The Boy Next Door.

Review #924: The Boy Next Door.

Cast:
Jennifer Lopez (Claire Peterson), Ryan Guzman (Noah Sandborn), Ian Nelson (Kevin Peterson), John Corbett (Garrett Peterson), Kristin Chenoweth (Vicky Lansing), Lexi Atkins (Allie Callahan), and Hill Harper (Principal Edward Warren) Directed by Rob Cohen (#043 - The Fast and the Furious)

Review:
Simply put, this is the equivalent of a Lifetime movie, with the "saucy" details turned slightly up, with the range of cheesy acting intact. This isn't an awful movie, but it isn't a movie worth caring too much about. There are things to laugh about (Guzman, looking at least five years older than the 19 year old he is supposed to be playing), but it isn't exactly a "so bad its good" kind of film, because it is simply just a dull flick. As a thriller, it doesn't have much in terms of excitement, and it definitely doesn't have any sort of passion present in any of these characters. Lopez is probably the best  actor in the film, merely because she has the most presence (Corbett comes second, at least for me anyway), though she can't save the movie from being a dry sponge. Guzman isn't much of a villain, nor much of any kind of presence. Apparently, the original screenplay by Barbara Curry was about a neighborhood boy making conflict between a family. Naturally, this was change, where the age of the boy next door being changed along with her being separated from her husband. I do wonder if the dialogue was as bland in that screenplay as it is on screen, where atmosphere and any sense of engaging in anything that these characters say and do is completely washed out. One easy low-light is Guzman's character giving Lopez's character a first edition of The Iliad. I can't tell which part is sillier, the idea that this would seem convincing, the cleanliness of the "book", or this "bond" that they share for the book. The climax (in which it is three versus one) is just as bland, in part because there is no real sense of energy. In any case, this is clearly not a movie made for me, but it is also does not seem to be a movie for people looking for something beyond their Lifetime products. If you want to waste 90 minutes, this is probably a bit high on the list, but even schlocky sci-fi films (#755 - Starcrash, for example) work better than this.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.

Four Christmases.

Review #772: Four Christmases.

Cast
Vince Vaughn (Brad McVie), Reese Witherspoon (Kate), Robert Duvall (Howard McVie), Sissy Spacek (Paula McVie), Jon Voight (Creighton), Mary Steenburgen (Marilyn), Kristin Chenoweth (Courtney), Jon Favreau (Denver McVie), Tim McGraw (Dallas McVie), and Katy Mixon (Susan McVie) Directed by Seth Gordon.

Review
This movie is awful. If I wanted to, I could leave it that. But if I did, then someone might wonder why I only said it was awful and watch it for themselves (just go with the idea that people actually use these reviews as an influence). If you watch about 10-20 minutes of the movie, you will start to have a few questions:

1. Why do Vaughn and Witherspoon look really miscast as a couple?
2. Why can't they arrange the four families to meet at one place instead of having to go to all four in one day?
3. Why did I decide to watch this?
4. Are all romantic comedies like this?
5. Have you ever put a spending limit of $10 for each Christmas gift you gave someone?
6. Are there any likable characters in it?

The answers to the questions are as follows: Pass, Pass, Pass, Maybe, No and...Yes (Jon Voight, who is only in the movie for the last 20 (or so) minutes, and manages to be not only the least annoying character, but also the one who has the least screen time. Go figure.). None of the situations that are set up here are really that funny, feeling either standard or just downright odd. Tell me if this sounds like a goldmine of hilarity: Our main character getting tackled and wrestled with by his two other brothers, and this isn't just one time, no it happens (I think, I lost count) twice more. Of course the movie tries (read: tries) to phone in a happy ending, because I guess having the movie end with them not getting back together seemed not "cheery" enough for Christmas. This a movie that manages to be unlikable at times, but more often than not it's just boring. Why should I care about anything that goes on with these people? It fails as a comedy, it fails as a romance (chemistry clocks in at zero), it fails as a drama (read: last half hour), and its greatest failing is that it fails as a Christmas movie. This isn't a movie you watch to be cheerful around the holidays, this is a movie for people who honestly want to find any reason not to visit their relatives, because they very well may just be as crazy this year as the people in this laugh-forsaken movie. That, and apparently being married and having kids is the only way to be happy. I'd advise you to eat fruitcake before watching this over literally any Christmas movie. Except Deck the Halls. (Yes, I would watch Santa Clause Conquers the Martians again. Even Jingle All the Way). Stay away from this garbage.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.

Movie Night: Deck the Halls.

Review #497: Deck the Halls.

Cast

Danny DeVito (Buddy Hall), Matthew Broderick (Steve Finch), Kristin Chenoweth (Tia Hall), Kristin Davis (Kelly Finch), Alia Shawkat (Madison Finch), Dylan Blue (Carter Finch), Sabrina Aldridge (Ashley Hall), Kelly Aldridge (Emily Hall), Josh Hayden (Ben Hall), and Jorge Garcia (Wallace) Directed by John Whitesell.

Review

Deck the Halls...is just awful. It makes Christmas with the Kranks seem tolerable, it makes the Miracle on 34th Street remake seem like a better alternative, it makes fruitcake look like a tasty treat, whatever comparison I use, nothing equates to what Deck the Halls really is: Awful. The plot itself is just...I can't really comprehend it enough to explain, but how does one equate trying to make your house visible from space to be a Christmas film? Also how does one make the film so unlikable? I don't know, but the filmmakers did it, they made an awful Christmas film with characters ranging from near unlikable to bland. What I mean is that the characters that get the most screen time are the least likable, such as the two main leads and the ones that don't get screen time are too bland to care about, such as the children. DeVito isn't awful, but I'd stick to Twins instead. At least he had a fine partner to pair off with in that film, unlike Matthew Broderick, who just doesn't work well with him. Chenoweth isn't bad, and Davis is mild, but not awful. This is one of the worst ideas for a Christmas film as instead of focusing on spending time with the family (and getting mediocre gifts you hopefully won't re wrap next year), the film focuses on...getting a house visible from space. Yes, racking up your electrical bills and nearly driving your family away from you is truly worth it. This is simply the fruitcake of Christmas film, the movie you watch to truly be depressed about Christmas. Ernest Saves Christmas had more dignity (and entertainment value) then this, but if I keep talking about this film, I will go insane. There are much better ways to spend your Fridays, reviewing Deck the Halls is not one of them. Countdown to 500 Reviews: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3...

Overall, I give it 2 out of 10 stars.