oregon that pass the tape along when they get too afraid at what they see before the one-week deadline, complete with videoing their reactions. Twelve years later, here we are with a film called...Rings. The 2005 film told you who was the mother of the main threat, now you get to find out the father and the manner of conception. Well, and the tape has a new twist to it, because even I would be surprised if they re-used the exact tape from 15 years ago without any sort of change. The screenplay by written by David Loucka, Jacob Estes, Akiva Goldsman while the story was done by David Loucka and Jacob Estes, which evidently took a few elements from Suzuki's 1995 novel Spiral (that book had its own Japanese film adaptation, which coincidentally was a movie with terrible critical reception). The movie was directed by F. Javier Guttierez, who had exactly one feature credit in Before the Fall (2008).

Congratulations, you made a boring teenager movie. There is just nothing here to really grab on when it comes to any sort of new scares, unless you count everyone but D'Onofrio being bland as horror. Remember that short film? There is a resemblance to that in this film, since both films involve a group of kids deciding to get their kicks in checking out the VHS tape (at least there is file copying) before they find a mark to pass it on. Of course, the opening scene is something a bit different: someone trying to avoid the curse by riding on an airplane. Let's just say you would be better off being frozen instead. I do think there is something about the weirdness of people willing to take an experiment involving the soul and other gobbledygook (college, remember). The problem is that the film veers back into the Morgan plot in making a more "intricate" story...oh hell, it doesn't end mattering when you think about it. Does it really matter to know that a priest held someone captive and had a child with them only to, you know...? Besides, the twist ending that comes in the final minutes may have been a better idea to do an actual feature rather than as sequel bait (which apparently was spoiled in marketing, begging the question how one can market so badly). But nope, you get the mildest of mild people trying to make things interesting for the most uninspired efforts. Lutz and Roe just can't make this work out together, seemingly bewildered at being in a teen movie that can't distract itself with gore or any kind of meaningful characteristics that happen even in hack films (you know, ones that are overly self-aware...); in short, when they make dumb decisions, I don't even feel like caring about it. Galecki is barely worth mentioning in the movie, as out of all the people I would assume could play the role, he would probably rank in the bottom tier. Simply put, he brings nothing to the role beyond what a community theater actor might bring to a role that is barely written to begin with, and you don't even get to see him very much once the movie ditches its first narrative trick. If it wasn't for the fact that D'Onofrio is already in the movie, you would've ditched Galecki to the side of the road, because D'Onofrio at least makes the effort for deranged dignity, one that grabs your attention like any seasoned pro would do without hamming things up. The idea of terror veering its way onto new technology (i.e. not just a friggin' VHS tape) does sound like part of an interesting idea for a film, but it doesn't come together for something to justify its 102-minute runtime. Instead, it goes with bland cheap tricks and writing that doesn't know what it wants to be that results in a forgettable effort. You would be better off spending an hour looking at a film shelf rather than this movie.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.

Next Time: One more movie for Halloween: The Week After 4.0 to close the circle. 3 from Hell.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Review #771: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Cast
Chevy Chase (Clark Griswold, Jr), Beverly D'Angelo (Ellen Griswold), Randy Quaid (Cousin Eddie), Juliette Lewis (Audrey Griswold), Johnny Galecki (Rusty Griswold), John Randolph (Clark Griswold, Sr), Diane Ladd (Nora Griswold), E. G. Marshall (Art Smith), Doris Roberts (Frances Smith), Miriam Flynn (Cousin Catherine), Cody Burger (Cousin Rocky), Nicholas Guest (Todd Chester), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Margo Chester), and Brian Doyle-Murray (Frank Shirley) Directed by Jeremiah Chechik.

Review
Please forgive me for not having watched the two Vacation films released before this one. They (along with Vegas Vacation) will be reviewed in 2016. Probably.

Ah Christmas. It's a time of year in which families try to eat food and get along with each other...and other stuff, because I usually just stay home. But I can relate to at least a few things in the movie, particularly the sticky sap tree, and trying to get a collection of lights to work...though I can't say I ever had that many lights (of course I keep my lights on the tree). The characters are pretty much what you probably have in your own family (no I won't reuse this line later) on Christmas, from over-determined to...bighearted to (insert number) degree of grumpy relatives. Chase certainly sells Griswold's lingering madness well. D'Angelo (along with Lewis and Galecki) certainly make for a good cinema family. My favorite scene with them is the opening scene, especially the part about getting a big ol' Christmas tree in the forest. The buildup to it is pretty enjoyable as well (I can relate in a sense to dealing with drivers from the past with my dad). Sure, there are moments when bitterness and circumstance get in the way, but in the end, it's all full of cheer.

In the pile of Christmas films (which apparently is almost 40) I've reviewed in five years, Christmas Vacation has moments of hilarity, but the movie's real strength is the seasonal charm that the movie evokes, especially the enthusiasm of the main character. It's interesting how comedies like this can be christened Christmas classics, but I can see why. It's not a perfect movie, but it just fits the bill of being a Christmas movie that one can accept.

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.