Review #491: Jingle All The Way.
Cast
Arnold Schwarzenegger (Howard Langston), Sinbad (Myron Larabee), Phil Hartman (Ted Maltin), Rita Wilson (Liz Langston), Jake Lloyd (Jamie Langston), Robert Conrad (Officer Hummell), Martin Mull (D.J.), and James Belushi (Mall Santa) Directed by Brian Levant.
Review
The first and (thankfully) only Christmas film that Arnold Schwarzenegger did, Jingle All The Way is the perfect way to depress your Christmas, and is a great way to waste 90 minutes of your life. The film likes to have action that barely makes any sense, especially with the jet pack, but my "favorite" part is the brawl with the Mail Santas, but seeing Schwarzenegger beat some...fraudulent mall santas is enjoyable. Speaking of which, Schwarzenegger looks like he just walked into the film at random, and to be fair, he technically did, joining production 9 months prior to production, but at least he is memorable, especially with his line deliveries, with such lines like "Who told you you could eat my cookies?" and Put that cookie down!", but I digress. But of course, Sinbad is around to...pester the audience, I suppose. Hartman isn't given much to do other then play a smarmy character, and the rest of the cast isn't much better, but what do you expect from a film that cares about hammering the commercial aspects of Christmas then plot/characterization? Turboman this, Turboman that, the film hammers in the point that apparently people will trample each other for...a toy. I already knew that, but I guess showing love for your son in the form of a toy is the most magical part of Christmas, next to the relatives fighting and the fruitcake. If you are really, really hard pressed to find a Christmas film to watch...I still wouldn't recommend it.
Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.
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