Cobra (1986).

Review #2392: Cobra (1986).

Cast: 

Sylvester Stallone (Lieutenant Marion "Cobra" Cobretti), Brigitte Nielsen (Ingrid Knudsen), Reni Santoni (Sergeant Tony Gonzales), Andrew Robinson (Detective Monte), Brian Thompson ("Night Slasher"), John Herzfeld (Cho), Lee Garlington (Officer Nancy Stalk), Art LaFleur (Captain Sears), Marco Rodriguez (Supermarket Killer), Ross St. Phillip (Security Guard), and Val Avery (Chief Halliwell) Directed by George P. Cosmatos (#818 - Rambo: First Blood Part II, #1177 - Tombstone)

Review: 

Sure, it is loosely adapted from a book. But the real curiosity might be from the fact that the script for the movie was inspired by a failed idea. You might remember that Sylvester Stallone was the serious candidate to star in 1984's Beverly Hills Cop (after the attached actor in Mickey Rourke dropped out) at least before he made his script revisions. Apparently, he was once quoted as saying "Somehow, me trying to comically terrorize Beverly Hills is not the stuff that great yuk-festivals are made from. So I re-wrote the script to suit what I do best, and by the time I was done, it looked like the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan on the beaches of Normandy." The bottom line is that Stallone's revisions were just not suitable to film (particularly in the budget) and, well, you know the rest. Stallone was credited writing the screenplay while the "based off" material was the 1974 novel A Running Duck, as written by Paula Gosling. Interestingly, the novel was later published under a different name in Fair Game and Andrew Sipes filmed an adaptation of the book under that title in 1995 with William Baldwin as star. The finished version of Cobra runs at 89 minutes after extensive battles with editing, since the MPAA originally rated it as an X, and it probably didn't help that it was released in the wake of Top Gun (1986). Deleted sequences from the film do exist online, if one is curious to search for it, anyway (one small scene for example, has a kid delivering a present to the police that is stated to be a hand). This was actually a co-production between The Cannon Group and Warner Bros. (only the logo of the latter is seen, naturally), and Stallone would be involved with the two again with Over the Top (1987).

It's very amusing to make a Dirty Harry pastiche with two of the actors from the first film (Robinson and Santoni) in it, don't you think? There might be some who believe the film would serve as a comedy to lampoon the over-the-top nature of the movie, what with its view of a character taking extrajudicial measures to get things done and the occasional one liner (those people probably think MacGruber is just as funny as Cobra or go on Reddit). Well, I take that back, he starts the film by listing crime statistics of burglaries happening every 11 seconds and violent crimes happening every 25 seconds and so on. It is a pretty terse 89-minute movie, but I think you can see how someone could enjoy the proceedings, particularly with the curious observation that Stallone saw the lead character as "Bruce Springsteen with a badge." Even in its average qualities that mark it as roughly equivalent to Cosmatos & Stallone's previous collaboration with Rambo: First Blood Part II (as released one year prior), there is something curious to watch with a movie that basically comes off as a supercut of all the cliches possible for strange delight: villains with understated motives? attempts at levity for romance in the middle of mayhem? A secondary character exchanging quips with our lead that gets setup for getting wounded in an ensuing firefight? A grisly finish to close out the proceedings? All that and more is present here, and it goes to show that you can include plenty of familiar aspects of an action movie and seem pretty enjoyable anyways. Edits aside, there is an energetic presence to the film that comes out quite clearly even if it wasn't going to a series of movies. Stallone might've had a bit of an ego present with being part of filming, but there is still something worth watching him engage with the proceedings, which might as well be blueprint for further smart-ass heroes going against free-wheeling bad guys in the future with Stone Cold (1991). It doesn't really mean great chemistry with Nielsen (Stallone's wife at the time), but I can imagine worse. Thompson may not exactly get much to really do as the heavy (okay, there's a cult that likes playing with axes, I expected less anyway), but I like it anyway, he just has a ferocious energy that inherently watchable, particularly when it comes to the climax (okay, it ends with him on a hook, but still). You get the "heh, that's nice to see" with folks such as Santoni and LaFleur, suffice to say, mainly because it's hard to make an unenjoyable wiseass accidentally in an action movie. Robinson* and character apparently was meant to be the real bad guy of the movie, complete with a planned sequence involving a tattoo at the end. Even here there is still a wiseass energy that I can't help but like from Robinson, cliches be damned. The supermarket sequence and the climax are fair enough highlights in mayhem, at least for those who know that what they get here is mainly stuff that wouldn't be too removed from a Dirty Harry offshoot (the ones who don't hesitate to label those movies as "fascist" would probably get more blubbery in criticizing it, but, well, the eyes only roll so much). Cobra might be thought as the litmus test for seeing one's taste in the same way in the same way that one can tell if someone is prevaricating you in explaining things as evasively as possible**. You either get with it or don't, as Cobra is a lubricious but worthwhile piece of entertainment. 

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

*See, I don't hate Reddit, here's a source from there, as Robinson was quoted on there as calling Cobra: "The worst movie I was ever in... well, there are a few that qualify, but on another level Cobra was one of the best things I've ever done because it gave me the down payment on our house of 30 years."

**I heard that one word earlier, so why not use it?

Beverly Hills Cop II.

Review #1842: Beverly Hills Cop II.

Cast: 

Eddie Murphy (Detective Axel Foley), Judge Reinhold (Detective Billy Rosewood), Jürgen Prochnow (Maxwell Dent), John Ashton (Detective John Taggart), Ronny Cox (Captain Andrew Bogomil), Brigitte Nielsen (Karla Fry), Allen Garfield (Chief Harold Lutz), Brian O'Connor (Detective Biddle), Dean Stockwell (Charles Cain), Gil Hill (Inspector Douglas Todd), Gilbert Gottfried (Sidney Bernstein), Paul Reiser (Detective Jeffrey Friedman), Paul Guilfoyle (Nikos Thomopolis), Robert Ridgely (Mayor Ted Egan), and Alice Adair (Jan Bogomil) Directed by Tony Scott (#029 - Top Gun, #253 - Unstoppable, #357 - The Last Boy Scout, #1632 - True Romance)

Review: 

Admittedly, it isn't much of a surprise that this film came on the heels of a successful feature, one that  celebrates its 35th anniversary of release. Beverly Hills Cop (1984), based on a script by Danilo Bach and Daniel Petrie Jr with direction by Martin Brest, was the right movie at the right time to bring its main star (Eddie Murphy rather than Sylvester Stallone, who is referenced from time to time in this movie) to widespread popularity, one that was the biggest blockbuster (and biggest overall hit) of its year. As such, the sequel features the same producers in Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer along with most of the regulars back to star; the movie was done rather than the idea of doing a television series, which is what Paramount Pictures wanted to do (Murphy said no to the idea). Of course, the writers are different, as Larry Ferguson and Warren Skaaren wrote the screenplay while Robert D. Wachs and Eddie Murphy did the story. For what it's worth, Murphy said a few years later that it was a "half-assed movie." Tony Scott, who had made a serviceable hit for Bruckheimer with Top Gun (1986), was brought in to direct the movie, which was his third ever feature as director (with his older brother Ridley, they had founded a company together in 1968 that honed directors like him and Alan Parker in making commercials).

At least "Shakedown" is a good song to start with (Bob Seger is underrated)? Honestly, it is just okay. It doesn't do well in terms of generating amusement, but Scott does well enough with staging the action and general charm of Murphy and friends to make a relatively decent experience. One gets to see Murphy paired with Reinhold and Ashton while others nearly fall by the wayside, whether that means Prochnow or with Cox. It glides around for103-minute with some of the same beats from the original while trying to not muddle the machinations of the plot, which goes from "fish out of water breaking into a crime ring by a businessman" to "not fish out of water breaking into a crime ring by a businessman" (both involving someone close to him being shot in Beverly Hills), with "alphabet crimes" being the name of the game here. Scott stated this film as a cross between Beverly Hills Cop and 48 Hrs (1982), but it inadvertently serves as a precursor to Murphy doing second-tier work in later years such as Another 48 Hrs (1990), although at least this film doesn't strain itself too hard to explain its plot beyond what it needs to. Murphy at least makes the effort in driving the movie along with his general charm that maneuvers his way through the action/comedy beats with staid patience rather than complete "paycheck mode". Additionally, Reinhold and Ashton make for a good trio to follow along with in budding engagement, where one likes to see them around making good beats for timing with contrast between calm and hard-lined personality. Prochnow and Nielsen are moderately around the adversarial level that the first film had in general "okay" quality that can't exactly stand out too well from Murphy besides cardboard threats of inevitability (Stockwell being used as a front man rather than for actual moments of ooze is particularly vexing, I don't care how many movies Prochnow has done, you cannot tell me Stockwell isn't up to his par). Besides, Garfield is the hard-lined foil to remember for short bits anyway. There are a select number of small appearances with recognizable faces (established or not), with some of those working out fine like with Gottfried and his momentary bumbling (also, Chris Rock makes his first film appearance) while others...do not (no one, and I mean no one, needs a sequence at the Playboy Mansion). As a whole, the movie is glossier and perhaps less heightened than the original, one with all the right (cliche) moves that will please just the folks who are fine with what they have seen before, serving as a pinnacle of average. There is nothing great or terrible with it, which seems more of a description of fast-food products more than anything. With that in mind, this is one of those "take it or leave it" movies, where Murphy and company carry it far enough over the finish line to make the experience mostly worth it. In a sea of Murphy movies, being in the middle of the pack is not a bad thing to consider.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

Creed II.

Review #1165: Creed II.

Cast: 
Michael B. Jordan (Adonis Creed), Sylvester Stallone (Rocky Balboa), Tessa Thompson (Bianca Taylor), Dolph Lundgren (Ivan Drago), Florian Munteanu (Viktor Drago), Phylicia Rashad (Mary Anne Creed), Andre Ward (Danny "Stuntman" Wheeler), Wood Harris (Tony "Little Duke" Evers), Brigitte Nielsen (Ludmila Drago), Milo Ventimiglia (Robert Balboa), and Russell Hornsby (Buddy Marcelle) Directed by Steven Caple Jr.

Review: 
Creed (2015) certainly was a big surprise for numerous reasons. I certainly didn't expect another installment of the Rocky series, particularly a spin-off with Jordan in the lead role and Ryan Coogler writing and directing. The result was a film that ranks up there as one of the better Rocky films, being just as good (if not better than) as Rocky II (1979). With the resulting success that came from the film, obviously a follow-up would be expected, with a good chunk of the cast from the previous film returning alongside a few new and a few familiar faces, although Coogler now only serves as an executive producer. The writing credits certainly are different this time around, with Stallone co-writing the screenplay alongside Juel Taylor while the story was done by Sascha Penn and Cheo Hodari Coker. It certainly feels that Stallone wanted in some way to make a better sequel than the ones that had followed up the original, particularly III through V, and there are quite a few beats that seem a bit familiar. However, the best that can be said for this movie is that it is quite entertaining, with Jordan and Stallone headlining a fairly game cast that make the experience worth it. Jordan does a fine job in keeping things fresh and interesting that one would expect from a lead, handling himself in the boxing sequences fairly well. Stallone, in his eighth reprisal of the character, manages to retain the same kind of charm and quality as expected from him for the scenes he is in. Thompson also delivers a fine performance, with her and Jordan having good chemistry once again. Lundgren is fun to watch, being more of a character to watch this time around with a bit of grizzled depth - he's actually more interesting to be around with than his on-screen son (Munteanu, who does fine with the boxing sequences at least). The rest of the cast all do their parts just fine. The film is privy to a handful of cliches for the sports film (much like any of the previous Rocky films, although not as silly), being a bit predictable at times, although the boxing scenes are up to code once again, leaving a good punch. The run-time of 130 minutes is manageable, and on the whole I'm sure that this film will serve its purpose of entertainment just alright, working as a mostly solid follow-up to the first film while leaving room for the desire to want to see another one of these down the road.

Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Red Sonja.

Review #829: Red Sonja.

Cast
Brigitte Nielsen (Red Sonja), Arnold Schwarzenegger (Lord Kalidor), Sandahl Bergman (Queen Gedren of Berkubane), Paul L. Smith (Falkon), Ernie Reyes, Jr. (Prince Tarn), Ronald Lacey (Ikol), and Pat Roach (Lord Brytag) Directed by Richard Fleischer (#453 - Soylent Green, #460 - Doctor Dolittle, and #624 - Conan the Destroyer)

Review
Boy, is this one dull. It manages to make sword fights sound and look really boring, with no real sense of adventure to it, with a cast that can't liven material that ends in less then 90 minutes. It starts off with a spirit (looking as ridiculous as one would guess) giving our main character her powers, after she recollects the story of how she lost her parents to her (next time you replace a pet, tell them how the previous pet was replaced and see how that goes), with the opening sequence as a whole being somewhat ridiculous, which makes sense for a movie that never seems like it's trying hard enough. Nielsen doesn't really bring much to the character (based off the comic book character of the same name, who was inspired by the character Red Sonya in one of Robert E. Howard's short stories, named The Shadow of the Vulture) that isn't told to us. Sure, she can swing a sword fairly decently, but there never are any scenes where she stands out amidst the boring landscape and a story that feels padded. It makes sense that this came from the same director of Conan the Destroyer, considering both have the same caliber of hokey action and dull attempts at humor, with a kid prince no less. The effects are also nothing spectacular.

The "Icthyan Killing Machine" sequence is slow moving, never coming off as thrilling, though it almost comes off as cheesy due to Schwarzenegger riding on the "machine" in the water for a few moments. He doesn't have as much screen time as Nielsen (which makes sense, I know), but he is somewhat charming, in a cheesy way that is reflected especially in his scenes with Nielsen (there's one scene where they fight each other, and it's ridiculously dull and cheesy at the same time). One could say it's a quick film to get through, but that doesn't mean it's an easy film to get through, and the blame rests on a movie that either can't pull itself together and make these characters interesting or managing to make everything seem cheesier than it actually is. Bergman also does a somewhat laughable job as the villain, as one dimensional as paper, with motivations as random as it gets. I can't even tell which film is worse, this or Destroyer, though at least Arnold is in the latter one more, which I guess makes it slightly better. Red Sonja could've worked under better writing, but the movie as a whole is a mess of complacent numbness that only works for people looking for wooden characters.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.

Movie Night: Rocky IV.

Review #597: Rocky IV.

Cast
Sylvester Stallone (Rocky Balboa), Dolph Lundgren (Ivan Drago), Talia Shire (Adrian Balboa), Burt Young (Paulie Pennino), Carl Weathers (Apollo Creed), Brigitte Nielsen (Ludmilla Drago), Tony Burton (Tony "Duke" Evers), and Michael Pataki (Nicoli Koloff) Directed by Sylvester Stallone (#047 - The Expendables, #277 - Rocky II and #340 - Rocky III)

Review
When did the Rocky franchise went over the top? Rocky IV? I say that because Rocky III was the first movie where Rocky didn't fight Apollo Creed, instead he fought Mr. T. Oh, and Mickey dies because you know, reasons. But that argument goes out the window when the robot is introduced. Yes, a robot, which I guess would be fine except 29 years later, we're still waiting for robots. The foundation of silliness is cemented by James Brown and then planted fully into the ground with Ivan Drago, if that even makes sense. Going into this, I knew it would be silly, that it would probably the weirdest of the franchise. That, and it would have montages. Many, many montages. This is what parodies are made of, especially this movie. But is the movie any good? Probably. Look, it's a silly film with a lot of cheese and a lot of effort, and the performances are what they are, the good and bad. At this point, you know these characters and what they'll do and not do. You know Rocky will fight Drago despite people telling him not to, because reasons. The movie is like processed cheese: It's American, it can be used for almost anything, and it's easier to poke holes at it than Swiss cheese. Take this film for what it's worth: the silly, the silly and the bad.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.