Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.

Review #2572: Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.

Cast:

Mickey Rourke (Harley Davidson), Don Johnson (Robert Lee "Marlboro Man" Edison), Chelsea Field (Officer Virginia Slim), Tom Sizemore (Chance Wilder), Daniel Baldwin (Alexander), Vanessa Williams (Lulu Daniels), Giancarlo Esposito (Jimmy Jiles), Robert Ginty (Thom), Tia Carrere (Kimiko), Big John Studd (Jack Daniels), Julius Harris ('The Old Man' Jiles), Eloy Casados (Jose Cuervo), and Kelly Hu (Suzie) Directed by Simon Wincer.

Review: 

You're never going to believe this: a buddy biker action movie (that could also be called a "neo-Western") that wasn't a hit on release. The film was directed by one Simon Wincer, an Australian director that had done plenty of television before becoming a film guy with such movies as Snapshot (1979), D.A.R.Y.L. (1985) and Quigley Down Under (1990). The original script was written by aspiring actor Don Michael Paul that apparently took inspiration from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid [1969] (which is strange because the movie has exactly one robbery while Cassidy features multiple robberies and a failed attempt at going straight, although a "super-posse" does sound pretty prevalent in both). It soon found a deal with MGM (at the time in hell with Giancarlo Parretti in management) and a quick turnaround with Wincer and company (you might be wondering - Paul? Yes, that's correct, Paul ended up being the writer/director for Half Past Dead [2002]*). Sure, Johnson and Rourke were mostly in it to try and get out of career ruts, but they apparently had a decent time making the movie. Released on August 23, 1991 (the same week as movies such as Dead Again) with little expectations from even MGM's own president at the time with a budget of roughly $18 million, the movie made less than half of that. Wincer went on to make a string of movies that surely sound normal: Free Willy (1993), that movie with a big whale in it, Lightning Jack (1994), an ill-fated attempt at a Paul Hogan vehicle (?), Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), a movie involving an elephant in the Vietnam War (no, really), and The Phantom (1996), a comic strip movie with a big purple costumed hero.

The heroes being named after brands was, well, not trying to sell cigarettes (which suck anyway*) or motorcycles. The real movie basically starts about nearly an hour after the heist is done and it's just two folks riding around trying to make the best of the fact that one can barely shoot a gun and the other wears duct-tape boots. Rourke was there solely for the money because of a string of flops and decided that as a 39-year-old in 1991 to do, and I'm not kidding, focus his time on boxing (he wound up doing a few fights around the world before going back to acting). Meanwhile, the elder Johnson (i.e. early forties) was still hoping to branch out from being more than Crockett from Miami Vice (hey, in fairness, he was fine in A Boy and His Dog [1975]). Even with that type of freewheeling attitude, there is still a veneer of interest in watching these people meander across the screen engaging in the most predictable type of adventure imaginable because they do conjure up a smile for those who are familiar with wiseasses that should know better. It's the kind of movie for those who thought Tango & Cash (1989) or Stone Cold (1991) were sick as hell, honestly. What other movie goes around having characters spend 99 percent of the time in duct-taped boots to go along with stunts of jumping onto pools or say, a person falling off a motorcycle just so it rolls at a group of people (who naturally all jump over it at the same time)? Or arm wrestling / bar fights? 

Much like the film, there are no excuses for what I do (see, I do crib quotes) in saying that this was a pretty decent movie in basically exploring two people that don't really know what they want besides having as much as possible before, well, the ride of the grim reaper hits. It just happens to be a movie where folks decide to rob a bank threatening to foreclose their favorite bar. Sure, it doesn't have much for Field to really do opposite Johnson (Williams also gets exactly one scene that doesn't involve singing), and sure, Baldwin and Sizemore don't get that much to particularly do as the primary adversaries (one basically travels in a straight line with other black-coated dudes but you still go, "cool"), and sure, it's a movie that hinges on selling drugs *back* to the people they robbed (equal opportunity robbers that don't love addictive drugs, what a pairing) but I got a kick out of its entertainment value. When your favorite place gets trashed (or in the modern sense, bought out or turned lame) by a bunch of stooges from a bank (capital?) just because they can, yeah, I would think wish fulfillment in getting revenge sounds like a fun time for 98 minutes, quite honestly. 35 years haven't exactly elevated it all the way to a cult movie, but it is the kind of curious movie to watch get on the road to ass-kicking and a few chuckles along the way.

Overall, I give it 7 out of 10 stars.

Song of the day!

Next up: At last, a movie title worthy for this month: Freaked.

*Supposedly, Johnson had his friend Sean "Arizona Slim" Walsh (a Miami Vice script doctor) and Jay Helfert write the pool hall scene that introduces his character. Wikipedia is fairly trustworthy on select movies, but I prefer a clickable link, so who knows?

*Movie Night explicitly says that cigarettes are a shitty product in every shape or form. Hell, that goes for vaping too. 

*I really should watch Rourke in The Wrestler, I keep forgetting to do that one. A whole lot easier to justify than watching Sean Penn in Milk, that's for sure. 

Warrior of the Lost World.

Review #1929: Warrior of the Lost World.

Cast: 

Robert Ginty (The Rider), Persis Khambatta (Nastasia), Donald Pleasence (Prossor), Fred Williamson (Henchman), Harrison Muller Sr (McWayne), Philip Dallas (Elder), and Laura Nucci (Elder) Written and Directed by David Worth.

Review: 

Making a rip-off of Mad Max is bad enough but being a low rent knock-off is the true crime when it comes to boredom inducing schlock. You've got all the ingredients for boredom here: weirdo nomad mercenaries that have the acting chops of drywall, high-tech motorcycles that beep dialogue at you, and a totally evil government headlined by a bald evildoer. At director was David Worth, who got his start as a cinematographer in the 1970s that added directing to his output with films such as Poor Pretty Eddie (1975). In later years, the Los Angeles natie served as cinematographer to mainstream works such as Bronco Billy (1980) and Bloodsport (1988). although his most noted film as director is probably Kickboxer (1989). Although he is now over eighty years old, he apparently keeps busy in the movie business. So yes, what else is featured in the film: weird "Enlightened" supernatural beings that have a wall that people could just bump into like our main character that have a "New Way" as rebels. You've got a woman interest who gets guys into saving their dad by threatening to shoot the hero in the balls. Don't forget the real highlight: A Megaweapon truck that could beat the hell out of most armed forces...except one guy and his weirdo plan while weirdly sounded gunfire is in the background. The torture scenes aren't even something worth getting hysterical over. To top it all off, the movie even sequel baits itself at the end, made more amusing with an awkward kiss between our heroes. The philosophy of the movie is one you've heard from other movies, only now there are punks to join the cause, so that's interesting, I guess?

It is a bland B-movie, silly to make fun of in how much of a rip-off of better things it ultimately is, one that even has the balls to having an opening text crawl. The 92 minutes roll off with bland amusement, where seeing the talking motorcycle might be the most interesting sequence in the film. Ginty is a total non-entity in this film, somehow coming off as a bad impersonation of both Clint Eastwood and Kurt Russell. This offbeat attempt at a Mad Max-Western mixup proves pretty bad when you don't have an interesting lead actor to carry things. I guess Williamson would've been cooler if he was in the film for more than three little scenes. Muller looks like he wanted to play a stiff leader in the vein of something like a politician, but he only ends up as a stiff board. When it comes to performances, they all are pretty bad, but I respect Pleasence, dressed in a suit that might as well be Blofeld from You Only Live Twice, trying to keep things on a semi-solid level with his attempt at creeping villainy (at least what you might see from an actor in their mid 60s). However, since none of the other actors have anything remotely close to charisma, he ends up as the weird one to focus all your attention on. Hell, he outacts Khambatta, who might as well be confused with a broomstick. Things happen in the wasteland that might as well double for some random European dump that might mean that this would be extra primo material for someone to rip-off for their own silly movies, complete with making their own crappy gun effects. As a whole, the best way to enjoy this film is either as a riff or as a way to see better things mashed up together, which makes it an ideal day for a "turkey" spotlight.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.

Next Time: The Adventures of Pluto Nash.