Bordello of Blood.

Review #2621: Bordello of Blood.

Cast: 

Dennis Miller (Rafe Guttman), Erika Eleniak (Katherine Verdoux), Angie Everhart (Lilith), Chris Sarandon (Reverend J.C. Current), Corey Feldman (Caleb Verdoux), Aubrey Morris (McCutcheon), Phil Fondacaro (Vincent Prather), Juliet Reagh (Tallulah), Kiara Hunter (Tamara), Eli Gabay (Miguel), Matt Hill (Reggie), Eric Keenleyside (Sheriff Noonan), with John Kassir (the voice of the Crypt Keeper; Brock Winkless as puppeteer), and William Sadler (Mummy) Directed by Gilbert Adler.

Review: 

You might remember Demon Knight (1995) was actually pretty decent, all things considered for a siege horror movie that tried to make Tales from the Crypt a film franchise. Sure, the tease for a zombie tale around New Orleans ("Dead Easy") didn't come to fruition, because Universal Studios decided fairly late in pre-production to turn it all around. But surely there had to be something with a movie that had a story from Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale (a script that was written as old as the 1980s). Or not, because the story ended up being done by A.L. Katz and Gilbert Adler (Gale stated that the changes made were so bad that he never saw the film after the early cut). Producer Joel Silver got his way with casting, so instead of Daniel Baldwin as the lead and Robin Givens for the adversary...you get Dennis Miller paired against Angie Everhart. Adler had been a director on two episodes of the show (as well as producer) before directing this film, the only theatrical effort he has ever done (he has since been a producer on a litany of movies such as Valkyrie [2008]). 

The shoot and script of the film ended up going through the wringer with its key presences: Miller improvised nearly every line of his dialogue and even with a shoot that was rescheduled to work around his HBO show (effectively shooting on weekends), he was "too tired" at certain points to actually show up, for which some scenes were shot with a stand-in. Eleniak apparently wanted to take the movie seriously as an actress (to the point where she did not come out of her trailer besides filming) and reportedly wanted changes to the script to make her character not be a stripper but instead a religious advocate; she contended that her big line of contention was not wanting a "sexy" scene between her and Everhart specifically because it wasn't on the script while noting her disappointment at script changes that meant her character's secret past of being an ex-porn 300 pound star was deleted. On a budget of roughly $2.5 million, the movie barely made over double of its budget back. There were no more "Tales from the Crypt presents" movies, although Ritual (2002) later had a home video release with a newly filmed intro of the Crypt Keeper.

I should mention this is an 87-minute movie, but only 80 when taking out the credits. The first seven minutes show you an introduction involving the key from the last movie being used to help subdue a great vampire before you get interrupted with a three-minute interlude to see a mummy and the Cryptkeeper engage in a silly conversation about films. You get quickly to the title of the film involving a bordello and, well, vampire prostitutes. Unfortunately, you also get to Dennis Miller around the 21-minute mark. My first worry upon seeing his first scene was "oh God, is he going for a discount version of Jim Rockford from The Rockford Files?" It may interest you to know this is the first (and so far only) movie with Miller as a lead presence, and I'm sure at least someone in their mid-thirties or forties know about Miller as a stand-up comedian/talk show host in his heyday. With basically an hour of what you might term a performance, let's start with a ripoff of one of his jokes: the only difference between a bad performance and a tired performance is that in a bad performance you hear every single problem, and in a tired performance you see it. He really thought he could just yuk it up and coast on his lines ("I Feel like I'm in a bad Tales from the Crypt episode" - you are in a bad one!), and to call it embarrassing would be an understatement, because there is no semblance of charm found here. 

If you don't care about the lead in a vampire comedy, what's there to care about for the rest on down? Eleniak might actually be outclassed by Everhart (who has the excuse of little acting experience as a model), who at least gives you some sort of campy enjoyment whereas the other looks as if they actually would be better off being in a Baywatch episode. Feldman*, Sarandon, and Fondacaro just seem to have little to actually do before getting to bite the dust. My god, they made a movie with vampires operating a whorehouse and did the bare minimum! The attempted angle of positioning a seedy reverend getting in league with vampires to deal with sinners could've been something, but it all just comes off as lazy, as if they didn't have anything else to really go with the creatures besides killer tongues and not being captured on video camera. When you do a sequence of vampires getting taken down to "Ballroom Blitz" via holy water-filled super-soakers and just roll your eyes, you know you are in trouble. It isn't even worth getting down to the climax, where I guess it doesn't really matter to cut a heart of a vampire and take 'em out completely if it wasn't for the silly little matter of "surprise" endings (even Tales from the Darkside had better ideas). As a whole, there are a few decent effects and gore to accompany the movie, but Bordello of Blood never rises above lazy B-movie standards with actual commitment or charm to make it worth it. 

Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Next up: Messiah of Evil.

Song of the day!

*The actual joke told by Miller as found on Wikipedia: "The only difference between group sex and group therapy is that in group therapy you hear about everyone's problems, and in group sex you see them."

*Feldman is a weird guy in many matters: this matter or the one non-laughing matter.

The Wicker Man (1973).

Review #2289: The Wicker Man.

Cast: 

Edward Woodward (Sgt. Neil Howie), Christopher Lee (Lord Summerisle), Britt Ekland (Willow MacGregor; Annie Ross as voice and Rachel Verney as singing voice), Lesley Mackie (Daisy), Diane Cilento (Miss Rose), Ingrid Pitt (Librarian), Lindsay Kemp (Alder MacGregor), Ian Campbell (Oak), Russell Waters (Harbour Master), and Aubrey Morris (Old Gardener/Gravedigger) Directed by Robin Hardy.

Review: 

"When you get into The Wicker Man, Tony and I decided to do a film which was kind of a reverse Hammer film -- a Hammer film which was actually about, or used, the reality of all the witchcraft nonsense that Hammer had used. And there we decided to do a story which used the old religion as part of a game -- in other words: if you could understand that the clues we littered about the script were telling you that we were in a pagan world, then you started to realize and indeed dread what was going to happen."

Sure, you never really know what is going on in the eyes of certain religious folk. The genesis for what became this film was a desire by Christopher Lee to make something different from the Hammer films that he had been doing for over a decade. He met with Anthony Schaffer (the writer of Frenzy and Sleuth) and came to an idea to work together. Robin Hardy, who had a film company partnership with Shaffer for over a decade (where he did commericals and information films), became involved as a director. In 1971, the rights to the 1967 novel Ritual, as written by David Pinner (he had turned it from an intended film treatment to a novel) were purchased; as Pinner put it, "the basic idea and the structure" of his book is in The Wicker Man, albeit with less humor; one piece of research Shaffer used was James George Frazer's The Golden Bough. Owing to the situation of the studio behind the film (i.e. a buyout), different versions of the film persisted: the original release was 87 minutes after trimming was forced upon Hardy. The movie received a few notices even with limited press, but one magazine soon called it "the Citizen Kane of horror movies". In 2013, "The Final Cut", apparently the most complete version possible of the film intended by Hardy (read further about the weird history here). Hardy returned to write and direct a film thirteen years later with The Fantasist (1986) before serving as writer for The Bulldance [1989]. Shaffer apparently wrote an idea for a follow-up film in "The Loathsome Lambton Worm", which would've somehow involved considerable effects sequences and basically undoing the ending of the first film.  An American rendition of the Wicker Man was released in 2006 to a distinct reception from anyone who saw it, you might say. That same year, Hardy's novel Cowboys for Christ was published that dealt in similar ideas of paganism and Christianity with American interlopers. Five years later, it served as the basis for the 2011 film The Wicker Tree, which was directed by Hardy with a cameo appearance by Lee. He attempted to make a third film but nothing came out of it prior to his death in 2016 at the age of 86.

You really do have to just go with the film with as little to know as possible, which is amusing to say for a film where the one big shot of the film is so hard to forget. The horror that comes out in a film like this is one of sacrifice where the clues really are just in sight for those who look beyond saying the obvious about man and their devotion to a power beyond themselves. The film is all about people who have a reverence for the music (yes, really) and the rituals of an old one that requires a love and fear relationship with nature and to appease it when the time is right in ways that simply clash when it comes to the reckoning of sacrifice. You know how much Christopher Lee loved doing this film? He actually did the film for free, complete with doing a publicity tour all about getting critics to see and talk about the film. Lee plays the game with all of the air required of an actor with commitment and pride required that demands he play it right to the bone of someone who you really believe could live among the animals. Leader and devotee, his charisma may be at its peak here. Woodward was cast because after the role was rejected by David Hemmings and Michael York. His commitment (and subsequent appreciation of the film) is quite apparent for a role that with a lesser actor would've been just played it completely for bland rigidness, but he manages to come off completely fascinating because of just what we see in his reaction to the place around him in matching dedicated belief, particularly with the sequence between him and Lee about the practices of the island and which gods are alive in the modern parlance. The rest of the cast does well in selling the devotion needed for a film that doesn't play anyone out as just a kook but instead lets it all out (some with more flesh than others). The ending is the perfect way to close it all out in the logical conclusion of trying to tie the community all the way together in faith, complete with one great last shot in the sun. It is a devilishly unnerving movie to see play out and while I'm not sure if it is my favorite Lee film, I sure can see why he was all in on making it all count where it mattered most in commitment, which matches well with the direction and writing for a solid thrilling folk tale.

Overall, I give it 9 out of 10 stars.

Next up: with a week to Halloween, the slate of films before October 31 promises to be spectacular, ranging from Cat People (1982) all the way down the line. 

Lifeforce.

Review #2134: Lifeforce.

Cast: 

Steve Railsback (Col. Tom Carlsen), Peter Firth (Col. Colin Caine), Frank Finlay (Dr. Hans Fallada), Mathilda May (Space Girl), Patrick Stewart (Dr. Armstrong), Michael Gothard (Dr. Leonard Bukovsky), Nicholas Ball (Roger Derebridge), Aubrey Morris (Sir Percy Heseltine), Nancy Paul (Ellen), Sidney Livingstone (Ned Price), and John Hallam (Lamson) Directed by Tobe Hooper (#348 - Poltergeist, #1297 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, #1909 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2)

Review: 

"Lifeforce had a great look but lacked a screenplay. There wasn't a hell of a lot that could be done about that except to change it completely. The film started off as Space Vampires, and that's actually what it should've been called. With that title you'd look at that picture with a completely different set of sunglasses!"

I know that beating the drum for Tobe Hooper seems a bit futile once I get to some of his later films, but damn it, the director made The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Poltergeist (1982 - anyone who calls it some sort of "Spielberg" effort is not worth their salt as a film viewer). Anybody who directs two pretty good horror films (and directs a TV adaptation of a Stephen King book that I can't even fathom watching because it was made for TV) can't really have failed to live to their potential. The film is based on the 1976 book The Space Vampires, as written by Colin Wilson, a writer who specialized in the genres of true crime, mysticism and paranormal. He apparently was influenced by the works of H.P. Lovecraft for this story, which deal with energy vampires. Of course, the film is set around the time of the flyby of Hailey's Comet (which occurred in 1986, as opposed to the future in the book) due to suggestion by Hooper to the screenplay writers in Dan O'Bannon and Don Jakoby (they weren't big on the Comet thing, but who cares?). Apparently, Wilson thought little of the film, once saying, "John Fowles had once told me that the film of The Magus was the worst movie ever made. After seeing Lifeforce I sent him a postcard telling him that I had got one better." There exist two cuts: a theatrical cut that lasted 101 minutes and an "international cut" that lasted 116, with most of the edits involving less time with the spaceship. I was fortunate enough to see the international cut, which basically means lines for a handful of actors that were basically cut out of the theatrical version. Michael Winner apparently was considered for the film as director before Hooper got into it, which is one produced by none other than Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan as the first of three that Hooper did for The Cannon Group, who apparently influenced the idea to call it "Lifeforce" because they thought calling it after the book's title would make it sound like one of their low-budget exploitation films. Who the hell did they think was going to see this film, esteemed members of culture that would give Hooper or the Cannon folks credit?

Admittedly, the reputation of the film is more of a "maybe it could be a cult thing" than anything, because it really verges on what one gets from having an international version to compare things to. Well, that, and it is basically a pastiche of stuff you would've seen in those Quatermass films from a few years back along with a bit of O'Bannon's previous work in Alien (1979). The key to the film in the end is in just going with the flow of its strange bubble of energy that has some frights within vampires of energy, ghost ships, a climax set upon St. Paul's Cathedral, vampires that apparently love to wear as little clothes as possible. You've got the British with their own space program to go with spaceships that was apparently modeled after an artichoke, how could you not see this coming? I wonder what the result for Hooper would have been if this film had come out after, say, Invaders from Mars (released in 1986, which had O'Bannon and Jakoby write for it as well), rather than his big effort directing Poltergeist (1982). I suppose people really didn't think Hooper had a spry tribute to Hammer in his cards, and that's too bad for those folks, because the film is pretty enjoyable. May (in her second film role that happens to be her most notable one) makes a suitable presence in hypnotic form that invites mayhem in a manner that is not just an excuse for skin gawking. Railsback and Firth are curious observers to have for leads, particularly since one is meant to have a "psychic connection" to the vampire. They seem about on par with the general attention one would have spent with a Hammer film when it comes to looking at some weird creatures and fun that don't make them seem embarrassed to be there. Okay, maybe Stewart seems a bit miffed to be here, but you would be too if you take all the time necessary to show up for a predictable fate when compared to say, Finlay. The climax is the kind of one where you just throw your hands up and go with it if you like it or just thank the one above that it means its all over. I enjoyed the weird way it crashes all down, because at least the threat is at least presented with some sort of threat levels beyond just saying "huh?". As a whole, it is a frenzied little mystery with a few curious effects and some evident enthusiasm for making a pastiche of the old horror films of the Hammer stuff that is pretty entertaining even in its hurried strangeness to make a film you could at least see once without too much trouble. I can't call it a pretty good one, but Hooper made his efforts count at any rate.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

It is Halloween: The Week After, Year Five. As per tradition, the horror invasion from October continues from November 1st until November 7th, which has seen 22 reviews of all the things you would expect, from the very first in Dracula (1979) to last year's stuff such as 3 From Hell (2021). Let's set the tone differently with The Last House on the Left (1972).