Gor.

Review #1189: Gor.

Cast: 
Urbano Barberini (Tarl Cabot), Rebecca Ferratti (Talena), Jack Palance (Xenos), Paul L. Smith (Surbus), Oliver Reed (Sarm), Larry Taylor (King Marlenus), Graham Clarke (Drusus), and Janine Denison (Brandy) Directed by Fritz Kiersch.

Review: 
You may be wondering what exactly is Gor? Well, it refers a planet on the other side of Earth's orbit from the Earth that serves as the setting for sword and planet adventure novels written by John Norman, the pen name of John Frederick Lange, Jr (who serves as a professor of philosophy. Since writing the first installment of the series with Tarnsman of Gor in 1966, there have been 34 books that Norman has written and had published. In a decade with fantasy films like Conan the Barbarian, Willow, and several others, this manages to be just as laughable as one would expect from something that manages to make Red Sonja (1985) seem tolerable by comparison. Simply put, this is a miserable little movie to sit through, flailing around with ridiculous production value and actors that aren't too particularly interesting to follow along with, particularly with its lead. This is especially apparent in the first scene with a cheap-looking ring that serves important to the plot (for the beginning and ending, anyway) while having a socially awkward professor make his way to Gor by a car crash and lightning strike. Barberini would at first seem like the kind of guy suited more for action sequences than anything dealing with plot. This is erased by the fact that no one really is too particularly good with making convincing (or at least interesting) fight scenes. The character type of him having to learn to become a hero is done pretty silly, since he gets his training in one quick sequence. I barely noticed that he was supposed to have chemistry with Ferratti, honestly. The only one worth looking at is Reed, who mostly understates his lines (for better or worse) while having to wear a ridiculously framed costume that doesn't help him at all; his flailing for his death scene with an arrow to the neck is amusing, and he's the only sort of highlight in this clunker. Palance is given a high billing despite being in the film for less than five minutes in an attempt at sequel-bait (there was a sequel the following year named Outlaw of Gor released on video). The screenplay from Rick Marx and Harry Alan Towers (under the pseudonym Peter Welbeck) never feels epic in any sort of way, particularly when faced with a low budget and locations in South Africa that has a bunch of sand to it and not much else. It has the cliches from other, better movies, but it is a tiresome kind of movie that makes one aspire for any other kind of film, whether released by Cannon Films or someone else.

You would actually be better off watching plastic sword fighting in the neighborhood jungle gym (complete with sand doubling as fire) with a bunch of random music blaring in the background than this. There are movies that can use a low budget or modest cast to make an interesting adventure, but this is not one of them. It fails people looking for fantasy and it fails people looking for something daring with adventure.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.

Red Sonja.

Review #829: Red Sonja.

Cast
Brigitte Nielsen (Red Sonja), Arnold Schwarzenegger (Lord Kalidor), Sandahl Bergman (Queen Gedren of Berkubane), Paul L. Smith (Falkon), Ernie Reyes, Jr. (Prince Tarn), Ronald Lacey (Ikol), and Pat Roach (Lord Brytag) Directed by Richard Fleischer (#453 - Soylent Green, #460 - Doctor Dolittle, and #624 - Conan the Destroyer)

Review
Boy, is this one dull. It manages to make sword fights sound and look really boring, with no real sense of adventure to it, with a cast that can't liven material that ends in less then 90 minutes. It starts off with a spirit (looking as ridiculous as one would guess) giving our main character her powers, after she recollects the story of how she lost her parents to her (next time you replace a pet, tell them how the previous pet was replaced and see how that goes), with the opening sequence as a whole being somewhat ridiculous, which makes sense for a movie that never seems like it's trying hard enough. Nielsen doesn't really bring much to the character (based off the comic book character of the same name, who was inspired by the character Red Sonya in one of Robert E. Howard's short stories, named The Shadow of the Vulture) that isn't told to us. Sure, she can swing a sword fairly decently, but there never are any scenes where she stands out amidst the boring landscape and a story that feels padded. It makes sense that this came from the same director of Conan the Destroyer, considering both have the same caliber of hokey action and dull attempts at humor, with a kid prince no less. The effects are also nothing spectacular.

The "Icthyan Killing Machine" sequence is slow moving, never coming off as thrilling, though it almost comes off as cheesy due to Schwarzenegger riding on the "machine" in the water for a few moments. He doesn't have as much screen time as Nielsen (which makes sense, I know), but he is somewhat charming, in a cheesy way that is reflected especially in his scenes with Nielsen (there's one scene where they fight each other, and it's ridiculously dull and cheesy at the same time). One could say it's a quick film to get through, but that doesn't mean it's an easy film to get through, and the blame rests on a movie that either can't pull itself together and make these characters interesting or managing to make everything seem cheesier than it actually is. Bergman also does a somewhat laughable job as the villain, as one dimensional as paper, with motivations as random as it gets. I can't even tell which film is worse, this or Destroyer, though at least Arnold is in the latter one more, which I guess makes it slightly better. Red Sonja could've worked under better writing, but the movie as a whole is a mess of complacent numbness that only works for people looking for wooden characters.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 10 stars.

Movie Night: Maverick.

Review #619: Maverick.

Cast
Mel Gibson (Bret Maverick), Jodie Foster (Annabelle Bransford), James Garner (Marshal Zane Cooper), Graham Greene (Joseph), Alfred Molina (Angel), James Coburn (Commodore Duvall), Geoffrey Lewis (Matthew Wicker), Paul L. Smith (The Archduke), and Max Perlich (Johnny Hardin) Directed by Richard Donner (#355 - Lethal Weapon, #356 - Lethal Weapon 2, and #547 - Superman)

Review
The movie is based off the classic television show of the same name, which also had the late great James Garner in it. The movie uses a trio of actors that manage to do a great job together, especially Gibson and Garner, they share a really good act with each other and Foster is also excellent, very clever and very intriguing to watch. But what makes the movie just so awesome is how it manages to be not only a fine action movie, but also a good comedy as well, making for a really entertaining film. The supporting cast is delightful to watch, especially Molina and Coburn. They're practically irresistible to watch, even Coburn's beard. The card games are interesting to watch, even the riverboat is great to look at, it just looks so beautiful. This is a Western that just has fun, and it's a pleasure to see Garner and all of his charm in a film like this. It's a fantastic film that manages to not just a other adaptation of a TV show, it's a movie of its own that is just so fun.

On a sadder note, I would like to say rest in peace to James Garner, who died just two days ago. We will all miss James Garner, but we will always have movies (#559 - Grand Prix, The Thrill of It All, The Great Escape, Space Cowboys, etc) and TV shows (The Rockford Files, 8 Simple Rules) to remember him for, with his charm being especially one that will last forever.

Overall, I give it 9 out of 10 stars.