Lionheart (1990).

Review #2406: Lionheart.

Cast:

Jean-Claude Van Damme (Lyon "Lionheart" Gaultier), Harrison Page (Joshua Eldridge), Deborah Rennard (Cynthia Caldera), Lisa Pelikan (Hélène Gaultier), Ashley Johnson (Nicole Gaultier), Brian Thompson (Russell), Vojislav Govedarica (Sgt. Hartog), Michel Qissi (Moustafa), Abdel Qissi (Attila), Ash Adams (Francois Gaultier), George McDaniel (Adjutant), and Jeff Langton (Sonny) Directed by Sheldon Lettich.

Review: 

"Most Van Damme movies are basically structured like old Fred Astaire movies. Astaire’s movies employ a very simple plot (“I have to convince her to marry me before she can marry that rich guy who doesn’t really love her”) which Astaire uses to hang his dance numbers on. Similarly, in Van Damme movies there’s a simple plot (“They killed our parents, we must get revenge”) which we can then hang a number of fight scenes on. In an Astaire movie, it all leads to the big crucial dance number at the end (where he wins over the girl). In a Van Damme movie, it all leads to the big fight at the end (where he kills the guys who murdered his parents)."

Admittedly, I can't blame Jean-Claude Van Damme from getting into the "input" side of filmmaking. This was the debut of Lettich as a director; after serving for a few years in the Marine Corps (specifically radio operator and with the 1st Force Reconnaissance Company), he went on to study Photography in college before becoming interested in being a filmmaker in the late 1970s (inquire further here). So, you've got two ideas crash into one: Van Damme wrote an outline for a fighting movie in the underground while his friend Sheldon Lettich had a script in mind involving the "classic era" of the French Foreign Legion. Sure, that script didn't go anywhere (apparently it was intended for Sylvester Stallone, since the two had written Rambo III [1988] together) but I think you get how Lionheart would come out combining the two a bit. Well, that and both guys liked the movie Hard Times (1975). Imperial Entertainment tried to get a different writer to do rewrites so as to not spend much money on Lettich, which is where S. N. Warren came in. However, Warren's rewrites (save for the name) were basically curtailed Lettich was hired to do a rewrite and just direct the movie; the result is that Warren, Lettich and Van Damme got credit for the screenplay and the latter got credit for the story; Van Damme also served as fight choreographer for the movie.* The movie was shown as "A.W.O.L.: Absent Without Leave" at the Cannes Film Market in May 1990 and picked up by Universal Studios for later distribution in early 1991. Strangely, the movie was released in France as "Full Contact" (better than the working title of the movie in the first place: "The Wrong Bet"). The movie was a relative success with audiences, following along the line of Van Damme star movies such as Bloodsport (1988) and Cyborg (1989).

Sure, it is a bit of a ridiculous trip down the road (the egregious "ass club" of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) has a teammate), but there is something quite endearing about its execution that I can't help but like. You've got an array of fights that for whatever reason go from the mean streets to at one point taking place in a pool. You've got a movie that decides, screw it, you are getting straight-to-the-point drama that can only go the way of a swift kick to, well, you know. It runs on sheer audacity from Lettich and Van Damme to make for a relatively enjoyable time. Having not seen Bloodsport in about six years, I imagine that my reasoning that Lionheart is the better "fighting without the cops knowing" movie (incidentally, both movies have a final fight where the lead must rally from a big injury, whether that involves being unable to see or, well, a bad rib) mainly because this movie actually seems to have some sort of enjoyment beyond being tall tale hokum. It probably helps that the movie is just about a guy trying to make good rather than about revenge (okay maybe it is an "on the run" movie, but at least it is a worthwhile pursuit, though I'm not really sure the Legion looks that good). Sure, it might be easy to compare him to Steven Seagal (both have their own "command" of reality in dialogue), but there is just something about Van Damme and his physicality that goes hand in hand with a sly sense of charm to watch play out against all odds. I think it helps that he isn't thrust into a side dynamic of romance and instead has a pal to engage with in Page (likely best known for the TV show Sledge Hammer!), who is quite a charmer. Unusually, you've got Thompson playing second fiddle to Renard (speaking of TV regulars, a regular on Dallas), which is mostly so you can see the allusion of tension between her and Van Damme that is somewhat cheeky if not entirely routine. The 105-minute runtime is about on point for a movie that arranges several fights with people watching in the distance (notice how the view from the street isn't too different in enthusiasm from the view from a different locale later on) that looks pretty good in brutality and the final fight does manage to evoke some triumph. It is a solidly decent time likely worth checking out if one is already curious about what Van Damme brings to the table in action, that is for sure.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

*Well, maybe I am being a bit vague about Van Damme being involved with films: apparently Van Damme contributed uncredited editing on Bloodsport [1988] and Cyborg [1989]. 

Cobra (1986).

Review #2392: Cobra (1986).

Cast: 

Sylvester Stallone (Lieutenant Marion "Cobra" Cobretti), Brigitte Nielsen (Ingrid Knudsen), Reni Santoni (Sergeant Tony Gonzales), Andrew Robinson (Detective Monte), Brian Thompson ("Night Slasher"), John Herzfeld (Cho), Lee Garlington (Officer Nancy Stalk), Art LaFleur (Captain Sears), Marco Rodriguez (Supermarket Killer), Ross St. Phillip (Security Guard), and Val Avery (Chief Halliwell) Directed by George P. Cosmatos (#818 - Rambo: First Blood Part II, #1177 - Tombstone)

Review: 

Sure, it is loosely adapted from a book. But the real curiosity might be from the fact that the script for the movie was inspired by a failed idea. You might remember that Sylvester Stallone was the serious candidate to star in 1984's Beverly Hills Cop (after the attached actor in Mickey Rourke dropped out) at least before he made his script revisions. Apparently, he was once quoted as saying "Somehow, me trying to comically terrorize Beverly Hills is not the stuff that great yuk-festivals are made from. So I re-wrote the script to suit what I do best, and by the time I was done, it looked like the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan on the beaches of Normandy." The bottom line is that Stallone's revisions were just not suitable to film (particularly in the budget) and, well, you know the rest. Stallone was credited writing the screenplay while the "based off" material was the 1974 novel A Running Duck, as written by Paula Gosling. Interestingly, the novel was later published under a different name in Fair Game and Andrew Sipes filmed an adaptation of the book under that title in 1995 with William Baldwin as star. The finished version of Cobra runs at 89 minutes after extensive battles with editing, since the MPAA originally rated it as an X, and it probably didn't help that it was released in the wake of Top Gun (1986). Deleted sequences from the film do exist online, if one is curious to search for it, anyway (one small scene for example, has a kid delivering a present to the police that is stated to be a hand). This was actually a co-production between The Cannon Group and Warner Bros. (only the logo of the latter is seen, naturally), and Stallone would be involved with the two again with Over the Top (1987).

It's very amusing to make a Dirty Harry pastiche with two of the actors from the first film (Robinson and Santoni) in it, don't you think? There might be some who believe the film would serve as a comedy to lampoon the over-the-top nature of the movie, what with its view of a character taking extrajudicial measures to get things done and the occasional one liner (those people probably think MacGruber is just as funny as Cobra or go on Reddit). Well, I take that back, he starts the film by listing crime statistics of burglaries happening every 11 seconds and violent crimes happening every 25 seconds and so on. It is a pretty terse 89-minute movie, but I think you can see how someone could enjoy the proceedings, particularly with the curious observation that Stallone saw the lead character as "Bruce Springsteen with a badge." Even in its average qualities that mark it as roughly equivalent to Cosmatos & Stallone's previous collaboration with Rambo: First Blood Part II (as released one year prior), there is something curious to watch with a movie that basically comes off as a supercut of all the cliches possible for strange delight: villains with understated motives? attempts at levity for romance in the middle of mayhem? A secondary character exchanging quips with our lead that gets setup for getting wounded in an ensuing firefight? A grisly finish to close out the proceedings? All that and more is present here, and it goes to show that you can include plenty of familiar aspects of an action movie and seem pretty enjoyable anyways. Edits aside, there is an energetic presence to the film that comes out quite clearly even if it wasn't going to a series of movies. Stallone might've had a bit of an ego present with being part of filming, but there is still something worth watching him engage with the proceedings, which might as well be blueprint for further smart-ass heroes going against free-wheeling bad guys in the future with Stone Cold (1991). It doesn't really mean great chemistry with Nielsen (Stallone's wife at the time), but I can imagine worse. Thompson may not exactly get much to really do as the heavy (okay, there's a cult that likes playing with axes, I expected less anyway), but I like it anyway, he just has a ferocious energy that inherently watchable, particularly when it comes to the climax (okay, it ends with him on a hook, but still). You get the "heh, that's nice to see" with folks such as Santoni and LaFleur, suffice to say, mainly because it's hard to make an unenjoyable wiseass accidentally in an action movie. Robinson* and character apparently was meant to be the real bad guy of the movie, complete with a planned sequence involving a tattoo at the end. Even here there is still a wiseass energy that I can't help but like from Robinson, cliches be damned. The supermarket sequence and the climax are fair enough highlights in mayhem, at least for those who know that what they get here is mainly stuff that wouldn't be too removed from a Dirty Harry offshoot (the ones who don't hesitate to label those movies as "fascist" would probably get more blubbery in criticizing it, but, well, the eyes only roll so much). Cobra might be thought as the litmus test for seeing one's taste in the same way in the same way that one can tell if someone is prevaricating you in explaining things as evasively as possible**. You either get with it or don't, as Cobra is a lubricious but worthwhile piece of entertainment. 

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

*See, I don't hate Reddit, here's a source from there, as Robinson was quoted on there as calling Cobra: "The worst movie I was ever in... well, there are a few that qualify, but on another level Cobra was one of the best things I've ever done because it gave me the down payment on our house of 30 years."

**I heard that one word earlier, so why not use it?

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

Review #1671: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

Cast:

Robin Shou (Liu Kang), Talisa Soto (Kitana), James Remar (Raiden), Sandra Hess (Sonya Blade), Lynn Red Williams (Jax), Brian Thompson (Shao Kahn), Reiner Schöne (Shinnok), Musetta Vander (Sindel), Irina Pantaeva (Jade), Deron McBee (Motaro), Marjean Holden (Sheeva), Litefoot (Nightwolf), Chris Conrad (Johnny Cage), John Medlen (Ermac), J.J. Perry (Cyrax / Scorpion / Noob Saibot, with Ed Boon as voice of Scorpion) Directed by John R. Leonetti.

Review:

The best way to describe this film is with food. The first film is basically the equivalent of a fairly well-cooked dessert for one to eat (for those who want detail, use an éclair). It tastes nice, and one generally will look back on the moment with a bit of relish, even if they know they shouldn't have too much of it. The second film is essentially what would happen if the one of the ingredients was lost in the writing and so the cook decided to replace it and put a bunch of sparklers and streamers on it in order to make sure you don't notice why it tastes like mud. Actually, if you go by what producer Lawrence Kasanoff said, there is apparently one modification to that: imagine if the chef pulled the dish out five minutes before it was fully cooked, since the initial cut that was screened to test audiences and New Line Cinema was meant to have a second run of effects and editing but the studio was so confident that it would make money and be liked that they released the feature as it was. It might be a strange thing to note that Kasanoff has the dubious honor of being behind two odd sequels to movies as executive producer between this and C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. (1989, which you should hope is the first and only mention of C.H.U.D. II in recorded Movie Night history). At the helm for writing is five writers, with Brent V. Friedman and Bryce Zabel for the screenplay and Kasanoff, Joshua Wexler and John Tobias for the story (you might recognize Tobias as one of the creators of the video game series). You might be interested to note that the director for this film at least had experience with the series...in that the cinematographer for the 1995 film is now the director for the sequel (incidentally, he would not direct again for nine years...with The Butterfly Effect 2, although he would continue on with cinematography work).

To point out all the odd moments in this film would be quite a paragraph, but let's make it a fairly snappy one. The effects have actually degraded from the first film, and it is apt that we see that in the first few minutes of the film (at least after it recounts the first feature's cliffhanger) that leads to the most quotable lines from the feature that goes like this: "Mother...you're alive"/"Too bad YOU...will DIE!" If the dialogue felt a bit silly the first time around, it will feel like a lead weight this time around, made worse by the fact that re-casting most of the actors has only made it felt like one is stuck in a travelling theater show. Characters will be introduced and leave just as quickly, which is stranger with Scorpion and Sub-Zero, who not only come out of the blue from the dead (well, apparently the latter character is the...brother of the one from before and the other is a zombie, but...yeah) but also have a fight scene together (complete with an ice bridge that totally looks like ice if you have never seen it before) and then both disappear from the film entirely. I will give credit though, because they lend to one another amusing scene, where a kidnapping happens and then you hear the voice of Boon saying with no irony the word of "Suckers!" as he leaves stage right. The fact that one of them takes off their mask and talks to Shou about how he isn't ready (because he...didn't participate in the Scorpion/Sub-Zero fight?) and then disappears is the icing on the cake. How about the character of Nightwolf? He talks about three tests that Shou has to go through in order to do the thing that he has to do or whatever...somehow passing the first two tests is all Shou needs, because Nightwolf literally doesn't show up again after that one scene about tests. Raiden revealing his family heritage seems like it should be more impactful, but it manages to hit like a puddle. Characters like Sheeva have the presence of five minutes before she is crushed by a cage (...an action scene was meant to be filmed, but oops). Cables are apparently evident on multiple occasions during fight scenes, since I suppose New Line really believed in the art...of making money. Probably the one bright spot is the music, which continues the electronic trend from the last film (which featured folks such as Buckethead and a music score by George S. Clinton), and it is hard to resist saying that title song from the Immortals one more time.

Shou hasn't exactly improved from the first film, but since the movie doesn't really seem to give him any favors, it would seem forgivable if it was a better project. The silly quest, combined with moments that inspire quizzical responses rather than highlights, combined with a climatic fight scene that has him turn into a terrible CG creation only seals the deal. In that regard, Thompson is a hilariously terrible villain, one that might as well have been tossed out of an episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys for being too hammy. I still can't find a reach on Soto when it comes to her acting, because she is basically swept up in a different quality of film this time around, one that is actually too hammy for her to stand out for better or worse. Hess gets to play in the mud and kick a bit, which pairs with Williams for a duo of folks good enough for dinner theater. Christopher Lambert apparently decided that starring in Beowulf (1999, which was also produced by Kasanoff) would be a better prospect than reprising the role of Raiden, so instead one gets James Remar. But at least one can't say Remar is a bad actor, since he has experience in a wide array of features that ranged from The Warriors (1979) to 48 Hrs (1982); of course those movies were villainous roles, but I'm sure that with a better script he might have done better. Here, it seems like half of a performance, one where you are thinking about shambles of a story and the effects around him (take a close look at the opening scene, for example) than the actual character...even the sacrifice is a waste of time. Having a script that was bad enough to chase three of your five primary actors is bad enough, but the fact that the only thing that comes out of it is an endless barrage of fights and effects that aren't as good as before is the true nail in the coffin for the movie. How could New Line see the fight scene at the end between two shambling ugly creations and think that this was even finished? Beyond the need for a polishing, the complete turnover that results from its actors and having too many writers in the room creates an incoherent mess that somehow feels abrupt for 95 minutes. At least there is one reason to watch it: it would make a great movie to laugh at over and over again.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.