The Fantastic Four.

Review #2401: The Fantastic Four.

Cast: 

Alex Hyde-White (Reed Richards / Mr. Fantastic), Rebecca Staab (Susan Storm / Invisible Woman; Mercedes McNab as Young Susan Storm), Jay Underwood (Johnny Storm / Human Torch; Phillip Van Dyke as Young Johnny Storm), Michael Bailey Smith (Ben Grimm), Carl Ciarfalio (The Thing), Joseph Culp (Victor Von Doom / Dr. Doom), Kat Green (Alicia Masters), Ian Trigger (The Jeweler), and Annie Gagen (May Storm) Directed by Oley Sassone.

Review: 

“I just sent an email to the cast. We’ve remained really good friends over the years, and we’re still astounded that this movie won’t die, 25 frickin’ years later, man. We’ve been interviewed by I don’t know how many outlets, magazines, the BBC, you name it. It just keeps coming.”

Time enough at last. You might wonder just why I would elect to do this movie, one that was not released in theaters but has persisted with bootleg recordings. Well, it seemed apt to deliver justice in the smallest form possible to a movie that unfairly shelved, so screw it. You might know that the team was created by Stan Lee (writer/editor) and Jack Kirby (artist/co-plotter) in 1961 that apparently had its first steps come because magazine/comic publisher Martin Goodman heard about the growing success of the comic series Justice League of America in 1960. In the 1980s, Bernd Eichinger and his production company Constantin Film obtained an option for a movie based on the comic book series The Fantastic Four. Apparently, Constantin's option was to expire on Christmas Eve 1992 and he either needed to start shooting or lose the option. Enter Roger Corman, who agreed to join forces on a production that was to be done for $1 million with New Horizons Pictures to help distribute. Production started three days before New Years Eve 1992 (after starting casting in December of that year) under the directorial work of New Orleans native Oley Sassone, who went from being a musician to actually shooting music videos and even doing a few cheapie movies with 1991's Final Embrace and Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight. The movie apparently was shot in less than four weeks in California with a screenplay by Craig J. Nevius and Kevin Rock. So yes, the movie was shot quick and cheap, but there were people making it that at least wanted to try and make it look like a comic book (such as its costume designer). The trailer of the movie was shown in theaters, and the cast and director did a promotional tour for the movie, by the way. There was meant to be a world premiere on January 19, 1994 that would have charity proceeds. Then the studio confiscated the negatives and told folks to go home. It apparently was exhibited once on May 31, 1994 before it was eventually purchased by Marvel executive Avi Arad and "burned". People have argued over whether the movie was meant to be released. Lee (who visited the set and even mentioned it to people in public) said it wasn't, Corman said it was and his contract had to be bought out, Eichinger said it was meant to be released. Hilariously enough, the next attempt at making a Fantastic Four movie would take a long time to do, since 20th Century Fox spent ten years in hiring people to try and direct / write the thing. In 2005, with Constantin Film as one of the production companies involved, Fantastic Four was released in theaters. Twenty years (and two more Fantastic Four flops) later, the next attempt at making a film adaptation is coming with The Fantastic Four: First Steps, the first of these films that isn't set in contemporary times. Sassone never got to direct a big movie, but he didn't leave the film business, directing a litany of small films and plenty of television. Somehow, somewhere, someone made efforts to do a bootleg for people to spread around of the film and it has been that way ever since, with a red-carpet showing of the movie (no paid tickets) even being done in New Orleans as late as 2019.

You have to be kidding me, right? This is the movie that couldn't get released? Even with all of the "good" movies I've seen, there are still movies I've also seen that are considerably of lesser value than what you see here. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) was basically an unfinished product, and it still got released! Besides, was it really going to be a bigger low point for Marvel than the 21st Century Film Corporation flop with Captain America (1990)?* I don't know if I could go as far as to say this is better than the turgid 2005 Fantastic Four movie, but it is so funny to see a movie that deserved better in its inspired efforts. The names of Hyde-White, Underwood, Staab, and Smith / Ciarfalio should be remembered as the first live action Four or at least acknowledged by Marvel; Arad apparently didn't even watch the movie before it was burned but thank heavens that bootleggers have persisted in making sure one can see the movie at all. It's almost a punk thing if you think about it, a movie that exists for the public as if it was an act of defiance. Criticizing the movie is like asking the guy who smells like he has beer in his pants if he is drunk: you already know the answer. The movie doesn't quite have the pacing to really make for great drama, but there wasn't exactly a great outline to work out a team comic book movie yet; having a ten-year gap that has a young Sue is not exactly ideal if you think about the age gap between her and Reed (notice how she apparently isn't a scientist here). The effects are wonky in the sense that The Thing is probably the highlight effect in looking and sounding adequate, at least when compared to the "trick" used for the Invisible Woman or the computer effect used at the end with the Torch, and the less said about Mr. Fantastic, the better. Due to, well, not being completely and totally finished in post-production, the voice work for Ciarfalio and Culp is, well, not ideal, but at least they look pretty cool for a bit. As a movie, it is all over the place in hokum that couldn't quite go with "mole men" but could do "jewelers" and it definitely lacks tension, but a little polish and a little more appreciation beyond "make this quick" in a era where you really needed time/more money to make an adventure, and maybe you would have the recipe for a "cult classic". As a movie, it is a corny one but it also is a well-intentioned attempt at making a movie for folks to enjoy that clearly deserved better than what it received.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.

Supplemental (i.e. no rating but just for you guys): as a treat, I also viewed the 2015 documentary Doomed!: The Untold Story of Roger Corman's The Fantastic Four, which was directed/written by Marty Langford as funded in some part by Indiegogo that interviewed the cast, Sassone and several others. The documentary is pretty cut and dry about a subject matter that is, well, distinct from the usual "making of / story", but at least you hear from people who at least seem interested in getting their words out there about a production that sure seemed like it was going to be just another job (or for some, one they wanted to use to springboard further). The documentary may just be a "heh, we did make a movie", but you don't exactly have people clamoring to hear about the 2005 or 2015 Fantastic Four productions, do you? I can't exactly give it a rating, because it is more a thing you would watch on the Internet (85 minutes) rather than compare it to say, "The Making of [X]", but if you are curious about the 1994 movie, this will be interesting to view right after that as a solid "fine" curiosity.

*In 1993, Arad was named the president and CEO of Marvel Films, which did eventually become Marvel Studios in 1996.

The Master of Disguise.

Review #1705: The Master of Disguise.

Cast: 

Dana Carvey (Pistachio Disguisey), Jennifer Esposito (Jennifer Baker), Harold Gould (Grandpa Disguisey), James Brolin (Fabbrizio Disguisey), Brent Spiner (Devlin Bowmna), Edie McClurg ("Mama" Disguisey), Michael Bailey Smith (Bald Henchman), Austin Wolff (Barney Baker), Kenan Thompson (Himself), Jay Johnston (Rex), and Maria Canals (Sophia) Directed by Perry Andelin Blake.

Review: 

You would be surprised to know that this was released on August 2, 2002 if you saw the film, because, well, it really seems to be the first film-void to ever exist. Just remember, this film was written by Dana Carvey. Well, actually he wrote the story and co-wrote the screenplay with Harris Goldberg, but the point is still true. Of course we all know that Carvey wasn't exactly a slouch for comedy. Born in Montana but raised in San Francisco, he had become interested in comedy after graduating with a degree in broadcast communications from San Francisco State University; he made a few appearances in film and television in supporting roles, but his break came with joining the cast of Saturday Night Live in 1986, and he would work on the show for seven years with a mix of original characters and impressions of various personalities of the day. Of course, not every SNL cast member went on to just be a major film star, but he did dabble in film with features such as Opportunity Knocks (1990) and Clean Slate (1994) alongside a short-lived variety project with The Dana Carvey Show (1996, which lasted eight episodes). This is the first and so far only film directed by Blake, who had gotten into film as a production designer in the 1990s after graduating from Harvard University in architecture. Incidentally, his first feature was Billy Madison (1995), and he continued his association with Adam Sandler as part of his film crew for years. The film managed to make back its $16 million budget twice over, but I suppose some things like directing aren't meant to be. This was produced by Happy Madison Productions, which Sandler had co-founded in 1999; Carvey was the third SNL collaborator that had worked with Sandler to have his own film with the company, which naturally included Rob Schneider and David Spade in illustrious works such as Joe Dirt (2001) that clearly got better in later years. At any rate, this is the last film that Carvey served as the star and the last feature he did for nearly a decade, which he stated was because he wanted to spend time with his family.

Honestly, their was a sliver of cynical guessing that this was meant to be some sort of joke on the audience, as if Carvey was trying to take your curiosity and your mood at the same time, which only makes sense if you realize that this really isn't an 80 minute movie either (owing to minutes of credits that filler a movie with no soul). One scene has him ripping a dude's nose off before spitting it back onto his face...so that's one way to do it. Heck, go even farther, you might as well have shown him go for more than 20 impressions, you could have him try to impersonate the other actors and make it an offbeat one-man show. Carvey tries to coast on mimicry and can't quite get there, as if one is watching a premature rendition of MacGruber (2010) but without the "cult audience". By the time one gets to him trying to "disguise" himself as a turtle, one has already checked out, as if being irritated is too much effort; one instead turns to indifference and hope it doesn't turn to pity over an attempt at boyish charm for a near 50-year old actor. Esposito evokes a small smile in that she doesn't become overwhelmed by the void of boredom that arises from no chemistry between her and Carvey. One has seen Gould in far better material, particularly since he spends a good part of his time playing insult man to Carvey. It is strange to see Brolin here, if only because the makeup here makes him look like he has morphed into Burt Reynolds, one that is bemused in standing around and occasionally doing a gag from time to time (hence the cameos, because they basically do the same one three times with the guest star going around and stealing an item before the mask comes off for Brolin). When asked about his favorite film that wasn't liked by critics, Spiner once responded with this film...that is probably the nicest thing I can say about a performance that has in a loop, one that sees him cackle before he farts. I don't need to pile on, do I? Perhaps it was a coincidence that Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) was released just a week before this feature. Think about it: that was also a movie where the lead actor (in this case, a SNL cast-mate with Mike Myers) played a bunch of roles, and it also featured a strange amount of cameos (although this feature's best idea of a cameo is Bo Derek). I guess the quality of the impression goes on how much one doesn't think of Peter Sellers when it comes to assuming the persona of a role. Of course, I say this because Sellers had a variety of classics to go along with quite a handful of missteps when it comes to impressions with the rhythm of humor (in other words, there is a reason one thinks of Being There rather than The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu as the last hurrah for Sellers). You see where I am going with the impressions, do you? You can do a whole bunch of impressions, but if it comes in a movie that has the bare minimum when it comes to timing or gags besides "look, he went from a faux-Italian accent to makeup", the biggest loser is the sucker who has to watch it, and they sure do get to look at the background a bit after a while. As a whole, the movie is blah, filled with rote gags that only a bored juvenile person might appreciate. Actually, watching a film develop into a void could make for a terrible curiosity for those who really, really, really want to see cheap gags and nothing else.

Overall, I give it 2 out of 10 stars.

Next batter up.