Assassins (1995).

Review #2546: Assassins (1995).

Cast:

Sylvester Stallone (Robert Rath / Joseph Rath), Antonio Banderas (Miguel Bain), Julianne Moore (Electra / Anna), Anatoly Davydov (Nicolai Tashlinkov), Muse Watson (Ketcham), Steve Kahan (Alan Branch), Kai Wulff (Remy), Mark Coates (Jereme Kyle), Kelly Rowan (Jennifer), and Reed Diamond (Bob) Directed by Richard Donner (#075 - Scrooged, #355 - Lethal Weapon, #356 - Lethal Weapon 2, #547 - Superman, #619 - Maverick, #731 - Lethal Weapon 3, #734 - Lethal Weapon 4, #1452 - The Omen, and #1542 - 16 Blocks, #1700 - The Goonies)

Review: 

"Assassins, I thought Stallone did one of the best jobs he’s ever done. He totally underplayed, he was quiet, he found the character and he went with it. I thought Antonio Banderas was wonderful. The picture came out, and it did not do very well at all. Sure, it hurts and you know why you wish it would do better? The studio gave you a lot of money and you want them to make their money back so that other people can make movies...And I thought we did a good job and they thought we did a good job, but the audiences and critics didn’t like it. Did I feel bad? Sure. Did it get me down? Nope, nope, nope — too lucky to be in this business to be down in the dumps."

Admittedly, I picked this movie because I felt it was time to look at another Richard Donner movie. So why not go with this one, a movie released near the tail-end (16th of 20*) of a fairly interesting career? You might think the film credit for the writing is interesting because it lists the Wachowskis for the story and a co-credit with Brian Helgeland (who at the point had worked on the scripts for the fourth A Nightmare on Elm Street film, 976-EVIL, and Highway to Hell) for the screenplay. When Donner got the script from Joel Silver (who had bought the spec script along with The Matrix), he had re-writes done to it (which namely involved toning down the violence along with emphasizing the Rath-Electra storyline while not having a certain character included for the climax), which the Wachowskis did not like to the point where they tried to get their name removed from it, but the Writers Guild of America refused. Interestingly, both screenplays are available for viewing (the Wachowskis one is seen here, while the modified shooting script is seen here). Made on a reported budget for $50 million, the movie was not a huge success with audiences or critics at the time. Probably the only thing the movie ended up being noted for was a reaction shot by Banderas that became a "meme" on the Internet.

 

In some ways, it feels like a movie that is desperate to be liked. With such a limited cast of basically three (with one further person being shoehorned in for the start and end), you might be forgiven for wondering if there was a tiny bit of a Western yearning to come out (an old gunfighter wanting to retire, only to encounter one more gunfight could be seen in say, The Shootist [1976]). And there are moments that are fascinating in Stallone trying to play an understated hero to go along with a colorful Banderas. Of course, the sinking feeling of watching the film unravel around the backstretch of setting up the final  act combines with a middling Moore and an unwieldy runtime of 133 minutes for a sad disappointment that I cannot really defend beyond saying "I like the people* in it but not the vehicle they are driving." Banderas basically steals the show in the theatrics that come in "trying to be No. 1" for basic one-upmanship that desperately needs a funnier or tighter movie to really let him do his thing besides a listless one that seems to accidentally stumble into anything. He's fun, if only because it is Banderas, not so much the script or direction. Stallone could do things other than action movies, the righteous ones know that from Oscar (1991), but I do get why "subdued" isn't exactly an easy sell. Some of the time feels like doddering to try and make him sound more interesting than he needs to be, because really it could've just been a hard-lined silent type and that would work better than trying to play type with Moore, who just seems adrift in "hacker" cliches and little humor to really make for a connection beyond one you might see when stuck at the self-checkout lane at the supermarket. You would think a movie where a guy is chasing someone around in the craven pursuit of being "number one", complete with various "conversations" spent on the computer (as one does as a hired guy, talking with a supervisor) would be more interesting, but no, it's just generic stuff. For a movie with an alleged polish, it just seems all too sluggish to actually get anywhere in staging the action, particularly with a climax that relies on the adversary having to sweat out waiting to shoot a dude leaving a bank (see, because that guy did the same years ago, so it is...tasteful imitation) only to get frustrated to go the bank to confront said guy (which in turn leads to sneaking around the creaky hideout), because, yeah, okay. The twist for the end is just lazy and leads to an even lamer resolution because, screw it, we forgot to have a body count worth updating regardless of how silly it looks. As a whole, Assassins is just a bit too lazy to excel as anything other than a mediocre effort from people who can't override the feeling of watching an undercooked movie that never rises all the way above the bare minimum. It just doesn't have the milage to do better than picking any other action film of its ilk, which is a shame. It's an autopilot movie that you may or may not see some interest in if you really, really, really need to see a certain director or star all the way through. 

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*21 if you want to include Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut (2006)

*What can I say, Sylvester Stallone is a fascinating person to see in movies? Sure, I doubt I would agree  with him on say, a certain political topic, but really, how can I turn away from seeing whatever ridiculous stuff he starred/directed? And Moore, well, I love women.

Masters of the Universe (1987).

Review #2545: Masters of the Universe.

Cast: 

Dolph Lundgren (He-Man), Frank Langella (Skeletor), Meg Foster (Evil-Lyn), Billy Barty (Gwildor), Courteney Cox (Julie Winston), Robert Duncan McNeill (Kevin Corrigan), Jon Cypher (Man-At-Arms), Chelsea Field (Teela), James Tolkan (Hugh Lubic), Christina Pickles (Sorceress), Tony Carroll (the Beastman), Pons Maar (Saurod), Anthony De Longis (Blade), and Robert Towers (Karg) Directed by Gary Goddard.

Review: 

Hey, remember Masters of the Universe? The impetus for trying to make the toy line came from Mattel's drive to come up with something good enough to possibly forget their rejection to produce action figures for a little film called Star Wars [1977] (Kenner famously did it first instead). Various concepts came around from people such as Roger Sweet and Mark Taylor. Coincidentally, this happened around the same time that the rights holder for Conan the Barbarian tried to do a toy deal with Mattel that fell through (they later sued Mattel claiming infringement, but Mattel won out in their toy line being original). The figures first came out with mini comics in 1981 before further waves of toys and, well, your parents probably watched the Filmation animated shows, with He-Man and the Masters of the Universe running from 1983 to 1985 and a spinoff with She-Ra: Princess of Power running from 1985 to 1987 (with that show, The Secret of the Sword [1985] was the premiere, a compilation of the first five episodes that was in theaters). According to one source, the original script by David Odell (writer of films such as Supergirl) had significant time spent on Eternia and Snake Mountain but this later changed to what you see here with a fairly Earthbound adventure (apparently, the link between the two places was that He-Man's mother was born on Earth). Mattel decided to be as cloying as possible for production, reportedly not paying their half of the production budget on time and they didn't want to their title character doing anything morally wrong. The film was directed by Gary Goddard (with his one other film credit being the co-writer of Tarzan, the Ape-Man [1981]) in the only theatrical film he has done. He has done theater shows along with dark rides and 3D movies.* Released around the same time as Stakeout and The Living Daylights in August 1987, Masters of the Universe was a flop, with its failure (along others such as Superman IV) hindering Cannon Films. They had planned to do a sequel film with Albert Pyun as director and even made some costumes and sets only to renege on a deal with Mattel that led them to re-tool it for what became Cyborg [1989].

Honestly, I never really got into He-Man, because, I was born in 1996, Legos were just more interesting (and as for the animated show...no, sorry). You might say that could help when talking about a movie that probably has a special cheesy place for those who watched it back then. No, not really, this movie is a lazy, middling film, a Conan/Star Wars wannabee mired in a "fish out of water" plotline and a monosyllabic lead.  Goddard claimed that the film's storyline was inspired by various Jack Kirby comic books (namely The New Gods), and he wanted Kirby to be a conceptual artist for the movie. I feel like play-acting a comic book would be a more entertaining experience, especially since it would probably have violence against actual humanoid-looking people in it (after the first couple of totally not Stormtroopers get shot by lasers, how far can you go?). Lundgren (in his first starring role after Rocky IV [1985]) and his dialogue was re-recorded and dubbed over the original footage, which at least sounds better than Goddard wanting to re-dub the whole film with someone else's voice...in theory. For a character that goes around dallying without using a sword too much, Lundgren is left adrift to really say anything of meaningful substance (this is me trying to be nice in not just calling him wooden*). It probably is a bit of a casting coup to have a willing Langella (of films such as Dracula [1979], which I'm sure somebody liked*) go all-out, apparently because his son was big on the animated show. He hams it up a bit and basically steals the movie, which is a bit of an accomplishment when wrapped in so much makeup (as one does for a skeleton). It doesn't save the movie, but still. Cox and McNeill (future featured players in television*) just look lost in this corny movie with little to really make you care about them in a film that just meanders around with the bare minimum to offer (to say nothing of an ending that basically is wish fulfillment without really earning it). Barty, cast as a freshly created character because they could not make Orko, a floating magician for the screen...is okay, but it probably makes one appreciate stuff like Legend (1985) and Willow (1988) by comparison in the "comedy relief" aspect that only goes so far to distract from a movie that has folks going around confronting the new realities of a bucket of ribs. In a sea of attempts of support from Foster and Cypher (and those totally comfortable suits), at least you can say Tolkan was trying to be funny. For someone who really does have a varying bar of giving films a chance, this is a movie that is just too shallow to really garner that much care for what goes on in it (a sorceress being trapped has never felt so small). As a whole, the movie didn't reach its target audience in its day (people who either loved their toys and sure love PG-rated flicks), and there are oodles of people who will try to call it a cult movie, but I'm just not a fan to where I can't even call it a "just missed the mark" type of movie. So it goes.

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*He may also be a pervert, as detailed by articles such as this: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-entertainment-news-updates-anthony-edwards-pens-powerful-essay-1510344160-htmlstory.html

*Unpopular and unrelated take: I suppose there's something to say about He-Man being a "gay icon" or something. No, not really. People will claim anything as an "icon" if it sounds "cool" enough. You can say "Fortunate Son" is an anti-war song but people will still put that song on full blast because...it sounds cool. 

*I still can't get over mediocre that Dracula movie was. Goddamnit. 

*folks would see Lundgren on the big screen a few more times in the next ten years (Red Scorpion [1988], The Punisher [1989 - although America got it direct-to-video], I Come in Peace [1990], Showdown in Little Tokyo [1991], Universal Soldier [1992], Johnny Mnemonic [1995]) sprinkled in with direct-to-video fare.

*Friends stinks. I'll watch Star Trek: Voyager all the way through once before I see Friends.

Redux: Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Redux Review #168: Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Cast: 

Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones), Karen Allen (Marion Ravenwood), Paul Freeman (René Belloq), Ronald Lacey (Major Arnold Toht), John Rhys-Davies (Sallah), Denholm Elliott (Marcus Brody), with Alfred Molina (Satipo), Wolf Kahler (Colonel Dietrich), Anthony Higgins (Major Gobler), Vic Tablian (Barranca / Monkey Man), Don Fellows (Colonel Musgrove), William Hootkins (Major Eaton), Bill Reimbold (Bureaucrat), Fred Sorenson (Jock), Patrick Durkin (Australian Climber), Pat Roach (Giant Sherpa / 1st Mechanic), and George Harris (Simon Katanga) Directed by Steven Spielberg (#126 - Close Encounters of the Third Kind).

Review: 

"Indiana Jones was never a machine. I think one of the things we brought to the genre—and we didn’t coin the genre; it’s been around a lot longer than we’ve been around—but one of the things that George [Lucas] and I and, originally, Larry Kasdan, the writer of Raiders of the Lost Ark, brought to the genre, was the willingness to allow our leading man to get hurt and to express his pain and to get his mad out and to take pratfalls and sometimes be the butt of his own jokes. I mean, Indiana Jones is not a perfect hero, and his imperfections, I think, make the audience feel that, with a little more exercise and a little more courage, they could be just like him. So he’s not the Terminator. He’s not so far away from the people who go to see the movies that he’s inaccessible to their own dreams and aspirations."

What is it about Indiana Jones that drives so much fascination after 45 years? As the story goes, George Lucas, fresh off American Graffiti, had ideas in mind about wanting to do a movie like the ones he used to see a kid. He thought of doing an adventure with a college professor who basically was like James Bond on as "a bounty hunter of antiquities" that liked the nightclub. A little collaboration with his friend Philip Kaufman (director of films such as The Great Northfield, Minnesota Raid [1972] and The White Dawn [1974]) led to the ditching of the nightclub but also led to the pursuit of the Ark of the Covenant. Lucas paused on the idea when Kaufman was off to direct The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) to focus on, well, Star Wars (1977). Incidentally, one person who wanted to do a Bond type of adventure thriller was Steven Spielberg; the success of Star Wars in May 1977, with Lucas and Spielberg each on vacation in Hawaii, spurred things along for an eventual collaboration (after months of Lucas waiting to see if Kaufman would do it fell through). Spielberg brought in Lawrence Kasdan, who Spielberg suggested because he had just convinced Universal Pictures to purchase Kasdan's script for Continental Divide. They spent several days in 1978 doing a pitching session that argued and paced out what would happen in the story (which you can find here, because it was taped). Kasdan was once quoted as stating that everything in the film "resonates from other movies", specifically adventure films like Seven Samurai to The Great Escape, where they chased that feeling while the film did not take itself too seriously*. Filmed in 1980, Raiders was Spielberg's sixth feature film as a director, falling right between 1941 (1979) and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982). It was released on June 12, 1981 with mild expectations because of the impending release in America of Superman II that was coming on June 19 (incidentally, audiences could also choose between Raiders or Clash of the Titans, or History of the World, Part I); the result was a massive hit that reportedly saw over 70 million tickets be sold in a time when people could see a movie in theaters for a year. It was nominated for nine Academy Awards that went down from Best Picture to Cinematography, winning for art direction, editing, sound, visual effects, and a special one for sound editing (that year, Chariots of Fire, a movie that I'm sure everyone knows beyond that one song, won Best Picture*). There were four sequels of varying quality (Temple of Doom - really good, actually; Last Crusade - a charmer; Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - better the next time around; Dial of Destiny - fine the one time I saw it) and a television show with The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.

It's easy to go on and on about the influences that shaped Indiana Jones (matinee serials, China [1943], Secret of the Incas [1954], others) or just go point by point about the beauty of the film from its cinematography by Douglas Slocombe or the tremendously diverting score by John Williams all the way down to Harrison Ford being the one to lead it over, say, Tom Selleck. It was released in a time where you could show multiple people get shot (along with the whole Ark thing), snakes going around dead bodies, blood splatter right as a dude gets chopped by a plane blade...and get a PG rating. The easiest way to describe the movie is that it is an adventure with tremendous respect for its viewer that has something for everyone in a manner that seems effortless but is actually the result of so many worthy things going so well. It is the kind of movie that benefits from re-watches in what you view from certain scenes the second time around, because there are moments that really are just allowed to breathe without needing dialogue, when you think about it (this may come from the fact that the movie was extensively storyboarded, because he felt he needed every storyboard to stay on schedule). You enjoy the people that enter the sphere around Jones in what they bring to the table in their own pockets of time, whether that involves a trained monkey spy or the worthy menace brought by people such as Lacey. It's a wonderful movie to look at, right down to what is right there on screen and what actually is say, a matte painting. It all rests on Ford being something beyond the matinee hero: an academic and an adventurer (okay that was paraphrasing what he once said about the character, but still). He balances the tightrope of strength and wit that can be just as vulnerable as he can be funny in an adventure that basically is a ride of humility (contrary to Han Solo, the character of Jones doesn't start out as, well a conman).

It's not all about rescuing and getting the girl on the way to glory, it is a movie where you really do have to close your eyes to see beyond what you think you know about the world. Allen is just simply charming in that sort of independence that we gravitate to even in without as much backstory to really sink into (which is where imagination comes to play when thinking about looking at the interactions between her and Ford as compared to the ones between her and Freeman). Freeman is a capable shadow of Ford, a disturbing presence in how sly one can be when collaborating with the worst of humanity because he believes in himself so highly as a fallen angel of archaeology. A fly could buzz around his mouth and all he cares about is where he looms on the chessboard. You get the delightful elegance, charm or otherwise, with Rhys-Davies (cast as a mix between his role in Shōgun and John Falstaff*) and Elliott (the always beloved British actor), did I forget that? Wrapped within its 115-minute runtime is a movie that breezes along in finding the pieces of the puzzle in its adventure ride that respects its audience in allowing it to breathe and experience the action sequences or its effects spectacle (spooky ghosts always gets a vote) that I probably appreciate even more than when I first saw it as a teenager. It's hard to really say just what is the best sequence of the whole film between, say, the opening sequence or the Map Room - you just have to see it (and I mean see it) to really believe it, where a B-movie feel leads to going along with its rhythm quickly. It's the kind of movie that makes you feel young again, and it is the kind of movie that scratches the itch every now and then to crave adventure and maybe get something from the pursuit of history. The second one plays to the lizard brain interests for intensity and comedy, the third and fourth ones pursued a family tale with leaps of faith and the fifth, well, plays to having at least one more good time in old age, so there's that as well. It is sincerity without becoming devout in the best ways imaginable. 45 years later, it is the movie with the best type of qualities: the milage of craftsmen at work all coming together for a true return to the great adventure.

Overall, I give it 10 out of 10 stars.

theme of the day

*Because of his work in the script, Kasdan was approached by Lucas to work on The Empire Strikes Back (1980).

*Nobody really dwells on a Welsh actor playing Sallah and neither do you.

*Of all the times to give an Academy Award to the British, good lord. I do wonder if Reds holds up enough that Warren Beatty deserved a Best Director award. 

*Incidentally, Steven Soderbergh did a cut of the film in 2014 that aimed to show how the film really shined in the staging, which he did by taking out the audio and converted it to black-and-white

*And, well, vintage footage

The Russians Are Coming the Russians Are Coming.

Review #2544: The Russians Are Coming the Russians Are Coming.

Cast: 

Carl Reiner (Walt Whittaker), Eva Marie Saint (Elspeth Whittaker), Alan Arkin (Lieutenant Rozanov), Brian Keith (Link Mattocks), Jonathan Winters (Norman Jonas), Paul Ford (Fendall Hawkins), Theodore Bikel (Captain), Tessie O'Shea (Alice Foss), John Phillip Law (Alexei Kolchin), Ben Blue (Luther Grilk), Andrea Dromm (Alison Palmer), and Sheldon Collins (Pete Whittaker) Produced and Directed by Norman Jewison (#127 - Rollerball, #273 - The Cincinnati Kid, #544 - In the Heat of the Night, #691 - The Thomas Crown Affair, #1484 - Moonstruck)

Review: 

"I realized then that the film, although made primarily for an American audience, [it] expressed the hopes and fears felt by people in both countries at that period in the Cold War. What the Russians of course couldn't believe, and were blown away by, was the fact that I had been allowed to make the film at all."

Vaguely, I remember this movie being on the consideration list years ago. In the old days of Blockbuster (before people decided Netflix was somehow better*), I remember my dad buying the movie for a rental, but I sure don't remember if he saw it all the way through. Anyway, in the dog days of spring, it feels prudent to cover some of the directors that I haven't really given as much attention as I wish I did. After graduating from middle-ground comedies with The Cincinnati Kid (1965), here comes The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming (1966), the sixth feature film by Norman Jewison, who also produced the film. In 1963, Jewison was given a book by a friend of his with The Off-Islanders by Nathaniel Benchley. The plot involved a Russian sub accidentally running aground on a New England coast island. Jewison was intrigued about the idea of making a political satire. The Mirisch Corporation and United Artists were interested in financing the film, at least with a good writer behind it. After taking out an option for the novel, Jewison was told by his agent Charlie Baker that the one person who could do the screenplay best was William Rose (writer of such films as The Ladykillers [1955] and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World [1963]). Aside from having to find a proper conclusion point to the film (namely in the catalyst for both sides to see their similarities), the final draft came around with relatively few bumps in the road, at least when compared to having to make a submarine (the U.S. Navy was not giving one away for filming, with Jewison claiming they made one out of Stryofoam and plywood,, although other sources say they borrowed the one that had been used in Morituri [1965]) and turning the Northern California coast into looking like New England. Released in May 1966 with a budget of nearly $4 million, the movie was a solid hit with audiences, and the film was nominated for four Academy Awards, one for Best Picture.* Jewison followed up the film with In the Heat of the Night (1967) with even further audience attention.

So, you've got a comedy about a few good buffoons all alike on an international level that works best for those who love a silly farce. Sure, the Cold War may be dead and buried now, but you can see the appeal that the film had for people who saw something entertaining in its view of human nature that has a few chuckles within mob mentality, misunderstandings, a unifying moment from an unlikely source and so on. You can mostly understand what goes on with the Russian characters (as played mostly by a group of Americans, although the dialogue director was a Russian with Leon Belasco) without really needing subtitles before it crashes along with the island folk and their own offbeat dreams and delusions (order, being a writer, you name it), with Saint and Keith mostly being the normal ones of the bunch (with kids such as Collins, geez...). Not to knock down Reiner much, but you know Arkin is the highlight pretty early, mainly because he has the confidence and charm to carry the film in all of its odd leanings (namely tomfoolery), and he does so it without straining to go along with the dialogue. You get straight-laced neatness from Keith and a good deal of bubbling annoyance from Winters. Sure, the budding romance between Dromm and Law can only go so far beyond "two cats awkwardly looking at each other", but so it goes. I do like that the climax manages to give the folks a way to come together without straining for a corny message or playing to some cheap cop-out, instead making a pyramid of understanding that beyond the odds and ends of paranoia and maneuvering, there are a few things we'll do with others when things get tough. The 126-minute runtime can be one to trudge along with if you don't go along with all of its frantic misadventures, and I get that, in the same way that I can see someone finding their eyes starting to grow tired in madcap mish-mashes such as say, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World. But your milage may vary. As a whole, The Russians Are Coming the Russians Are Coming is a solid enough comedy for its time that will probably work just enough for you to have some enjoyment within the time old (and multi-cultural) comedy of understandings.

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

It may interest you to know that the San Antonio Spurs are in the NBA Finals. What a nice time :)

*A physical place to rent or buy movies will always be better than a streaming platform. Duh?

*That year, the nominees were: Alfie, The Sand Pebbles, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, and the winner...A Man for All Seasons. All four nominations (Jewison for Best Picture, Arkin for Best Actor, Rose for Adapted Screenplay, Hal Ashby & J. Terry Williams for Editing) lost but each ended up being nominated for future efforts, with Ashby, Arkin, and Rose all eventually winning an Academy Award.

The Quest (1999).

Review #2543: The Quest.

Cast: 

Jean-Claude Van Damme (Chris Dubois), Roger Moore (Lord Edgar Dobbs), James Remar (Maxie Devine), Janet Gunn (Carrie Newton), Jack McGee (Harry Smythe), Aki Aleong (Khao Prahan), Louis Mandylor (Riggi), Chang Ching Peng Chaplin (Master Tchi), Ryan Cutrona (Officer O'Keefe), Abdel Qissi (Khan, Mongolian Fighter), Jen Sung (Phang Prahan, Siamese Fighter), Stefanos Miltsakakis (Greek Fighter), Ong Soo Han (Korean Fighter), Peter Wong (Chinese Fighter), Kōji Kitao (Kyoshiro Yama, Japanese Fighter) Directed by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Review: 

It feels a little nice to finally complete a movie pack, honestly. This was the fourth and final movie on a pack I somehow got about a couple of years ago that had four Jean-Claude Van Damme movies: Hard Target (which was awesome), Lionheart (fair), Sudden Death (hilariously enjoyable), and this one. As early as 1991, Van Damme was interested in doing a film that basically would be his farewell to the martial genre, as he once labeled it as "the Ben-Hur of martial arts films", albeit with inspirations taken from the Belgian comic The Adventures of Tintin. Amidst delays and other strange things (Van Damme apparently was going to fly above the city of Cannes for the 1993 Cannes Film Market in a Quest-branded hot air balloon, but bad weather scuttled these plans), thing eventually started moving with Moshe Diamant as producer for a production that had Universal Pictures distribute the film in North America. The script for the film basically became a rotted potato of half-baked ideas and disputes over who did what, with four names listed: Van Damme and Frank Dux (remember Bloodsport ?) were credited with the story (in a WGA decision rather than going with "Story by Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jean Claude Van Damme & Frank Dux" - more on that in a bit). Steven Klein and Paul Mones were credited with the screenplay, with the former being a pseudonym for Gene Quintano. Ed Khmara apparently was originally paired with Dux to help further out his ideas (after Sheldon Lettich gave some idea pitches but rejected the offer to co-write the movie). The result was a movie that ended up as a bigger hit with international audiences than in America. It is Van Damme's only released film as a director (with Frenchy, a 2008/2010 film, still unreleased). In 1998, Dux (who once claimed Bloodsport was based on his life, among other tall tales) sued Van Damme for improper compensation, arguing that his "Enter the New Dragon" and "The Quest" were the same film and that they had an agreement for money and percentage of the film's profits (somehow, one claim for the promise by Van Damme was an audio tape...that was unable to be retrieved because of damages to his apartment from the 1994 Northridge earthquake). 

According to Roger Moore's autobiography, the production of the film was not a happy one, with Diamant trying to get people to work extra hours to compensate for delays that were mostly because of Van Damme showing up late on set, with second unit director Peter MacDonald being a positive for the film. Apparently, a large horseback battle was cut at the request of Diamant and Van Damme claimed that the budget was more around $12 million rather than the usual reports of $30-35 million. I think you can see at times where the movie is a bit unfocused in that regard, as it is a strangely unbalanced movie full of undercooked characters and story beats that basically come off as re-heated leftovers from Bloodsport. I will say, however, this is an amusing movie to see through to the end even in its mediocrity. You get a story in a bar with Van Damme in elderly makeup kicking ass (why not?) and it all closes with a closing of a book because, well, why not? I imagine that aside from the kicking, the real appeal of Van Damme movies is seeing what kind of hokum-sorry, charm is meant to be present with his character and the company of people around him (which namely involves flimsy romances and at least one funny moment by a supporting character). Here, he seems a bit vacant, as if he is lost in the shuffle of his own movie besides the kicks. At least his ego is funny to chuckle along with, as opposed to say, Steven Seagal? The tournament as a whole just seems repetitive (one round beatdowns that probably aren't as fun to watch as say, playing Mortal Kombat without the fatalities*) and not all that interesting beyond the attempt to raise the stakes at the end. 

There's a bit more to it than that, because Moore plays a guy who tricks Van Damme's character into being sold into slavery while Remar plays the heavyweight boxing champion who never ends up fighting in the tournament...no, really.  Having Moore in the film probably was a big thing in terms of "stature", even if by this point, he was nearly 70 (perhaps most famously, he once joked that he had three expressions as James Bond: "right eyebrow raised, left eyebrow raised, and eyebrows crossed when grabbed by Jaws"). While I get having him there, it doesn't make that much sense when you also have Remar there in the "guys who come along for the tournament" department, with even McGee seeming more in place than having both Moore and Remar. Gunn is basically given the equivalent of when you give someone an unplugged controller, and Qissi is basically just doing re-heated leftovers from when he was in Lionheart (you'd think killing an opponent would help in the "villain" department, but no, not really). You might be wondering: what the hell is the "quest" part? Well, the lead character is a guy who ran away from gangsters after he helped some orphans get money, promising to return to America, so I guess he's on the quest for his soul (and money). Somehow in the aftermath of denying himself the "Golden Dragon" (to save the dudes who formerly tricked him into slavery), one is told in voiceover that he returned to New York and helped the kids get off the streets (while the others get happy endings). As a 95-minute movie that is basically split between the adventure aspects (a ship boarding, the training stuff) and a repetitive tournament that happens to end with the characters going outside the ring, it's all pretty amusing hokum. Sure, it's a retread of stuff you've probably seen before, but there are some movies where inflated self-importance is part of the fun for an action movie that is exactly what you think it is. As a whole, The Quest is sometimes amusing, sometimes odd and generally watchable even as a lesser effort for Van Damme as both star and director.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*I was never that good at getting the fatalities in Mortal Kombat, sue me.

Long Pants.

Review #2542: Long Pants.

Cast: 

Harry Langdon (Harry Shelby), Gladys Brockwell (His Mother), Alan Roscoe (His Father), Priscilla Bonner (Priscilla, His Bride), Alma Bennett (Bebe Blair, His Downfall), Betty Francisco (His Finish), and Glenn Tryon (Glenn Tryon) Directed by Frank Capra (#102 - Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, #319 - It's a Wonderful Life, #456 - It Happened One Night, #1356 - Meet John Doe, #2036 - The Strong Man)

Review: 

Sure, why not? You might remember that Harry Langdon had made his way to feature films with the release of 1926's Tramp, Tramp, Tramp (1926) and The Strong Man, which saw him directed by Harry Edwards and Frank Capra, respectively. Langdon served as producer on this film for First National Pictures, with Robert Eddy and Tay Garnett being credited as writers while Arthur Ripley came up with the story. Capra related briefly about the making of the film in his autobiography, noting that the publicity that came with the success of The Strong Man eventually bubbled over into making Langdon develop a considerable ego; he was quoted as stating that Langdon's screams for more pathos was misguided because the pathos "is in your comedy" rather than trying for pathos, while Langdon derisively called Capra a director he made out of a "two-bit gag man". Langdon booted Capra right as the film was about to finish (after getting into an argument over daring to need the lead actor's hands for an insert shot). The movie (at one point with the working title "Johnny Newcomer") was a decent hit with audiences (as claimed by Capra) and critics. Langdon worked with Edwards once more with His First Flame (1927) before Langdon became personally involved with directing with Three's a Crowd (1927). A rumor spread around from the First National Pictures lot (from Langdon, who else) that Capra wasn't actually a director and that Langdon did all the work. Desperate to stay around, Capra did For the Love of Mike (1927) and wasn't even paid for the eventual flop, went through a divorce, went back to the gag work and landed upon Columbia Pictures for what became a lengthy association starting with That Certain Thing (1928)*.

Work with me on this premise: A relatively young man (note: Langdon was actually 43 when this came out) has been wearing knee-pants (or "knickerbockers", as they say*) for years and years until at last, he gets a pair of...long pants. I guess the clothes really do make the man, because he quickly finds himself falling for a femme fatale from the big city who happens to have a mob boyfriend. Hijinks ensue for the runtime of 60 minutes (since it is a public domain movie, there are a few copies that are a little shorter or don't even have music, incidentally). There are a few moments that invite the idea of Langdon going into darker territory, mainly because on his wedding day, he tries to escape it the best way he can: trying to shoot the bride. Naturally, he gets stopped because of a goofy hat and gets spooked by someone doing target practice. It is a strange little movie when you think about it, what with people growing up in a flash because of pants, falling for bad girls into a life of crime and, eventually, wind up back into the "normal" world. The best gag is probably when Langdon tries to get a "policeman" to move that sees him fake a fire and other various things only to try and take a swing at just as an actual policeman takes his place. Langdon has been a slippery one to really appreciate, and this is probably the one that probably best defines that strange ability to go for a different type of humor that wasn't necessarily based on his baby-faced nature but something murkier with basically a goof type of character. Sometimes it is funny, and other times it just flies over with the pace of a one-winged mosquito. One focuses on his oddball stuff more than say, Bonner or Bennett, which is mostly on par with the usual average silent comedy in terms of just rolling with the gags over who goes where (yes, crime does pay, even for women). If you like what you saw from Langdon's earlier features, you'll be fine here, even if it is a bit of a hit-or-miss kind of movie in actually getting to the point beyond, well, pants. You never know until you seek it out...

   

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*It really sounds like a joke, but this is straight up what Capra put in his autobiography: Capra got told Columiba wanted to see him because Harry Cohn was looking at a list of unemployed directors and saw "C" for Capra listed first and said "God picked Abraham because his name came first. Good enough for me. Send for Capra."

*Knickerbockers you say?

Pickup on South Street.

Review #2541: Pickup on South Street.

Cast: 

Richard Widmark (Skip McCoy), Jean Peters (Candy), Thelma Ritter (Moe Williams), Murvyn Vye (Captain Dan "Tiger"), Richard Kiley (Joey), Willis Bouchey (Zara), Milburn Stone (Winoki), Vic Perry (Lightning Louie a.k.a. "Godkin"), Harry Carter (Detective Dietrich), George E. Stone (Willie, police desk clerk), George Eldredge (Fenton), and John Gallaudet (Detective Lieutenant Campion) Directed by Samuel Fuller (#1790 - Park Row, #2234 - The Steel Helmet, #2400 - The Baron of Arizona)

Review: 

"People living on the edge of society don't give a damn about politics. I wanted my film to be told through the eyes of the powerless. Cold war paranoia? Hell, these crooks were more interested in just getting by."

Sure, it's time again to encounter a Samuel Fuller movie. Pickup on South Street was his sixth feature as a director. With the finishing of Park Row, Fuller, under contract with Darryl F. Zanuck at 20th Century Fox, was approached with a script called "Blaze of Glory" by Dwight Taylor (a former reporter for The New Yorker before becoming a writer with films such as When Tomorrow Comes [1939] and I Wake Up Screaming [1941]) about a woman lawyer falling in love with her criminal client in a murder trial. He liked it, but as a newspaper man in his old days, he knew those cases take time to play out, so he instead wanted to do a film about an outlaw and their gal but on the scale of small-time thieves. Alluding to hot button issues of the time such as fears of communists and secrets being sold (such as the mostly recent case of Klaus Fuchs), Fuller stated later that he wanted to "take a poke at the idiocy of the cold war climate of the fifties". Incidentally, the working title was "Pick-pocket", but executives thought it sounded too "European", so it eventually landed on a title that was inspired by Fuller's special memories of South Street in New York (in 1959, French filmmaker Robert Bresson directed a movie, called, well, Pickpocket). He soon did research on pickpockets through NYPD Detective Dan Campion, who he based the character Tiger on*. Fuller was given credit for the screenplay while Taylor was credited with the story. Despite grumblings from FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover about the nature of the film (which never refers to the FBI at any point), the movie breezed through to release without a hitch, which saw it make double its budget of $780,000 back with audiences. In 1967, 20th Century Fox released The Cape Town Affair, a film shot in South Africa that basically was a remake (with Fuller being co-credited for the screenplay with "Harold Medford") that had James Brolin and Jacqueline Bissett cast in the lead roles alongside Claire Trevor.

All Fuller cared about was making a thriller about people on the margins, and he sure got it here with a satisfying feature that has a dark streak in people that wanted to get by with what they had. Even in a movie filmed on a set, you still have the feeling of seeing a tremendous city of strange seediness. It's a noir movie that is both rich and lean enough for all to enjoy for 80 minutes. It all rides on the cool nature of Widmark (who worked with Fuller once more with Hell and High Water [1954]), who is the usual cocksure self that is easy enough to like for what he does in the long run of tricks and guile. He doesn't care for flag-waving or people trying to get one over on him because if anybody is going to be the conman (physically or emotionally), it's going to be him. Fuller wanted an "average-looking woman" for the lead, which namely meant not wanting Ava Gardner or Betty Grable (contemporary articles apparently stated Grable rejected it, while Fuller's autobiography claimed otherwise) and landed on the bow-legged walking of Peters, who I guess is the kind of person who could make a guy like Widmark try to walk a semi-straight and narrow path, even if they have some offbeat scenes together; at one point, trying to confront someone breaking into his little shabby place. Widmark socks the first thing he sees, which happens to be Peters. Ritter (in an award nominated role) makes for quality support as a stoolie that still has a semblance of charm that shines right through to her final scene, an informant of the streets with standards right to the bitter end. The adversaries are the usual type of crook to lie within the lines of noir (really it could be anybody besides Commies), even if at a certain point you know where it's going to go. With a cast like this, it's got something for everyone with the type of people that show up every now and then. As a whole, if you like the hard touches of Fuller in tabloid narratives and being straight to the point, you'll have plenty to appreciate here. 

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Daniel J. Campion served 27 years on the force, which saw him serve as a detective on the pickpocket squad beginning in 1929. He retired in 1954, and died in 1958 at the age of 54. 

Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

Review #2540: Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

Cast: 

Matt Lanter (Anakin Skywalker), Ashley Eckstein (Ahsoka Tano), James Arnold Taylor (Obi-Wan Kenobi / 4A-7 / Medical Droid), Dee Bradley Baker (Captain Rex / Commander Cody), Tom Kane (Yoda / The Narrator / Admiral Yularen), Nika Futterman (Asajj Ventress / TC-70), Ian Abercrombie (Chancellor Palpatine / Darth Sidious), Corey Burton (Ziro the Hutt / General Loathsom / KRONOS-327), Catherine Taber (Padmé Amidala), Matthew Wood (Battle Droids), Kevin Michael Richardson (Jabba the Hutt), David Acord (Rotta the Huttlet), with Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu), Anthony Daniels (C-3PO), and Christopher Lee (Count Dooku) Directed by Dave Filoni.

Review: 

Imagine, it is the year 2008, for a moment. All you've got with Star Wars is six theatrical movies (and a bunch of television that, what, twelve people cared about?)...and a new film coming out, one that's animated. Then you ask what the hell is The Clone Wars? Well, your immersion has expired, but I might as well run it down anyway. Well, there are two shows under that title, with the first coming around in 2003 via animated shorts that was developed by Genndy Tartakovsky with digital 2D animation (and select cel-shaded 3D). Then you've got the 2008 animated series (now with "The" in there because, well, why not?) that came around because of George Lucas. Lucas had thought about doing this as early as 2002, once stating that Star Wars was "a sandbox I love to play in"; Lucasfilm Animation was created in 2005*. Dave Filoni was among the team of people (described by The New York Times as "young Star Wars-obsessed artists") hired by Lucas. The Mt. Lebanon native had studied animation at Edinboro University of Pennsylvania prior to serving as a storyboard artist/assistant director on a variety of television such as King of the Hill and also directed/wrote a number of the first season episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. The first season was pitched around to TV networks in 2007, but nobody initially went with it. Regardless of this, encouraged by the animation results he saw, Lucas decided to produce a theatrical Clone Wars movie, which only then got Warner Bros. interested in the show. Essentially, a couple of episodes were stitched into what you see for a 98-minute movie, with Henry Gilroy, Steven Melching, and Scott Murphy being credited as writers for this film. Released in August 2008 (the first and so far, only, Star Wars movie released in that month) with a reported budget of $8.5 million, the movie was a light success with audiences. Two months later, Star Wars: The Clone Wars aired on Cartoon Network and ran for five years (before returning for stints on Netflix and Disney+ because, well, why not?). 

It may actually be the most vacant Star Wars film of its ilk, managing to do the bare minimum in "space battles" and plot that probably does make one appreciate the live-action filmmaking of Attack of the Clones [2002] (especially when one realizes that the war is basically window dressing for one guy acquiring further power anyway). Things happen in a vacuum that probably are explored in televised form, but it all feels like the paint has rusted off a familiar format with little to really back it up. The animation was deliberately meant to be "a little bit of anime, a little bit of feature animation", one that basically was inspired by the Gerry Anderson Thunderbirds as opposed to say, Beowulf. With that understanding in mind, I can't stand the animation in the same way that I just couldn't stand Thunderbirds in all of its off-putting ways (but with no strings). There are moments when it looks like something you could create with a bunch of foam cups, honestly. The voice cast is in that odd spot where going from folks such as Hayden Christensen/Natalie Portman/Ewan McGregor can only go so far in a movie that doesn't really give them much to actually show off anything beyond the most perfunctory of things (this is a fetch quest movie to save a gassy aged soccer ball looking kid, after all, and I totally will never hear the phrase "Rotta the Hutt" ever again)...to contrast with the bit moments of Jackson and Lee (paycheck time). The banter between Lanter and Eckstein is, well, not exactly endearing, mainly because it feels like a workshopped encounter between siblings more than anything. I remember having basically one question about this film as a person who didn't see the show as either a teenager or an adult: what exactly is the point of Ahsoka Tano? Okay, sure, there were other questions (namely if the animation ever looked better), but really, what is the big fascination about this character that they have their own show nearly 20 years after this film? (going as someone who just watches the films, anyway, since this character never showed up physically in any of the movies, which suggests they were somehow important for the show, but not the main saga*). All I got from this film was a bunch of chuckles at the banter and that was about it. With such sluggish amusement all the way around, it only seems appropriate to call it a middle-of-road misfire, one that did not exceed my expectations in mediocrity.

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Incidentally, the only other feature film Lucasfilm Animation has been involved with came with Strange Magic seven years later.

*What the hell is The Mandalorian? Also, I fudged a bit, there is one Clone Wars "bit" I did see: "I am coming back from my ten minute ban.."

Obsession (2025).

Review #2539: Obsession.

Cast: 

Michael Johnston (Baron "Bear" Bailey), Inde Navarrette (Nikki Freeman), Cooper Tomlinson (Ian), Megan Lawless (Sarah Harper), Andy Richter (Carter Harper), with Haley Fitzgerald (Viola), Darin Toonder (Harry), and Curry Barker (voice on the phone) Edited and Directed by Curry Barker.

Review: 

"I didn't want it to just be this angry, possessed, dark-eyed thing. I wanted it to be more like, “No, this is just a toxic, toxic relationship, and she's just so obsessed with him.” And I didn't want to add anything that felt like it wouldn't… Because it's so easy to go down this rabbit hole of just becoming a slasher movie, but it's like, no, no, no, what would a person do if in the circumstance, all they want is you? All they want is to be with you. So then it becomes manipulation, it becomes tactics of like, “How can I get you to stay longer? Can I use my self-harm to make you feel guilty?” Things like that, instead of, like, “I'm going to kill everybody.”

Sure, let's do the new movie garnering attention that happens to be directed by a YouTuber.* Born and raised in Alabama, Curry Barker had met Cooper Tomlinson on the campus of NYFA Los Angeles and had a quick connection to where they made sketch comedy together for the channel "that's a bad idea". They made a few short films as well before making a film together for $800 with Milk & Serial, a found footage film that they decided would be best to put out on YouTube for their fans. Barker stated that he had an idea about an obsessed person and a relationship, but the wishing aspect came about by seeing an old episode of The Simpsons (specifically "Treehouse of Horror II", which involved a segment with a monkey's paw). The film was shot over a span of under four weeks while having a bit of re-shoots (such as including the opening scene or the scene where the brief confrontation scene after getting his hair cut in his sleep). It premiered originally at a midnight section of the Toronto International Film Festival in September 2025 and attracted enough attention to get Focus Features to acquire distribution rights in America. We've all seen a few things with the monkey's paw or with great desires of control such as The Twilight Zone's "The Chaser" or Tales from the Crypt (the 1972 segment "Wish You Were Here", or the 1991 episode "Loved to Death"). Or maybe the Wishmaster movies, or Wish Upon (2017). Well, maybe not everything (okay, I didn't see the latter two, but I'm sure someone did), but still. 

It's a pretty good movie, which is a relief to me in hearing about a horror movie that garnered some attention that did in fact make it worthwhile to see in a movie theater (as opposed to ones that annoyed me, like Hereditary*). It's a movie for those who realizes the fine line that exists between "love story" and "romance" and also know how terrifying it really would be to have someone obsessed with you to along with the ramifications of believing that you could actually make it all work even when basically being on the edge of the cliff. Regardless of what you think is going to happen, the fear all comes in wondering when it will all bubble up to the surface. It probably helps that the One Wish Willow is just presented as a cheap enough trinket that isn't needlessly explained beyond having "customer service", honestly (there are moments that are pitch black in terms of humor, but the line between scary and funny is a pretty thin one, particularly in horror). Within the 109-minute runtime is a fairly suitable opening portion (yes, the diner scene was added in) before the inevitable hammer drops that makes it all the more tragic, namely in the idea that might as well be timeless in people who don't really know how to say what they mean (at least the lead guy doesn't ask Chat GPT what to do*). 

Johnston makes for a capable lead focus to see all of this play out in basic pathetic nature, a man who doesn't really know what's so bad about being with him in the way he has set things. He basically ruins four lives (in one interview, Johnston noted he had a key contribution for the ending, incidentally) because of his own great selfishness, and Johnston handles it with such conviction that you want to keep seeing how he keeps digging himself further into the hole (anything to avoid rejection - note the fact that we don't really see this guy with anyone older than him besides his friend group). Navarrette was basically told to not play her role (after the wishing willow is used) as possessed, instead going for manipulation (one inspiration noted was Pearl [2022]). She runs the gamut in such an unnerving way of doing toxic lust, one who probably represents the ouroboros more than anything in the cynical nature of raw longing for someone at any cost. One instance sees them lurking in a corner, since the divide between Nikki and, well, the one trapped in a sunken place*, is pretty stark and that just makes the tension all the more harrowing besides just noting them using duct tape on a door. The chemistry between Johnston and Navarrette is unnerving in all of right places that goes to show that it isn't always a head-splatter that proves the most unsettling thing to experience in a film like this. The rest of the group fits the bill for what is needed in being swallowed in the vortex of ill-begotten ideas (the other thought that came about in the drunk Jenga scene is, hey, I want to be around that place). By the time the movie ends with such a good ol' downer*, you get plenty of satisfaction in seeing the perils of what can and what cannot be understood about decisions made for oneself in the name of "desire". As a whole, Obsession is a pretty entertaining horror movie, managing to evoke a good deal of scares into a simple enough premise of the perils that come from getting what you think you want and the fear in seeing it having an effect on everything around you. It's the kind of claustrophobic churning type of horror movie that will stick right with you by the time it all goes down.

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Hey, Danny and Michael Philippou started out on YouTube, as was the case with Chris Stuckmann (Shelby Oaks) and Mark "Markiplier" Fischbach (Iron Lung). If I really wanted to look for YouTuber movies, it would actually start with Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie or one by Brad Jones, because I really don't watch that many YouTube channels anyway. I head RedLetterMedia is fine? 

*Ironically, I enjoyed Ari Aster's subsequent Midsommar a bit more than Hereditary. I will also say that Beau is Afraid has been on my back burner for a bit. 

*Hey, fuck Chat GPT.

*Maybe not exactly a riff of Get Out (as shot near Barker's home), but one does wonder if there was even the tiniest inspiration from that. 

*Apparently the film originally had an ending (text is light, highlight to read): where Nikki died. A request by a studio to reverse that basically ended up being more bleak, interestingly. I will say that the only way that things would've been ever more fucked for a downer ending would be if: Nikki awakens after the dream is ended but she finds out that she is pregnant.

Mortal Kombat II.

Review #2538: Mortal Kombat II.

Cast:

Karl Urban (Johnny Cage; Indy Urban as young Johnny Cage), Adeline Rudolph (Kitana; Sophia Xu as young Kitana), Jessica McNamee (Sonya Blade), Josh Lawson (Kano), Martyn Ford (Shao Kahn), Ludi Lin (Liu Kang), Mehcad Brooks (Jax), Tati Gabrielle (Jade), Lewis Tan (Cole Young), Max Huang (Kung Lao), Damon Herriman (Quan Chi), Chin Han (Shang Tsung), Tadanobu Asano (Lord Raiden), Joe Taslim (Bi-Han / Noob Saibot), Hiroyuki Sanada (Hanzo Hasashi / Scorpion), Desmond Chiam (King Jerrod), Ana Thu Nguyen (Queen Sindel), and CJ Bloomfield (Baraka) Directed by Simon McQuoid (#1853 - Mortal Kombat [2021])

Review:

I honestly forgot that the last Mortal Kombat movie was five years ago (April 2021, which included a release in theaters and HBO Max, but I saw it the old-fashioned way: a year later, on the beloved DVD). The last movie (as based on the video game series developed by Ed Boon and John Tobias) dealt with a descendant of Hanzo Hashashi (look, I know that's a name, but that's just Scorpion) and unlocking the arcana of dragon marked folks while the Outworld gents of Shang Tsung tried to preemptively win that mythical tenth tournament in a row by just beating Earthrealm's champions in advance. The filmmakers did not include the character of Johnny Cage by saying he was a "giant personality" that would throw things out of balance, which is, well, probably a bit silly when talking about a video game adaptation about needing to win a couple of matches, but to shameless crib from my thoughts back then, I thought the movie was fairly serviceable for trying to appeal to the "people it wants to appeal" (whether that means fans of the games or action fans, I suppose). It didn't exactly make me want to play the games on a more consistent basis* (to say nothing of the stupidly named Mortal Kombat 1), but so it goes. McQuoid returned to direct while Jeremy Slater served as writer for the film, which was originally envisioned for a release in October 2025 that saw delays due to the SAG-AFTRA strike for a subsequent release this month. A third film is possibly in development.

It doesn't really prudent to compare it to those 1990s films with Mortal Kombat (1995) and Mortal Kombat: Annhilation (1997) (besides, Mortal Kombat II is R-rated). We've ditched arcanas and, for the most part, Tan as the lead focus for basically a fetch quest with amulets and a tournament for the "fate of the Earthrealm". So, yea, you get your pits, pools, portals and a disjointed level of storytelling that is stuffed to 116 minutes. Oh hell, this is my mind of average goofball kind of movie, what can I say? It definitely shares the flaws of the previous movie in terms of the evident qualities of flim-flam storytelling and a few decent moments of fatalities within a color scheme that probably would help to be a bit brighter. I suppose there's something to say about a New Zealander like Urban trying to play a guy that was originally a spoof of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Nah, not really, I don't really care about accents, I just go for the fun of seeing a goofy washed-up star that doesn't even win the first fight we see of him. Granted, he doesn't get the whole movie to show such effortless charm because the movie is basically split between him and Rudolph, but both are fairly serviceable to where the movie needs to go (more so with Urban, mainly because he proves that you really could just coast on just putting on some sunglasses). Intentional or not, Lawson has more of the fun than the group of McNamee-Brooks-Huang combined. Ford makes a suitable enough threat in terms of "look menacing while wearing a mask for basically the whole movie" level, which basically means you have to take it in the middle level between "totally serious" and "heh, what a goof" (oh but but you have to choose one or the other - no, not really). The fight scenes have varying levels of entertainment in them, whether that involves the Liu Kang-Kung Lao fight (probably is the one to highlight) or probably the Baraka fight if you prefer to see something in daylight. The thing is you are watching a movie that will have to figure out if they are going to create folks to get killed off or just go around doing resurrections (the aforementioned Lao and whatever the hell they will do after what you see in the ending) for the next one and I don't know how much patience one will have by that time. As a whole, it has a few ass-kicking moments and probably enough energy to make it over the finish line, one that specifically will work best for people who either like the video game series or perhaps select action fans who love slugfests of violence and gore. So it goes.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*This is more of a "nerd" thing, but I will say that it seems fun to play as Johnny Cage for say, the Kollection game that came out recently. Or Tanya, because oh yeah. What?

Iron Eagle.

Review #2537: Iron Eagle.

Cast: 

Louis Gossett Jr (Colonel Charles "Chappy" Sinclair), Jason Gedrick (Doug Masters), David Suchet (Ministry of Defense Colonel Akir Nakesh), Shawnee Smith (Joanie), Melora Hardin (Katie), Larry B. Scott (Reggie), Lance LeGault (General Edwards), Tim Thomerson (Colonel Ted Masters), Caroline Lagerfelt (Elizabeth Masters), Robert Jayne (Matt Masters), Jerry Levine (Tony), Robbie Rist (Milo Bazen), and Michael Bowen (Knotcher) Directed by Sidney J. Furie (#787 - Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, #2256 - The Ipcress File)

Review: 

“We knew we wanted to make a movie in which the audience could feel involved. And this seemed the right kind of story. I admit I consciously set out to make a mass-entertainment kind of picture; I did think, ‘Will millions go for this?’ But there’s no alternative these days. Nothing else works. And there’s nothing sadder than an empty theater.”

Apparently, the inspiration for the script for the film came around the time of the 1984 Summer Olympics. No, really, Sidney J. Furie and Kevin Alyn Elders started their work during the games that they found "very inspiring" and had arrived back from filming Purple Hearts (1984), where Elders had been production supervisor. They wanted to do "the kind of movie we used to sneak in to see on Saturday afternoons." After bouncing around different studios, it found its way to a guy who liked it because it resembled the Westerns with John Wayne. Filming was done in California and Israel (probably obvious, but the US Air Force does not co-operate with movie about stealing jets - this also involves renting out jets and putting on covers). Distributed by Tri-Star Pictures with a budget of $10 million to a release of January 1986 to avoid competition with Top Gun, (which was about naval aviators, as opposed to the Air Force guys here), the movie was a mild success with audiences (making double its budget) and it inspired two theatrical sequels with Iron Eagle II (1988) and Aces: Iron Eagle III (1992) along with a direct-to-video film (all but the latter were written by Elders*, while Furie co-directed the second and fourth film), all of which had Gossett Jr serve as the star.

Imagine making a movie that actually makes you appreciate the subtle qualities of Top Gun despite coming out first. There was a sliver of curiosity that this might be an interesting gem as opposed to just believing that it is the equivalent of Missing in Action being compared to Rambo: First Blood Part II. But it just doesn't cut the mustard for a well-rounded movie. Honestly, this probably would've been better as a comedy, because it almost sounds like a test run for Hot Shots! [1991] (just to throw a grenade into the discussion, I always thought Hot Shots! was less corny than Top Gun). And I'm sure folks had fun making the movie or fiddling with what songs needed to be played (an obscure Queen song! a Dio song that isn't "Holy Diver"! That one Twisted Singer song you know! And, in an indicator of my biases, George Clinton?*). And I'm sure it worked well for those who were still pumped up from Red Dawn [1984]. But good god the movie is a slog, one with dialogue that really does live up to the word "drivel" that just goes on and on for 117 minutes with not nearly enough charm to get away with all of the stuff it tries to pull. Sure, let's have a fake-out character death. Sure, let's have a character who loves playing tapes to do better in the air and also plays a tape of a thought-to-be-dead character. Sure, let's wave the "we have the balls unlike the government" flag. Sure, let's have a race between a plane and a bike (oh but it's not a normal race, it's a special race with special modifications!). Sure, let's have hijinks that are about as believable as the lies you tell your friends in middle school (Hardin and Smith went on to better things and good for them, because they get nothing to do here, and no, the hijinks don't count). And sure, let's have an incident that not only will result in no pushback from a foreign country but also will just be forgotten by America. All of this for a movie where I don't care for any of the characters, particularly with Gedrick, who just comes off as a prissy dweeb that doesn't really make me feel for the plight of this totally tense and not predictable film. To say nothing of Gossett Jr and a performance that sounds like a riff of his Academy Award turn in An Officer and a Gentleman from a few years prior (with little to really motivate anyone) or Suchet (future star of Agatha Christie's Poirot) and a laughable characterization as a villain that exudes little threat. Sometimes the movie looks neat in the air (even with its selections of imagery of what happens when say, firing weapons), but you know damn well where it is going at a certain point in wish fulfillment (blowing up oilfields of what totally isn't meant to be Libya, shooting stuff with dad, or referring to the current president and being confident that they'll help out - which doesn't happen anyway!*). As a whole, Iron Eagle was made to try and give audiences a crowd-pleasing adventure. For those who got to see it before a certain other film involving aerial action, I'm sure it was quite a time. Maybe it's the kind of dumbass movie you watch with a group of friends late at night*. For me, I just didn't care for this movie, as it doesn't manage to come off as anything other than day-old cheese, whether that involves being in the air or being on the ground with these people. 

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Elders wrote two other films: Simon Sez (1999), which he also directed...and Echelon Conspiracy (2009) Unrelatedly, you might recognize that Family Guy did a whole bit about Brian writing a book that cribbed from the Iron Eagle movies.

*What? By the way, check out Electric Light Orchestra.

*Gotta love the line about referring to Jimmy Carter as a peanut. Gee, real sick burn there. 

*Those days of friends ended years ago, and my patience probably grew exponentially back then - I had to once sit through an unrated version of Sex Drive, for god's sake. Now, with a support network of basically zero, I can stomach anything.