Cast:
Joan Crawford (Dr. Brockton), Michael Gough (Sam Murdock), Bernard Kay (Inspector Greenham), Kim Braden (Anne Brockton), David Griffin (Malcolm Travers), John Hamill (Cliff), Thorley Walters (Magistrate), Jack May (Dr. Selbourne), Geoffrey Case (Bill), Simon Lack (Lt. Colonel Vickers), Chloe Franks (Little Girl), and Joe Cornelius (Trog) Directed by Freddie Francis (#854 - They Came from Beyond Space, #856 - The Evil of Frankenstein, #860 - Dracula Has Risen from the Grave, #1145 - Tales from the Crypt, and #1419 - Dr. Terror's House of Horrors)
Review:
"What a terrible film that was. I did it because of Joan Crawford, and poor Joan by this time was a very sad old lady. We had to have idiot cards all over the place because she couldn't remember her lines. It was the last thing she ever did and she shouldn’t have done it. Neither should I. She had no friends, and she kept writing sad letters to my wife and I until she died."
Okay, so you might be wondering just what the appeal for this film is. Well, it was a horror film that just happens to be the last film appearance of Joan Crawford. By the year of 1970, she had appeared in over eighty films in nearly a half-century of work in films to go with a handful of television appearances (one of those notably saw her perform a role several years younger than her - she was filling in for her sick daughter on a soap opera!). But this was her last film before her death in 1977 at the reported age of 69. The 1960s saw her go from starting with What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) to ending with Berserk! (1967). That latter film was produced by Herman Cohen, who happened to produce this film. Three writers were credited for this film: Peter Bryan, John Gilling, and Aben Kandel (the first two had previously collaborated on The Plague of the Zombies while the latter was a mainstay on Cohen productions, even at the ripe age of 73). It's a shame for Francis to be here directing a horror film like this, because while he wasn't exactly pleased to be pigeonholed as a director of the medium (he was once quoted as saying horror films liked him more than he liked horror films), he was an acclaimed cameraman. This is the man who shot Sons and Lovers (1960) and later Glory (1989), winners of Academy Awards for cinematography. Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny and Girly (1970), his previous effort as a director, was one he was quite proud of even though it took a few years to become a cult favorite. While this film wasn't exactly a hit for anyone, Francis would stay busy as a director for the rest of the decade, which included The Vampire Happening (a West German comedy horror film that apparently was just as bad of an experience for Francis released in 1971), and, well, Craze (1974), the last production spearheaded by Cohen.
You're kidding me, right? This is the way a vaunted actress such as Joan Crawford went out? Wearing her own wardrobe while apparently enjoying quite the amount of alcohol? This is such a miserable film when it comes to the amount of time it spends in trying to establish credibility with some sort of ungodly presentation of nurture and nature that has no sense of tension or doing anything beyond making one wonder just long before you get to see the silly mask again. Supposedly, the outfit for the title character was cribbed from 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), but I guess they got the worst outfit of the bunch, because it is a very sad looking thing to say the least. The fact that the film has the balls to re-use footage that had been produced by Willis O'Brien and Ray Harryhausen for The Animal World (1956) for a sequence involving dinosaurs is probably the most hilarious part of a movie that has nowhere to go but digging up from the pit that it has buried itself by the first half of a 93-minute movie of amusement. Crawford may or may not be under the influence of some liquor (vodka, reportedly) or cue cards, but there is definitely something stilted about her role in the film, which never really manages to make a compelling argument for why anyone would care for Trog in the first place (this is a beast that we first see kill folks in a cave, remember). Seeing her try to show the creature colors and play catch with it only furthers this amusement that comes full circle when you realize, yes, she really did bring her own colorful clothes for this. Honestly, I was expecting her character to become another victim of the beast to close the circle, because, well, wouldn't that be a surprise to have someone who was completely on Trog's side just get blindsided? Gough just comes off as the most obvious strawman when it comes to "beast bad", most amusingly coming for the court scenes that see him continuously interrupt the proceedings until he finally gets kicked out after like the 4th time this happens. I think the death sequence (hell, you know it was coming) is especially amusing, because he lets the beast go and seems completely unplanned for, well, getting the hell away from the one thing that could kill him like it was a cockroach ASAP. Kay and the others don't chuckle at the material in the same way one might see from even the lesser Hammer film experiences. This is the kind of thing that can appreciated for folks such as, say, John Waters when it comes to the cheapies, but this is just one of those dubious British films where the material lives and dies on just how much the actors care, and the answer here is "slim". Kitsch for some sure, but this is just crap.
Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.
Turkey Week 4 is upon us, folks. From November 19 to November 25, enjoy a round of cruddy "turkey" films to enjoy the Thanksgiving season. Trog is merely an appetizer for some rancid films to come, which will see a return of such great voices like Uwe Boll and Neil Breen and more. Enjoy the suck, because the next few films are much worse than this. House of the Dead, for example....
