Mortal Kombat II.

Review #2538: Mortal Kombat II.

Cast:

Karl Urban (Johnny Cage; Indy Urban as young Johnny Cage), Adeline Rudolph (Kitana; Sophia Xu as young Kitana), Jessica McNamee (Sonya Blade), Josh Lawson (Kano), Martyn Ford (Shao Kahn), Ludi Lin (Liu Kang), Mehcad Brooks (Jax), Tati Gabrielle (Jade), Lewis Tan (Cole Young), Max Huang (Kung Lao), Damon Herriman (Quan Chi), Chin Han (Shang Tsung), Tadanobu Asano (Lord Raiden), Joe Taslim (Bi-Han / Noob Saibot), Hiroyuki Sanada (Hanzo Hasashi / Scorpion), Desmond Chiam (King Jerrod), Ana Thu Nguyen (Queen Sindel), and CJ Bloomfield (Baraka) Directed by Simon McQuoid (#1853 - Mortal Kombat [2021])

Review:

I honestly forgot that the last Mortal Kombat movie was five years ago (April 2021, which included a release in theaters and HBO Max, but I saw it the old-fashioned way: a year later, on the beloved DVD). The last movie (as based on the video game series developed by Ed Boon and John Tobias) dealt with a descendant of Hanzo Hashashi (look, I know that's a name, but that's just Scorpion) and unlocking the arcana of dragon marked folks while the Outworld gents of Shang Tsung tried to preemptively win that mythical tenth tournament in a row by just beating Earthrealm's champions in advance. The filmmakers did not include the character of Johnny Cage by saying he was a "giant personality" that would throw things out of balance, which is, well, probably a bit silly when talking about a video game adaptation about needing to win a couple of matches, but to shameless crib from my thoughts back then, I thought the movie was fairly serviceable for trying to appeal to the "people it wants to appeal" (whether that means fans of the games or action fans, I suppose). It didn't exactly make me want to play the games on a more consistent basis* (to say nothing of the stupidly named Mortal Kombat 1), but so it goes. McQuoid returned to direct while Jeremy Slater served as writer for the film, which was originally envisioned for a release in October 2025 that saw delays due to the SAG-AFTRA strike for a subsequent release this month. A third film is possibly in development.

It doesn't really prudent to compare it to those 1990s films with Mortal Kombat (1995) and Mortal Kombat: Annhilation (1997) (besides, Mortal Kombat II is R-rated). We've ditched arcanas and, for the most part, Tan as the lead focus for basically a fetch quest with amulets and a tournament for the "fate of the Earthrealm". So, yea, you get your pits, pools, portals and a disjointed level of storytelling that is stuffed to 116 minutes. Oh hell, this is my mind of average goofball kind of movie, what can I say? It definitely shares the flaws of the previous movie in terms of the evident qualities of flim-flam storytelling and a few decent moments of fatalities within a color scheme that probably would help to be a bit brighter. I suppose there's something to say about a New Zealander like Urban trying to play a guy that was originally a spoof of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Nah, not really, I don't really care about accents, I just go for the fun of seeing a goofy washed-up star that doesn't even win the first fight we see of him. Granted, he doesn't get the whole movie to show such effortless charm because the movie is basically split between him and Rudolph, but both are fairly serviceable to where the movie needs to go (more so with Urban, mainly because he proves that you really could just coast on just putting on some sunglasses). Intentional or not, Lawson has more of the fun than the group of McNamee-Brooks-Huang combined. Ford makes a suitable enough threat in terms of "look menacing while wearing a mask for basically the whole movie" level, which basically means you have to take it in the middle level between "totally serious" and "heh, what a goof" (oh but but you have to choose one or the other - no, not really). The fight scenes have varying levels of entertainment in them, whether that involves the Liu Kang-Kung Lao fight (probably is the one to highlight) or probably the Baraka fight if you prefer to see something in daylight. The thing is you are watching a movie that will have to figure out if they are going to create folks to get killed off or just go around doing resurrections (the aforementioned Lao and whatever the hell they will do after what you see in the ending) for the next one and I don't know how much patience one will have by that time. As a whole, it has a few ass-kicking moments and probably enough energy to make it over the finish line, one that specifically will work best for people who either like the video game series or perhaps select action fans who love slugfests of violence and gore. So it goes.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*This is more of a "nerd" thing, but I will say that it seems fun to play as Johnny Cage for say, the Kollection game that came out recently. Or Tanya, because oh yeah. What?

Iron Eagle.

Review #2537: Iron Eagle.

Cast: 

Louis Gossett Jr (Colonel Charles "Chappy" Sinclair), Jason Gedrick (Doug Masters), David Suchet (Ministry of Defense Colonel Akir Nakesh), Shawnee Smith (Joanie), Melora Hardin (Katie), Larry B. Scott (Reggie), Lance LeGault (General Edwards), Tim Thomerson (Colonel Ted Masters), Caroline Lagerfelt (Elizabeth Masters), Robert Jayne (Matt Masters), Jerry Levine (Tony), Robbie Rist (Milo Bazen), and Michael Bowen (Knotcher) Directed by Sidney J. Furie (#787 - Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, #2256 - The Ipcress File)

Review: 

“We knew we wanted to make a movie in which the audience could feel involved. And this seemed the right kind of story. I admit I consciously set out to make a mass-entertainment kind of picture; I did think, ‘Will millions go for this?’ But there’s no alternative these days. Nothing else works. And there’s nothing sadder than an empty theater.”

Apparently, the inspiration for the script for the film came around the time of the 1984 Summer Olympics. No, really, Sidney J. Furie and Kevin Alyn Elders started their work during the games that they found "very inspiring" and had arrived back from filming Purple Hearts (1984), where Elders had been production supervisor. They wanted to do "the kind of movie we used to sneak in to see on Saturday afternoons." After bouncing around different studios, it found its way to a guy who liked it because it resembled the Westerns with John Wayne. Filming was done in California and Israel (probably obvious, but the US Air Force does not co-operate with movie about stealing jets - this also involves renting out jets and putting on covers). Distributed by Tri-Star Pictures with a budget of $10 million to a release of January 1986 to avoid competition with Top Gun, (which was about naval aviators, as opposed to the Air Force guys here), the movie was a mild success with audiences (making double its budget) and it inspired two theatrical sequels with Iron Eagle II (1988) and Aces: Iron Eagle III (1992) along with a direct-to-video film (all but the latter were written by Elders*, while Furie co-directed the second and fourth film), all of which had Gossett Jr serve as the star.

Imagine making a movie that actually makes you appreciate the subtle qualities of Top Gun despite coming out first. There was a sliver of curiosity that this might be an interesting gem as opposed to just believing that it is the equivalent of Missing in Action being compared to Rambo: First Blood Part II. But it just doesn't cut the mustard for a well-rounded movie. Honestly, this probably would've been better as a comedy, because it almost sounds like a test run for Hot Shots! [1991] (just to throw a grenade into the discussion, I always thought Hot Shots! was less corny than Top Gun). And I'm sure folks had fun making the movie or fiddling with what songs needed to be played (an obscure Queen song! a Dio song that isn't "Holy Diver"! That one Twisted Singer song you know! And, in an indicator of my biases, George Clinton?*). And I'm sure it worked well for those who were still pumped up from Red Dawn [1984]. But good god the movie is a slog, one with dialogue that really does live up to the word "drivel" that just goes on and on for 117 minutes with not nearly enough charm to get away with all of the stuff it tries to pull. Sure, let's have a fake-out character death. Sure, let's have a character who loves playing tapes to do better in the air and also plays a tape of a thought-to-be-dead character. Sure, let's wave the "we have the balls unlike the government" flag. Sure, let's have a race between a plane and a bike (oh but it's not a normal race, it's a special race with special modifications!). Sure, let's have hijinks that are about as believable as the lies you tell your friends in middle school (Hardin and Smith went on to better things and good for them, because they get nothing to do here, and no, the hijinks don't count). And sure, let's have an incident that not only will result in no pushback from a foreign country but also will just be forgotten by America. All of this for a movie where I don't care for any of the characters, particularly with Gedrick, who just comes off as a prissy dweeb that doesn't really make me feel for the plight of this totally tense and not predictable film. To say nothing of Gossett Jr and a performance that sounds like a riff of his Academy Award turn in An Officer and a Gentleman from a few years prior (with little to really motivate anyone) or Suchet (future star of Agatha Christie's Poirot) and a laughable characterization as a villain that exudes little threat. Sometimes the movie looks neat in the air (even with its selections of imagery of what happens when say, firing weapons), but you know damn well where it is going at a certain point in wish fulfillment (blowing up oilfields of what totally isn't meant to be Libya, shooting stuff with dad, or referring to the current president and being confident that they'll help out - which doesn't happen anyway!*). As a whole, Iron Eagle was made to try and give audiences a crowd-pleasing adventure. For those who got to see it before a certain other film involving aerial action, I'm sure it was quite a time. Maybe it's the kind of dumbass movie you watch with a group of friends late at night*. For me, I just didn't care for this movie, as it doesn't manage to come off as anything other than day-old cheese, whether that involves being in the air or being on the ground with these people. 

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Elders wrote two other films: Simon Sez (1999), which he also directed...and Echelon Conspiracy (2009) Unrelatedly, you might recognize that Family Guy did a whole bit about Brian writing a book that cribbed from the Iron Eagle movies.

*What? By the way, check out Electric Light Orchestra.

*Gotta love the line about referring to Jimmy Carter as a peanut. Gee, real sick burn there. 

*Those days of friends ended years ago, and my patience probably grew exponentially back then - I had to once sit through an unrated version of Sex Drive, for god's sake. Now, with a support network of basically zero, I can stomach anything.

Blue Thunder.

Review #2536: Blue Thunder.

Cast: 

Roy Scheider (LAPD Officer Frank Murphy), Warren Oates (LAPD Capt. Jack Braddock), Candy Clark (Kate), Daniel Stern (LAPD Officer Richard Lymangood), Malcolm McDowell (United States Army Colonel F.E. Cochrane), Paul Roebling (Icelan), David Sheiner (Fletcher), Joe Santos (Montoya), Jason Bernard (The Mayor), Robin Braxton (Councilwoman Diane McNeely), Ed Bernard (Sgt. Short James Murtaugh (Alf Hewitt), Jack Murdock (Kress), with Mario Machado (Himself), and Anthony James (Grundelius) Directed by John Badham (#088 - Short Circuit, #1293 - Dracula (1979), #1456 - Saturday Night Fever, #1610 - WarGames, #1805 - The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings)

Review: 

Okay, this one came about because it was on a movie-pack. Can you blame me? The impetus for the original script by Dan O'Bannon and Don Jakoby (an old friend of O'Bannon from film school*) apparently came from their experiences with low-flying police helicopters intruding on their surroundings in Los Angeles. The script was written in late 1978 with a deal by 1979. They envisioned a psychological thriller about the perils of a police state using surveillance such as helicopters for population control. For instance, Scheider's character was "truly mad" and ended up getting shot down. Eventually, it became what O'Bannon called "more of a fantasy cartoon". John Badham brought in Dean Riesner* to do a "couple of page one rewrite jobs" on the script (which namely saw the inclusion of Stern's character and a good deal of scenes involving Oates) but did not receive credit in favor of only O'Bannon and Jakoby (the two worked on a few more screenplays together with Lifeforce [1985] and Invaders from Mars [1986]). It was filmed in the summer of 1981 but not released until 1983. Produced by Rastar for Columbia Pictures for $22 million, the movie made almost two times its budget back with audiences. In 1984, ABC aired a television spinoff that featured James Farentino and Dana Carvey that ran for eleven episodes. On a probably unrelated note, Airwolf, a show with an "advanced prototype supersonic helicopter", premiered that same year on CBS that ran for four seasons.

You don't get too many movies going "The hardware, weaponry and surveillance systems depicted in this film are real and in use in the United States today." Admittedly, it is an offbeat kind of movie, relying on sheer adrenaline for its aerial action that provides a few delights to go along with a fairly game cast to ride the wave over a film that loves to seep into fantasy but doesn't become a big joke once you're done with its 109 minute runtime. So, what's the big thing for the film? A helicopter that basically is a flying fortress that can peer into conversations from a few miles away along with armor, guns, infrared scanners, a mode to fly silently and, well, you get the idea, it's the kind of thing that could be used to help curb discontent before the Summer Olympics in Los Angeles (1984...or 2028, you might ask). I'm not particularly sure the film is too prescient about actually saying something about the surveillance state, but at least it closes on a high note with what you probably want best: helicopter fighting and stumbling onto conspiracies without becoming a crackpot*. It helps that within the mix of air-action, composites and other various tricks (as seen here), you get a worthwhile looking experience for the time spent rather than feeling like it went for nothing.

Apparently, Scheider took the role because he wanted to make sure he couldn't be available for Jaws 3-D (1983). It isn't exactly a great role to really glom onto besides the usual "everyman" type with a few quirks (fiddling with a watch, namely), but he handles it with the usual gritted patience that you care for pretty early on without terming him as an old "wiseass". Being paired with Stern proves pretty vital for a couple of chuckles in seeing what goes on for work (at least when it isn't disrupted by say, a conspiracy or gawking at people). Or leisure time with Clark (at least this isn't a case of severe age difference between lovers, merely being, what 15 years?). McDowell may not have as much to do in say, bombastic menace, but he is capable enough to present a threat worth seeing getting to the end of the line (incidentally, McDowell has a fear of flying, so note the look on his face anytime he is in the air, although I will say that helicopters aren't exactly high on the list of favorable transport). This was the penultimate film appearance for Oates, who had passed away in April 1982 during post-production (his last film was released later with Tough Enough). He still has that edge of hard-lined humor that comes through with how he makes an impression on the viewer with a few good lines that get spread out (as a presence, his is surely missed then as now) for a delight. In general, the movie moves along with a comic book sensibility to throwing things onto the wall to see what sticks, whether that involves a test run of the helicopter to a group in a secluded place (whereupon the helicopter gets the terrorist dummy targets and also shoots a bunch of bystanders) or the climax where one gets to see a few tricks to avoid deadly heat-seeking missiles (emphasis on "heat"). As a whole, you get a bit of aerial jousting to go along with some residing charm to make for a solid enough movie to enjoy on a late night, preferably with no helicopters buzzing along in the sky.

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

Game 1 of the 2026 Western Conference Finals is today. Go Spurs Go, vanquish the (blue) Thunder.

*Fun fact: O'Bannon co-wrote the original story of Alien with Ronald Shusett and actually had a problem with the inclusion of Ash into the film. Are you kidding me, dude?

*Reisner was an interesting person in film. He appeared in films as a kid such as The Pilgrim and then became a writer with work on Code of the Secret Service (1939) before he was 25 years old and directed a movie that won an Honorary Academy Award with Bill and Coo (1948), a movie where birds were costumed as humans acting on one of the smallest film sets ever. Oh, and then he was a writer on a handful of television shows and co-writer of movies such as Dirty Harry (1971). He died of natural causes in 2002 at the age of 83.

*I'm not sure I've mentioned this before, but my conspiracy theory is that the conspiracy about the JFK assassination was spread by people too embhassased about failing to protect the president so they spread the most insane stuff to muddy the waters over it being just one guy shooting someone for his own reasons. The Jack Ruby factor, well, I guess he was just an idiot (look, why kill the assassin of the president? For clout?). That, and also I think they keep the theories alive because they are jealous of LBJ. See, I told you it would sound like a crackpot.  

Braddock: Missing in Action III.

Review #2535: Braddock: Missing in Action III.

Cast: 

Chuck Norris (Colonel James Thomas Braddock), Aki Aleong (General Quoc), Roland Harrah III (Van Tan Cang), Yehuda Efroni (Reverend Polanski), Floyd Levine (General Duncan), Miki Kim (Lin Tan Cang), Ron Barker ("Mik" Mikalchek), Jack Rader (CIA Agent Littlejohn), and Keith David (Embassy Gate Captain) Directed by Aaron Norris.

Review: 

We've done this song and dance before. I try to have a bit of historical context with what Norris was doing being in a film like this, I try to wonder if I will find a Norris performance that actually evokes something besides doing a few kicks/shooting bullets and not really much else. You might think, isn't that a bit too derisive? No, because I've had plenty of fun with movies involving Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, and in the same year that Braddock: Missing in Action III was released, audiences believed there was a rising action star with Steven Seagal in Above the Law. Where was I? Oh, Braddock. Around this era, at one point in time, Norris was apparently was on top of the video market for action stars. It was the 15th feature film with Norris as the leading star and the first of his two films released that year, with Hero and the Terror coming out seven months later in August that were both distributed by Cannon Pictures; Norris wrote the film with James Bruner. You might wonder what "Amerasians" are that the film is about. Well, it is a term (with its type of double-edged sword along with other terms such as "war babies" and "G.I. babies") that refers to people born in Eastern parts of Asia that had a U.S. military father that happened to be around in the regions of say, Okinawa, South Korea, Vietnam, or the Philippines (the latter country once had over 20 U.S. bases for most of the 20th century). Coincidentally, 1988 was the same year that Congress passed the Amerasian Homecoming Act that allowed Amerasians born between 1962-1976 to apply for immigrant visas for the next four years (children and now their parent, could emigrate). The film was filmed in the Philippines (the irony); during production, four officers (military and police) were killed in a helicopter accident. At the time of its release, Norris believed that this was the best work he had done up until that point (I chuckle at hearing that as someone who hasn't seen Code of Silence [1985] or The Delta Force [1985]). The movie was not a major success with audiences, with Norris accusing Cannon of not doing proper marketing for the movie. Norris was not particularly happy with Cannon, but he kept being around them up until the latter went down the tubes by the time of Hellbound (1994).

You might remember that the second film had him deal with Braddock being thought to be dead by his wife in the second film. Now he is shown to have a wife in 1975 around the fall of Saigon. This happened to be the first feature film directed by Aaron Norris, who had gone from stuntman in the 1970s to associate producer in the next decade, and I'm sure he got to direct the film without any consideration from his older brother (they then worked together on five further theatrical films).* Well, actually he was the one who brought up the whole Amerasian thing to his brother and he was chosen when Joseph Zito* and Jack Smight each fell through. You could make the concession that "oh golly gee, what do you expect from an 80s action movie?" But this movie is just the same lame mediocrity that was present in the last two movies; well, less so with the first film, which at least had time for James Hong and M. Emmet Walsh to show up (the second had Steven Williams*). All you get here is a goofy Australian for all of five minutes and...not much else to offer (okay if you pay attention, you can see a young Keith David). Norris can say lines such as "I don't step on toes, I step on necks" all he wants, but he either can't or won't make scenes involving emotional investment actually matter beyond being a hack's vision of what they think a Clint Eastwood action movie is. Maybe it would make a weird double-header with the other 1988 rescue mission movie Rambo III.

It may interest you to know that Aleong (born in Trinidad and Tobago but moved to Brooklyn when he was 15) was a character actor for over 100 movies before he died in 2025. That is as nice as I can be for a movie that does him no favors besides a middling torture scene (at a certain point, this just seems like someone trying to do horror with the whole "lose balance and they die") and him just going "Braddock!". The one amusing sequence is a part where Braddock is told by a reverend that his wife is alive only to immediately be told by a CIA guy to not trust that guy's info...which just makes Braddock believe the reverend even harder. You get the usual type of dreary moments in the jungle and the inevitable rush to stand on one's feet rather than bend the knee (whether that involves driving the kids and the reverend to tough it out in the jungle or, well, finding a pervert groping a child and deciding to stab and then fire a grenade in said man). I especially love that the climax features everyone just watching as father and son come together in the only way possible: aiming the gun to shoot the perfect shot to kill the helicopter pilot (and also the general). As a whole, Braddock: Missing in Action III is mediocre stuff that does nobody any type of favors even with inklings of an interesting story and the occasional flourish of energy to cap out a middling trilogy.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Actually, he directed just one film without his brother as the star: Platoon Leader in 1988 that had Michael Dudikoff as the star. With a name like that, maybe I should do a Dudikoff Week just for the hell of it.

*What, no love for X? 

You might remember the former as the guy who didn't think Whoopi Goldberg was good enough for Invasion U.S.A. of all things

Frankenstein Unbound

Review #2534: Frankenstein Unbound.

Cast: 

John Hurt (Joe Buchanan / The Narrator), Raul Julia (Dr. Victor Frankenstein), Bridget Fonda (Mary Shelley), Nick Brimble (Frankenstein's monster), Catherine Rabett (Elizabeth Lavenza), Jason Patric (Lord Byron), Michael Hutchence (Percy Shelley), Catherine Corman (Justine Moritz), Mickey Knox (General Reade), and Terri Treas (The Voice of Computer) 

Directed by Roger Corman (#368 - The Little Shop of Horrors, #684 - It Conquered the World, #852 - The Terror, #931 - Not of This Earth, #1007 - Attack of the Crab Monsters, #1039 - Five Guns West, #1042 - War of the Satellites, #1136 - Gas-s-s-s, #1147 - X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes, #1186 - A Bucket of Blood, #1423 - The Wild Angels, #1425 - The St. Valentine's Day Massacre, #1674 - Machine-Gun Kelly, #1684 - Creature from the Haunted Sea, #1918 - House of Usher, #2030 - The Trip, #2113 - The Undead, #2211 - The Intruder, #2275 - The Wasp Woman, #2295 - The Pit and the Pendulum, #2434 - The Premature Burial)

Review: 

"I don't know how to exactly sum up my career other than to think of myself as a filmmaker. I've done everything, every thing from being a messenger at Twentieth Century Fox to being a truck driver on location to being a writer, producer, director, distributor, and even a sometime-actor. So, I would say that Tm somebody who has worked in all areas of motion pictures. I would hope that I've contributed something to the American film industry and I've had a great time doing it. I'm not sure that I will be remembered in years to come. But, if I am remembered in film history, it will probably be as a medium- to low-budget producer-director who contributed along the way to giving other people opportunities."

Well, better late than never. Honestly, I wanted to do this film last November, but I just didn't have enough time to truly give the film the attention it deserved, even with the occasion of the film turning 35 years ago. Coincidentally, this month was the 100th anniversary of Roger Corman's birth (having been born on the 5th in 1926 in Detroit). Now, you might wonder, what the hell is Frankenstein Unbound? Well, it was the little-seen swansong of Roger Corman as a director. Sure, he had kept busy as a producer, but he had not directed a movie since the chaotic production of Von Richthofen and Brown (1971). Producer Thom Mount approached him with the idea to get back into directing and after a few years of ballooning budgeting (reported to be $11.5 million for a film distributed by 20th Century Fox in the US/Canada and Warner Bros. for the international market), Corman was there, complete with a $1 million fee. The film is loosely based on the 1973 novel of the same name by Brian Aldiss (whose other noted story that was turned into a film being "Supertoys Last All Summer Long", which served as the basis for A.I. Artificial Intelligence [2001]), for which F. X. Feeney, better known as a freelance journalist was tasked to write the adaptation, although Corman wound up being credited as a co-writer with his input on the script; Edward Neumeier (of RoboCop [1987] fame) apparently contributed to the script but was not credited. The movie was not a success with audiences (according to Aldiss, a screening he went to in London had just six people seeing it), managing to go to the video markets by February after being released in November. While Aldiss apparently was interested enough to want to do a "Dracula Unbound" to where he wrote a script, it never came to pass, and Corman stuck to producing all the way up until 2018. 

It almost pulls it off. As pulpy and as ridiculous as it might look, it really does almost work as a movie worth thinking about on the offbeat path when talking about Frankenstein-adjacent films. I imagine those who saw the Corman movies from three decades prior that freely had fun with the works of Edgar Allen Poe will have a bit of curiosity in seeing what Corman has to offer here...and just wish it all clicked more. So, what's the setting: in the future (insert yell here) of 2031, a scientist has made an energy beam weapon that could destroy an object on a molecular level that he thinks could lead to world peace only to have it cause bad weather and rifts in time. He just happens to be in his state-of-the-art talking sports car when he goes to 1817 and finds a scientist that not only exists along with Mary Shelley but also is totally not similar to him in developing a major scientific breakthrough with dangerous consequences. Of the main focuses, Julia seems to be the only one who is really pulling in an invested performance, having a solemn dignity in his delusions about being one above the rest as a creator that can't reckon with the idea of being wrong. this isn't to complain about Hurt, who is tasked to play an American for whatever reason, although Fonda isn't exactly swimming in praise when you consider that Rabett is meant to be the key force to setup the actual climax (to say nothing of the lack of things to really do for Patric or Michel Hutchence, best known as the singer of the underrated band INXS).

I can't say it is a compromised movie in producer interference, but it just seems to be out of step with really delivering on what it believes it wants to show in the perils of trying to play God in the guise of science. It just feels like a movie out of date despite its strange moments of charm that prove too fleeting for something that meanders far too many times to not earn its runtime (85 minutes). It has a few charming moments, at least; simply put, even goofy schlock is better than self-important slop. Nothing feels all that surprising or particularly involving besides the occasional splotches of gore (to say nothing of the curiously stretched makeup of the monster, which goes better than the lack of material for Brimble to chew on). After a climax of transporting people back to time and killing people off as swiftly as possible, it ends with a bunch of lasers going around to somehow deal with the monster, who then voices the last lines of the film about being "unbound" for whatever reason. And that's the last you see of Corman as a director, a...voice of the unbound as a guy goes to a crappy future looking for a city (speaking of premises that might have been better).  As a whole, Frankenstein Unbound begs to really cut loose in being a film besides the usual trappings of a Frankenstein movie that isn't bound enough in motivations or in energy to really rise to the occasion for entertainment. If you like to see curious last efforts or films that might be a hidden gem in the rough, this might just be up your alley.

 

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*I really did want to watch and review it for November 7 to close out 7 Days of The Week After Halloween (2025), but I instead went with the doubleheader Mayhem and Suitable Flesh. So it goes.

Soapdish.

Review #2533: Soapdish.

Cast: 

Sally Field (Celeste Talbert / "Maggie"), Kevin Kline (Jeffrey Anderson / "Dr. Rod Randall"), Robert Downey Jr (David Seton Barnes), Cathy Moriarty (Montana Moorehead / "Nurse Nan"), Elisabeth Shue (Lori Craven / "Angelique"), Whoopi Goldberg (Rose Schwartz), Teri Hatcher (Ariel Maloney / "Dr. Monica Demonico"), Garry Marshall (Edmund Edwards), Kathy Najimy (Tawny Miller), Arne Nannestad (Burton White), and Paul Johansson (Blair Brennan / "Bolt") Directed by Michael Hoffman.

Review: 

Who doesn't love a good soap opera? I vaguely remember seeing a bit of soap operas when I was younger (I'm told Passions had a town witch?) but parodies of soap operas have been around since what, Soap (the nighttime parody that ran in the late 1970s)? Apparently, the original impetus for what became Soapdish was formed during production of Steel Magnolias (1989), as writer Robert Harling had a handful of conversations with Sally Field and Alan Greisman, a producer and Field's husband at the time (apparently, Sigourney Weaver was at one point considered for the lead role before rejecting it, a move she regretted). Originally tabbed with Herbert Ross to direct at TriStar, it eventually shifted to Paramount, with a few other changes as well Andrew Bergman (who stated that he did not visit the set much) gave re-writes to the script. Of note is that Aaron Spelling served as a co-producer (yes, in between an executive producer on shows such as The Love Boat and Dynasty*, Spelling dabbed in producing, with this being his last one as a producer before being an executive producer for The Mod Squad [1999] and Charlie's Angels [2000]). This was the fifth feature film directed by Michael Hoffman who actually had studied at Boise State University before earning a Rhodes Scholarship that led to him studying Renaissance literature and eventually became involved in drama. Hoffman served as a co-founder of both the Idaho Shakespeare Festival and the Oxford University Film Foundation; his first feature was made at Oxford with Privileged (1982). Made on a budget of $25 million, the movie was a light success with audiences. Honestly, I had this film on the shelf as part of a three-pack (where it was somehow lapped in with Book Club [2018] and The First Wives Club [1996]) for a few years, so there's that.

 

Sure, it's a light farce that has a few garish colors with its outfitting at times (as designed by Nolan Miller of Dynasty fame that you can see in select shots here), and sure, it moves along with a quick pace at 97 minutes...and that's all good with me. It is a dazzling affair wrapped in the odd quirks that come with big stars and bigger egos that lends itself to plenty of humor from people who seem pretty game. At the helm is Field (already a bit familiar in comedy for those who watch, say, Smokey and the Bandit every year like I do*) in a role that lets her have a chance to play a goofy pampered oddball that is affectionately entertaining. She clearly had enjoyment at doing a slapsticky type of farce that could've just as easily been played as a pathetic clown but instead has a plucky type of charm to laugh along with in the wide variety of moments that come with being a name that ages by the Hollywood minute while real-life drama and soap drama really can just crash together. The best little scene might be with Goldberg and Field exchanging in a little game of egoboosting when the former pretends to recognize the latter at the mall to the surprised glee of a handful of fans (everyone loves a scene-chewer). Kline actually had a bit of experience with soaps via a brief run on Search for Tomorrow, so it probably makes sense that he said this role was akin to playing a "psychotic", which seems apt for someone basically given some room to play a neat little ham. Of course the real chewer of scenery in delightfulness is Moriarty, who clicks into place in ravenous conniving energy from the jump, one who takes (nearly*) everything in stride. There are highlights from rest of the cast in neat little quirks that come through, such as the brief dazzling nature of Hatcher*, the charmingly smarmy Downey Jr, the relatively normal charm of Shue, the all-too brief fun of seeing Marshall/Fisher riff on the usual privileged executive or the beleaguered Goldberg. It's a likable movie with plenty of goofy little moments of seeing people have fun with the inner workings of "the right shot", "the right script", "the right thing" all going to hell at the whims of basically who talked last or pulled rank the best. By the time the movie rumbles to its conclusion involving offbeat revelations and a plausible enough sell of life basically moving along to the next season of gossip and looking for the next thing to chase. As a whole, Soapdish is a charmer that dishes out enough little moments of amusement to keep the viewer soaped up for a fun time.

 

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*I was going to mention 7th Heaven in the "hey, remember this show?" but I feel that mentioning the show starring an actual pervert seems a bit much.

*I know Field is a two-time Academy Award winner and all that, but, yeah, Smokey is the one I think about when I think of Field first, which I probably should rectify. At least I don't think of her as a flying nun.

*I don't understand the criticism of the transgender character being revealed to be the villain. What, are transgender people supposed to be saints in every film ever? 

*And as we all know from Seinfeld, "they're real...and they're spectacular." I will say that if I had to consider watching slowly watching a TV show from start to end from the 2000s, Desperate Housewives would be on the shortlist. No, really.

Shoot to Kill (1988).

Review #2532: Shoot to Kill.

Cast: 

Sidney Poitier (Warren Stantin), Tom Berenger (Jonathan Knox), Kirstie Alley (Sarah Renell), Clancy Brown (Steve), Frederick Coffin (Ralph), Richard Masur (Norman), Andrew Robinson (Harvey), Kevin Scannell (Ben), Michael MacRae (Fournier), Milton Selzer (Mr. Berger), Les Lannom (Sheriff Dave Arnett), and Robert Lesser (Agent Minelli) Directed by Roger Spottiswoode (#171 - Tomorrow Never Dies, #191 - The 6th Day, #1205 - Air America)

Review: 

"The movies I want to make are not people's priority. Nobody would touch them. They cost a lot of money, and studios no longer finance development, so if I didn't pay for them myself they wouldn't happen."

Admittedly, I picked this movie to clear a few obligations of mine, mainly in my director logs (as one does when "this movie or this movie?" is not enough). I came across Roger Spottiswoode and figured, why not talk about one of his movies? The Ottawa-born director was the son of a documentary filmmaker that had made films for the war effort for the National Film Board of Canada. He started his film career as an editor (once stating that his school was in the cutting room), rising from doing work on commercials to being the co-editor of Straw Dogs (1971). He was approached to direct for the first time with the horror film Terror Train (1980), which was a light success. He took over the production of the troubled The Pursuit of D. B. Cooper that came out the following year before doing Under Fire (1983) and The Best of Times (1986), which were not major successes at the time. All of this collides with the return of Sidney Poitier to the big screen, as he had not starred in a film in eleven years (having spent a good chunk of his time directing). The story was written by Harv Zimmel, who in turn co-wrote the screenplay with Michael Burton and Daniel Petrie Jr, with the latter serving as a co-producer. For whatever reason, outside of North America the movie was called "Deadly Pursuit" (one of the working titles was "Mountain King"). Over the next couple of decades, he would direct a variety of films along with ones for television to varying levels of quality such as Turner & Hooch (1989) or And the Band Played On (1993). 

 

Sure, it might be easy to call this one routine, what with it being a buddy thriller in the mountains between two people who get through a few personal disagreements to work together in pursuing one pretty obvious goal. It's a machine of familiar aspects, right down to changing the locale for the final pursuit...and I love stuff like this. It's a fun movie for the execution that it holds in its hand of entertainment, one where you can playfully ask questions about its premise and not feel the need to come up with an answer (or, "cope", if one is younger). Who cares about why just one FBI guy is present to chase a killer when it is so much fun to see the revolving door of moments that come from Poitier and Berenger. It helps that Poitier (who turned 60 in 1987) hasn't lost his touch when it comes to selling the movie with poise that is basically unshakable even when in a different element (as one does when stolen jewels turn into folks having their eyes shot out), and it pairs well with the hardened Berenger (always a charmer*, I would say) for a few chuckles in the crisscross of trying to move forward in a locale that curves on a whim, such as say, a bear encounter. It helps that the movie takes some time to actually reveal just who is the killer is (okay you already can tell by the billing) to pair along with Alley (decent, if not exactly comparable to someone like Brown) and others for a bit of smooth tension, because there is a bit of a mean streak with the body count. Seriously, you get a few people thrown off ledges to pair with an experience that eventually climaxes with shooting a gun in water, it is the kind of movie you slip on at night and just enjoy the ride. Both actors get to run the process of what they know best in their environments without underselling the other person. This was a movie made when films still liked to actually strive for a landscape to look upon with pride (it was mostly filmed in British Columbia, as one does when being set in the Northwest), suffice to say. As a whole, Shoot to Kill is a pleasant thriller for all involved, maneuvering through its 109-minute runtime with a good sense of adventure and fun that doesn't waver in its entertainment value regardless of how familiar it might seem because its charms are too good to resist.

 

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Berenger is a sentimental favorite of mine, I think, mainly because I re-watch Major League every year.

*By the way, this movie actually has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Seriously.

They Call Me Mister Tibbs!

Review #2531: They Call Me Mister Tibbs!

Cast: 

Sidney Poitier (Lieutenant Virgil Tibbs), Martin Landau (Logan Sharpe), Barbara McNair (Valerie Tibbs), Anthony Zerbe (Rice Weedon), Ed Asner (Woody Garfield), David Sheiner (Lieutenant Kenner), Jeff Corey (Captain Marden), Ted Gehring (Sergeant Deutsch), Juano Hernandez (Mealie Williamson), Norma Crane (Marge Garfield), and Beverly Todd ("Puff") Directed by Gordon Douglas (#663 - Them!, #686 - In Like Flint, #2320 - Viva Knievel!)

Review: 

Hey, remember In the Heat of the Night? To refresh my memory, because I only remember a few fragments...the movie was based on the 1965 novel by John Ball that involved a small Southern town in Mississippi rocked by a murder in the midst of the 1960s as an outsider detective comes in, deals with bigotry and solves the case. Sidney Poitier and Rod Steiger were big on doing the film together, which was filmed in Illinois (as directed by Norman Jewison) that probably had its most interesting scene when Poitier's character slaps someone back (as not originally envisioned). Or, well, the scene where Poitier's character, being asked what he gets called back in Philadelphia, responds, with, well, "They call me Mister Tibbs!". Ball actually did a handful more novels with the character of Tibbs with The Cool Cottontail (1966), Johnny Get Your Gun (1969), Five Pieces of Jade (1972), The Eyes of Buddha (1976), Then Came Violence (1980) and Singapore (1986). But this would be a movie that just went on its own way, with Alan Trustman (writer of The Thomas Crown Affair and co-writer of Bullitt [both 1968], interestingly enough). writing the story and co-writing the screenplay with James R. Webb (the Academy Award winning writer of How the West Was Won eight years prior). At the helm for director was Gordon Douglas, a regular presence in various genres, which included follow-ups to films such as Lady in Cement (1968). While not as big a success as the first film, it made roughly over $2 milllion in rentals in the first six months. Poitier returned as Tibbs for one more movie with The Organization (1971), with Don Medford serving as director.

We now have a film set in San Francisco as our title character is now wrapped up in the investigation of a dead prostitute as some sort of city referendum is coming up about urban renewal with a preacher on one side. This also goes with a few scenes spent in the household of his wife and children (what, a lonely detective in the big city?) that results in a few moments of strife because damned if there is even one bit of tension in the murder case. The 1970s would have a few movies with an interesting presence behind it in terms of crime action thrillers, but Shaft (1971) would be the one people think of as among the first to get the ball rolling rather than this film, that's for sure. Hell, Cotton Comes to Harlem, released a month before Tibbs, is more captivating because it just feels like a movie that yearns to actually do something beyond the mundane routines that come with an investigation that might as well be the equivalent of turning over a rock to see a bunch of ants on the bottom. You might say that there was something lost in the curiosity factor in the character played by Poitier, because now he just seems completely rigid as a board, as if someone wanted to make a Dragnet impersonation but gave up. His family life just sits there in a strange type of "I recognize the dynamic, but I don't care about these people". Landau was a nice actor who people loved in film and TV (such as, say, his Mission: Impossible run*) but he barely has anything to really give in this film, which seems shocking when you consider he is playing a street preacher. You would think that an investigation that you've got a pretty good guess on who the killer is would have some sort of way to drive interest but nope, it basically stays on autopilot for most of it. Zerbe is the more interesting presence, and he's playing for a pimp, for God's sake (to say nothing of putting a wig on Ed Asner and doing a routine car chase). You get little to nothing from folks such as Corey on the police side and you barely get a feel for the city as a whole, managing to resemble Generic Town USA even more than the average sequels that usually pass by on charm. But this one doesn't have enough charm to actually ride the wave for a complete winner for all of its 108 minutes, even with its ridiculous ending (calling it a shaggy dog procedural might be nicer). As a whole, They Call Me Mister Tibbs! is a downgrade from the previous film in most of the aspects that matter and just isn't enough of a film to call a winner, managing to be a disappointment that lies in the shadow of the decade that would give out better films to offer in procedures and thrillers.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*What can I say, I watch old TV from time to time. The Wild Wild West is the other old show I'm on at the moment, I've done a whole bunch of TV watching on DVD such as The Fugitive, The Addams Family, The Munsters, Batman, Star Trek, The Twilight Zone, Lost in Space, and Get Smart.

My Little Chickadee.

Review #2530: My Little Chickadee.

Cast: 

Mae West (Flower Belle Lee), W. C. Fields (Cuthbert J. Twillie), Joseph Calleia (Jeff Badger/Masked Bandit), Dick Foran (Wayne Carter), Margaret Hamilton (Mrs. Gideon), Donald Meek (Amos Budge), Ruth Donnelly (Aunt Lou), Willard Robertson (Uncle John), Fuzzy Knight (Cousin Zeb), George Moran (Milton), Anne Nagel (Miss Foster), and William B. Davidson (Sheriff) Directed by Edward F. Cline (#877 - Three Ages, #1354 - The Bank Dick, #2483 - You Can't Cheat an Honest Man)

Review: 

What better way to go through another W. C. Fields movie than one with a bit of a twist? Apparently, one impetus for the film was the relative popularity of 1939's Destry Rides Again, otherwise known as the Western comedy with Marlene Dietrich and James Stewart that happened to deal with a new sheriff in town. Obviously why not go to the wheelbarrow and pair Fields, who had been in the moderately interesting You Can't Cheat an Honest Man the previous year...with West, who was looking for a comeback after her association with Paramount Pictures ended (you might remember that her sexually suggestive humor was made harder with growing censorship) with Every Day's a Holiday (1937). West claimed in later times that she wrote the majority of the film, while Fields was behind the bar scene and select parts of the dialogue, as one does when favoring ad-libbing. Used to being the big stars, they did not warm up to each other and West apparently never wanted to talk to or talk about Fields again. Naturally, there were still lines cut from the final release due, to, well, censors (hey, if you think people sound weird about sex or people, consider the dorks of yesteryear). This was the third of five movies that Fields made with Cline, with the others being Million Dollar Legs (1932), the aforementioned Honest Man, The Bank Dick (made and released the same year), and Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941). The movie was a fairly decent hit with audiences. As for West, her next film came with The Heat's On (1943) for Columbia Pictures, which went so well that she promptly didn't make a film again until Myra Breckinridge (1970), instead focusing her time with nightclubs, stage shows, and Broadway revivals* for years on end. 

It is the type of movie that looks great.... on paper. It merrily moves along for 84 minutes with a few good jokes and some interesting ideas of playing around with the Western with a goofy sheriff stumbling onto the scene. And then you realize, good god, this really did need just one big star and not two. Either focus on the zippy charm of West (remember that she was in her late forties doing this film and be astonished) or go along with the flim-flam world of Fields and his type of lines, because it basically feels like an episodic movie in search of more. You get your moments in the bar and with Fields yammering the huckster line, don't get that twisted. The sequence where West holds her own during a Native American attack* (done right before the "marriage" scene) certainly gives off more of an impression than most of what Fields does here, where he isn't even present during a schooling sequence involving shaping the lads up (that goes to West, as one does). Even the love triangle between West, Calleia, and Foran doesn't have the tinge of fire that you might hope for in generating anything other than a casual laugh in the circumstances that West glides along to (i.e. not caring about what one might think and moving to the beat of her own drum). At least folks like Hamilton feel right at home in busybody silliness. By the time the movie lumbers to its conclusion, you almost wish the movie had actually started right where it ended in seeing what life might be for West in the "maybe I'll choose today or tomorrow" phase with men and a town like this. As a whole, even a movie that probably does not live up to all of the potential that you would think would come from such a neat pair up is still a good enough movie to go along with, regardless of how many films you've circled around with Fields or West.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*And then there was Sextette (1978), the one loosely based on her own play that saw West, now in her eighties, play a sex symbol with an ensemble cast. She died in 1980 at the age of 87.

*The tiniest bit of gripes not exactly related to the movie. I never understood the discourse about how to refer to Native Americans past, say, the year 1980. What the hell is the argument to call them Indians when there are people from India? I know about the "Indigenous" word but, you know, no.

Professor Beware.

Review #2529: Professor Beware.

Cast: 

Harold Lloyd (Professor Dean Lambert), Phyllis Welch MacDonald (Jane Van Buren), Raymond Walburn (Judge James G. Parkhouse Marshall), Lionel Stander (Jerry), William Frawley (Snoop Donlan), Thurston Hall (Mr. Van Buren), Cora Witherspoon (Mrs. Pitts), Sterling Holloway (The Groom), and Mary Lawrence (The Bride) Directed by Elliott Nugent.

Review: 

In the year that Professor Beware was released of 1938, Harold Lloyd turned 45 and had made nearly 200 films (shorts, features) for over two decades, all with the delight of having laughs at seeing a bespectacled glasses character. With that film, incidentally, Lloyd was no long producing his own films (as he had done since 1924, at least until he sold the land of his studio to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1937), as it was a production of Paramount Pictures with Lloyd as only a partial financier. The movie was directed by Elliott Nugent, who actually had done a handful of films as an actor before venturing into directing and being a playwright (most notably co-writing The Male Animal with James Thurber) for roughly two decades that saw him direct films with varying stars that ranged from Henry Fonda to Bob Hope. The screenplay was written by Delmer Daves, who was a few years away from being the director of such films as Destination Tokyo (1943) while Jack Cunningham and Clyde Bruckman were listed as doing an "adaptation" of a story as done by Crampton Harris, Francis M. Cockrell, and Marian B. Cockrell. The movie, made for roughly $800,000, was not a success with audiences at the time of release, and the fact that the film is the lone one not owned by the Lloyd estate meant that the movie lurked in the syndication circuit but hasn't really had much of a home media release (unless one likes, to, well, look for old movies on YouTube). Lloyd would produce a few films and do work in the radio before returning for one more starring role with The Sin of Harold Diddlebock (1947).

Okay, so what is the odd scenario encountered this time around: a professor is curious about the final missing fragment that tells the fate of an Egyptian from 3,000 years ago that had been buried alive for loving the daughter of the Pharoah...and the professor happens to look a bit like the Egyptian and believes that falling in love might make him go down the same path (in fairness, being buried alive does sound like a bummer). When the professor meets a girl through odd circumstances that result in him meeting public embarrassment, he sure believes he may be going the way of the Egyptian equivalent of the dodo. Lloyd and company wanted to fasten their machine of gags on the road to what they thought would be a good time. It is mildly successful in that regard...but it just seems tired, even with a runtime of 93 minutes, mainly because the gags only really get into gear for its climax, when the lead character corrals people to all follow him onto a boat by picking a fight. Lloyd aimed to get laughs from madcap situations but at a certain point watching him try to pull laughs from getting onto a rope from a moving train, it all seems that time is catching up to him. It may interest you to know this was the one and only movie appearance for Phyllis Welch MacDonald. She had made her debut on Broadway in 1935 with A Slight Case of Murder (coincidentally a play co-written by Runyon) and she moved to Hollywood after two years. Apparently, she signed a contract promising not to marry or be engaged for six months (otherwise pay $5,000) as part being in this film. The year after the film was released, she married and left acting to start a family while also being involved in children's theatre and even doing painted portraits on commission; she died in 2008 at the age of 95. Such a nice way to live life, as opposed to being stuck in further movies that may or may not have had better chances for her to actually do something besides be stuck with listless attempts at chemistry that remind you that movies on the road involving goofy encounters were just done better in It Happened One Night (1934). Stander and Frawley at least seem able to provide a chuckle. You might remember that previous sound efforts from Lloyd involved a would-be sleuth in Chinatown, a shoe salesman pretending to be successful, a movie-crazed wannabee, a mayor by accident that tries to reform a town, and a quick-paced comedy where a milkman goes to boxing contender. Some are better than others, most are at least semi-entertaining, but at least Lloyd had an idea of when it might just be time to go out on his terms.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*For those curious (in link form) about the pursuit of Lloyd's feature films in order up to Professor Beware:

A Sailor-Made Man, Grandma's Boy, Dr. Jack, Safety Last!, Why Worry?, Girl Shy, Hot Water, The Freshman, For Heaven's Sake, The Kid Brother, Speedy for the silent era

Welcome Danger, Feet First, Movie Crazy, The Cat's-Paw, The Milky Way for the sound

We will see The Sin of Harold Diddlebock in 2027.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse.

Review #2528: Resident Evil: Apocalypse. 

Cast:

Milla Jovovich (Alice), Sienna Guillory (Jill Valentine), Oded Fehr (Carlos Olivera), Thomas Kretschmann (Major Timothy Cain), Sophie Vavasseur (Angela "Angie" Ashford), Razaaq Adoti (Sgt. Peyton Wells), Jared Harris (Dr. Charles Ashford), Mike Epps (Lloyd Jefferson "L.J." Wade), Sandrine Holt (Terri Morales), Matthew G. Taylor (Nemesis), Zack Ward (Nicholai Ginovaef), and Iain Glen (Dr. Alexander Isaacs) Directed by Alexander Witt.

Review: 

Hey, remember Resident Evil (2002)? I...uh, sort of remember it? Well, okay, I'm just going to perform straight plagiarism by reminding myself that I saw the movie was the kind of movie you could probably watch while doing your taxes. No, it did not spur me to try out the games.* But people bought tickets to see it, so I imagine there were plenty of tax forms all brought up for fun amidst a "treasure trove" of violence and effects. Paul W. S. Anderson* enjoyed doing the first movie but had commitments to Alien vs. Predator (2004) that meant he could not direct the sequel, although he served as a screenwriter and co-producer. Various inspirations ranged from the third game to Escape from New York (1981) and The Omega Man (1971). This was the directorial debut for Alexander Witt, who had been working in film since the 1970s in a variety of roles such as camera assistant, commercial director and second unit work on films such as who had done second unit work on films such as Speed (1994); Witt has mostly stayed around in second unit work in the two decades since the release of the film. The series returned with Resident Evil: Extinction (2007).

It is a movie where someone makes an entrance by crashing through a stained-glass window on a motorcycle. Honestly, the enjoyment level is a smidge above the first film, mainly because at least it tries to aim for action that isn't confined to a lab. It finds new and exciting ways of being a hack spectacle that doesn't do anything new with its zombie creatures or its new ensemble for Jovovich to blankly encounter. Some movies can coast on characters basically being described as "job description" or "the chick with the neat shorts" or "the funny guy" even with a shelf life above, say, 93 minutes. This is not one of those movies, because even horror movies in small locales such as, say, Chopping Mall (1986) had enthusiasm in its mayhem. Here, it just feels like the equivalent of going to the supermarket without a list in mind only to suffer a stubbed foot in the store has no A/C before realizing that the jug of milk expires today*. Jovovich has done little to nothing to really further a character that is doing the exact same thing as before in teaming up with a ragtag bunch to survive but not really showing leadership besides "don't die". It isn't even worth trying to talk about Kretschmann as a "villain" because the general maneuvering of the film just feels so cookie-cutter and so bland that it doesn't even feel worthy to make fun of the reveal of "Nemesis" (I know it is related to the game, because otherwise I'm surprised they didn't call it something sillier like Vengeance Knight or Deadman). It just feels like a movie you put on to, wait for it, to do your taxes while it is on in the background. Two movies in and I barely feel like I really care much about the "T-virus" or "Raccoon City", but hey, gotta move forward to see slow-moving creatures by mowed down. For whatever reason, I guess the setup of the next film will be that in addition to going around doing action sequences of shooting, our hero now has psionic abilities. Oh, and I guess Umbrella is fine with her escaping as part of their plan (some plan, the next one is called "Extinction"). As a whole, if you were a fan of the first movie, maybe you'll be right at home with this one in terms of spectacle, but it just came off as hollow middle-of-the-road noise.

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*It's funny, the only horror game I played from start to finish was The House of the Dead: Overkill.

*You might remember that Anderson eventually married Jovovich. Cool, did they ever make a movie together that was actually good?

*I was going to use a bad experience in say, accidentally bumping into someone who likes to gab endlessly in small-talk, but I realize some of you may have friends that actually take the time to do so. Self awareness, pal!

Underworld: Evolution.

Review #2527: Underworld: Evolution.

Cast:

Kate Beckinsale (Selene; Lily Mo Sheen as young Selene), Scott Speedman (Michael Corvin), Tony Curran (Markus Corvinus), Derek Jacobi (Alexander Corvinus / Lorenz Macaro), Steven Mackintosh (Andreas Tanis), Shane Brolly (Kraven), Bill Nighy (Viktor), Zita Görög (Amelia), and Brian Steele (William Corvinus) Directed by Len Wiseman (#320 - Live Free or Die Hard, #1916 - Underworld, #2388 - Ballerina)

Review: 

Admittedly, I was a bit hesitant to actually get back to the sequel to Underworld (2003), mainly because I had a funny feeling it was going to sink below the level of the first movie, which surprised me in being average goofy entertainment that was at least endearing for one watch. You've got leather-clad folks, guns, and some war that tries to make werewolves sound cool by calling them "Lycans", how could one go wrong? You might remember there was a vampire assassin and a vampire/lycan hybrid that had to run off because of the death of an elder vampire and the accidental spilling of blood onto a sleeping vampire elder. For whatever reason, now there is a talisman in the proceedings to go along with tombs and family reunions. Len Wiseman and Danny McBride returned to write the story together while McBride wrote the screenplay. The relative success of the film with audiences obviously led to further films. Wiseman and McBride ended up contributing to the next Underworld film, a prequel directed by Patrick Tatpoulos with Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009). The next sequel came with Underworld: Awakening in 2012.

It really does sting sometimes to say that a movie is just not that good. Sure, it isn't in the bottom of the barrel and it definitely has some appeal for those who got really into the idea of leather-clad slugfests with ideas of "lore"...but it just rings hollow in the final result in trying to pursue the series as a "franchise". Beyond the blue filter that basically pervades one's eyes over and over, the movie crashes and burns at the feet of being so scattershot that it actually almost becomes funny in spite of its overblown seriousness. You get a prologue set in 1202 to look at three vampire elders (with only one of them actually mattering for the movie at large, since one of them died in the first movie), with one being the son of an immortal and, oh, the brother of the first big bad werewolf. This wolf is put in what is supposed to be a forever jail to hide away from the immortal vampire. You get further explanations (read: ramblings by a vampire historian that we first see with Lycan women) that make you realize that this is going to be one of those fetch quest type of movies but with less Gothic wannabee fun, where only Mackintosh or Jacobi seem interested. As it turned out, this was the last of the movies with both Beckinsale and Speedman, as the latter did not reprise his role for any further films. Even with the sex scene they share together (or whatever you want to call a scene with the most select type of skin shown), they have about as much chemistry as lettuce on a sandwich (nuke the plant from orbit). You would think having a ship in the film (immortals have to go around on their boat miles) would be really big, but nay. You don't even get to have the air of a respectable actor such as Jacobi* for so long because hey, gotta focus on the hybrid stuff, because Curran sure isn't going to provide menace in hybrid-infused world domination. Hybrid hybrid hybrid, hmm? The movie may be a bit gorier and maybe may work better for those who like to see a few computer creatures that look decent if you actually watch it at night, but calling it a junk movie might almost be a compliment for those who know what they are getting into. Being a notch below a movie that was average as the day that it was created is a negative thing, but at least you can say they tried.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

*Derek Jacobi, otherwise known as the only interesting incarnation of the Master in the 21st century, and yes, I'm still mad his incarnation got killed off that quickly. Sorry, I meant Sir Derek Jacobi, famous Tony Award-winning actor. Hey, I don't do the theater.