Legacy of Blood (1971).

Review #1123: Legacy of Blood.

Cast: 
Rodolfo Acosta (Sheriff Dan Garcia), Merry Anders (Laura Dean), Norman Bartold (Tom Drake), Ivy Bethune (Elga), John Carradine (Christopher Dean), Richard Davalos (Johnny Dean), Faith Domergue (Veronica Dean), Buck Kartalian (Igor Garin), Brooke Mills (Leslie Dean), Jeff Morrow (Gregory Dean), John Russell (Frank Mantee), and John Smith (Dr. Carl Isenburg) Directed by Carl Monson.

Review: 
The most interesting thing about this movie is the fact that there isn't one consistent title - there are three. The titles are Legacy of Blood, Blood Legacy, and Will to Die, but I think I will go with the first one, since that one was used for the opening title sequence. It also happened to be featured on Elvira's Movie Macabre with that same title, who I imagine had more fun delivering commentary for a cruddy film like this than I could generate. In any case, this is a movie that is described as a "mystery slasher" - and I put that term in quotation marks because the film is barely a mystery and barely a slasher in any respectable sense. Basked in cliches, the only surprise is how frustrating it operates itself, having minimal gore but maximum tedium. None of the situations or characters presented aren't too particularly interesting. The best thing one can say about the cast is that Carradine is the only one adept at making something watchable - even material boring as this. He's kooky, but he commands attention that the others can't do as well. There isn't anyone to follow with, whether to cheer or hiss at, just a bunch of oddball people who look like they are either doing it for a paycheck or doing it for "the art", whatever that means. Everybody else comes off as stale or not particularly exciting to follow with, unless you count sideburns as something to look at. The body count goes up at a snail's pace while the soap opera type plot serves to irritate its audience, with its best scene being one single shot - a lamp, which relates back to an earlier line about one character's past. How does a movie manage to make a bee sequence come off as boring? Have the setup to said sequence not make much sense. The climax (and its "twist" ending) is like a big joke to its audience, since it comes out of nowhere while bringing itself to a crashing halt - with a last line that breaks the fourth wall that is a sure groaner. Ultimately, this is a dull experience that is more horrible than horror.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.

Gymkata.

Review #1036: Gymkata.

Cast: 
Kurt Thomas (Jonathan Cabot), Tetchie Agbayani (Princess Rubali), Richard Norton (Zamir), Edward Bell (Paley), John Berrett (Gomez), Conan Lee (Hao), Bob Schott (Thorg), Buck Kartalian (The Kahn), and Eric Lawson (Colonel Cabot) Directed by Robert Clouse (#587 - Enter the Dragon)

Review: 
You may be wondering to yourself the following question: "What is Gymkata?" Well, it is a mix of the skill of gymnastics with the kill of karate, as stated in the poster for the film, which apparently was based off the novel The Terrible Game by Dan Tyler Moore. Knowing either of those facts doesn't make the movie any much better, considering that this is a by the numbers terrible flick. The plot of the film is as follows: A gymnast is approached by special forces to participate in some sort of ancient game (called "The Game", naturally) in a fictional country in order to see if he can win this athletic competition that no outsider has won in over 900 years. The winner is granted a wish, and they want him to wish...for a US satellite monitoring station to be installed in the country in order to monitor all satellites in space so the "other side" can't. Yes, that is the premise. If you were shaking in your boots in anticipation for the movie, then all power to you. Honestly, this is a movie made to show off action sequences, and it does so with the scenery of Yugoslavia and no sense of energy aside from a few laughs at the film and its plot. The film is essentially something you'd see from someone who wanted to showcase action and take a bunch of cliches together, such as the jealous rival, the monarchy that the hero familiarizes with, the long-lost father, and so on. Nothing dates this film better than mentioning the "Star Wars" program, but then again who's surprised by this?

It may interest you to note that Kurt Thomas (with a size of about 5-4.5, which is a bit shorter than my size) was a world champion in numerous categories in gymnastics in 1978-79, with two gymnastic moves (the Flair and the salto) being named for him. In the sense of his sequences on the mat and in action, he does a fine job in his first (and only) film appearance. He doesn't do too great performance-wise, but that can apply to pretty much everyone else in the film, who don't exactly seem to have too much enthusiasm for the story, although I will admit that Norton certainly fits the bill as a silly villain for the hero to defeat. If you don't really care too much for characters, story, or general competency, then this is probably the movie for you. I can't really say I was surprised that this turned out to be a stinker, so how can I be mad? How can I be mad that this is an absurd and goofy piece of film when I knew that it was coming? As dated as the film is, I will date this review further by stating that I watched this on Turner Classic Movies (TCM), who showed this film (and the film reviewed earlier yesterday) on Saturday night as part of their "Underground" series. I will say that they certainly fit the bill as an example of a terrible pairing that also works well for their series, along with Movie Night, obviously. Sometimes you just need some bad flicks to truly remember what makes for good and bad films, and Gymkata is one of those films.

Let's not forget the ending where (spoilers) the first satellite monitoring station was installed after our hero wins the game. Truly it was important enough to note on the epilogue. I tried to check if there were many quotes for the film on IMDb and it turns out that there was one that was more than a whole sentence: "There are many sounds around us, each is slightly different. So small as to go un-noticed by the person who is unaware. Do not hear the wood split. Hear the only sound of axe, cutting air. Read the air itself. It has much say to you." Basically, the movie stinks. But it is the kind of stinker that you may get a kick out of, particularly if you dig movies that aim for cheap pulp action without any sort of illusion about what it wants to be. For all that I said about the movie, it is up to you the viewer to see what your interests are for this odd little flick...if you dare.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.