Movie Night: Are We There Yet?

Review #661: Are We There Yet?

Cast
Ice Cube (Nick Persons), Nia Long (Suzanne Kingston), Aleisha Allen (Lindsey Kingston), Philip Daniel Bolden (Kevin Kingston), Jay Mohr (Marty), M. C. Gainey (Al), and Tracy Morgan (Satchel Page Bobblehead) Directed by Brian Levant (#491 - Jingle All The Way and #577 - Beethoven)

Review
It's been almost ten years since this film was made, and in that span a sequel and a television series was made following this movie's...success. I guess this was made in an age where anyone thought they could do a family film no matter what they were before (Such as Vin Diesel with The Pacifier or Dwayne Johnson with The Game Plan), but whatever. This is classified as a "Christmas film" by Wikipedia, but I would compare this to giving your distant relative a fruitcake the day after Christmas. It seems this movie was made with good intentions, but it ultimately fizzles into boredom. The characters seem like they'll make a connection to you, but really you're just going through the motions and wondering how much longer it'll last. At least Ice Cube is decent, though he can't save a movie with stale jokes. The kids may seem nice, but really they just get on your nerves, and while later scenes try to make them look more sympathetic, it doesn't work. It's fitting that the movie has a bobble head in it that talks, because at this point, anything goes. It's a forgettable movie that bores you to the point where you truly wish it was Thanksgiving, because then you could go to your relative's house and forget all about it. And then remember it again after too much turkey.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.

Movie Night: Beethoven.

Review #577: Beethoven.

Cast
Charles Grodin (George Newton), Bonnie Hunt (Alice Newton), Dean Jones (Dr. Varnick), Nicholle Tom (Ryce), Christopher Castile (Ted), Sarah Karr (Emily), Oliver Platt (Harvey), Stanley Tucci (Vernon), David Duchovny (Brad), and Patricia Heaton (Brie) Directed by Brian Levant (#491 - Jingle All the Way)

Review
Beethoven is a strange idea to begin with because no only was this produced by Ivan Reitman, this wasn't released in the 1980's. Of all the decades that had story ideas, the 80's had the weirdest, and Beethoven is right up that alley. The 90's? Maybe not as much, but let's get to the question of this review: How is this movie? The movie is probably more cute then good, all because of one big St. Bernard. Charles Grodin is a fun actor to watch because his facial expressions to this weird plot of a movie and his timing is just right. The dog is just a dog, growing from small ball of cuteness to a hug tub of stuff, and he is certainly charming...for a dog. The rest of the cast (insert your David Duchovny X-Files joke here) isn't bad, they certainly work well with each other. The movie has some quirky moments, and while it isn't really that funny, it's a decent family flick, harmless to say the least.

And yes, I will review the sequel soon.

Overall, I give it 6 out of 10 stars.

Movie Night: Jingle All the Way.

Review #491: Jingle All The Way.

Cast
Arnold Schwarzenegger (Howard Langston), Sinbad (Myron Larabee), Phil Hartman (Ted Maltin), Rita Wilson (Liz Langston), Jake Lloyd (Jamie Langston), Robert Conrad (Officer Hummell), Martin Mull (D.J.), and James Belushi (Mall Santa) Directed by Brian Levant.

Review
The first and (thankfully) only Christmas film that Arnold Schwarzenegger did, Jingle All The Way is the perfect way to depress your Christmas, and is a great way to waste 90 minutes of your life. The film likes to have action that barely makes any sense, especially with the jet pack, but my "favorite" part is the brawl with the Mail Santas, but seeing Schwarzenegger beat some...fraudulent mall santas is enjoyable. Speaking of which, Schwarzenegger looks like he just walked into the film at random, and to be fair, he technically did, joining production 9 months prior to production, but at least he is memorable, especially with his line deliveries, with such lines like "Who told you you could eat my cookies?" and Put that cookie down!", but I digress. But of course, Sinbad is around to...pester the audience, I suppose. Hartman isn't given much to do other then play a smarmy character, and the rest of the cast isn't much better, but what do you expect from a film that cares about hammering the commercial aspects of Christmas then plot/characterization? Turboman this, Turboman that, the film hammers in the point that apparently people will trample each other for...a toy. I already knew that, but I guess showing love for your son in the form of a toy is the most magical part of Christmas, next to the relatives fighting and the fruitcake. If you are really, really hard pressed to find a Christmas film to watch...I still wouldn't recommend it.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.