Cast:
Kirk Cameron (Kirk Cameron), Darren Doane (Christian White), Bridgette Ridenour (Kirk's sister), David Shannon (Diondre), Raphi Henly (Conspiracy Theorist), and Ben Kientz (St. Nick) Directed by Darren Doane.
Review:
“Why are Christians so joyless sometimes? It’s actually sad, it’s interesting how Christians will sort of pride themselves on saying hey don’t you know Christmas is a pagan holiday…We call this 2014 for the very reason that Christ was born and changed the world, he separated AD from BC, and we should celebrate that with 100 percent joy. There is no reason why you and I should not have 14-foot-tall Christmas tree and presents and caroling session with delicious food, because it is time to celebrate God becoming flesh.” - Kirk Cameron
You may or may not know who Kirk Cameron is. Well, he was best known for being one of the stars of Growing Pains, which ran from 1985 to 1992 that turned a kid actor into a teen star. He did a couple of films and television projects between this show, but for the most part, this is the thing he is best known, unless one counts his work in Christian-themed projects such as the Left Behind trilogy (2001-2005) and Fireproof (2008), since Cameron converted to Evangelical Christianity in the mid-1990s. Darren Doane must have enjoyed being a co-star in a film that he co-wrote (with Cheston Hervey) and directed, if only because this is the film he is generally known for, unless one counts a variety of concert films, music videos, and documentaries (such as Unstoppable (2013), which featured Cameron in a co-production with Liberty University, which is also the case with this film). Interestingly enough, he has made exactly one film as a director since this film, which was a documentary.
I will state for the record that I have nothing against religious movies or films that try to present a point-of-view that may or may not differ with what I believe. In fact, I steer clear of religious movies (for the most part) because of my lack of enthusiasm for trying to pry my eyes into what are probably good-intentioned films of faith (in other words, I don't find much to care about with films such as War Room (2015), at least not now). But I made an exception for this sniveling piece of dogcrap. Sure, Cameron may be a worthy target to make fun of when it comes to the Internet age, particularly since this film was released with his name on the film title, but what the hell do you really expect from a movie that says that every time you see a Christmas tree, "you're actually looking at an empty cross"? But I am getting ahead of myself. There are a handful of weird things to point out in an experience that proves that even Jehovah's Witnesses don't waste an hour of your time. The 79-minute run-time is a complete lie, since the movie is really only 62 minutes of real plot, five minutes of hip-hop dancing (no, seriously), and roughly 12 minutes of credits (ten of them being at the end, because the movie has the balls to have opening credits seven minutes after it has "started"). Keep in mind that the first four minutes is Kirk Cameron talking about how much he loves Christmas while drinking an empty cup of hot chocolate. But hey, if Kirk Cameron wants to counteract people supposedly saying to "tone down" the holiday spirit, what could go wrong?
Cameron may have actually had a good idea on his hands, but in reverse: he has the eyes that look like they would be good on a Devil figure, one who influences their friends to do weird things with "facts". If that doesn't suit you, I'll do you one better: the set-up to Doane's character makes it look like he could actually devolve into a serial killer for the Lord. Anyway, that opening scene only proves that when it comes to making movies that are "kind, compassionate, helpful, generous", Cameron has merely provided a kick to the nuts to anyone who isn't already highly religious. I understand his idea in trying to provide new stories to old symbols, but the result is a film with barely anything in it besides Kirk Cameron talking in gobbledygook about pagans (whether in a car or in monologue). Instead of a film that tries to remind one of what the spirit of Christmas is beyond just a tree, Cameron has instead made a movie that loosely ties Christmas traditions to the Bible along with commercialization. Hell, a movie that talked more about Saint Nicholas, the guy whose story that Santa Claus is inspired by, would be better than the throwaway segment shown here. It is a divine experience in the art of boredom, inspiring no sense of joy unless one thinks of mockery as truly the highest form of flattery. The only thing that this movie would possibly be more enjoyable in weirdness would be an atheist filming themselves "debunking" Christianity.
Notice how I don't even have to refer to previous comments of Kirk Cameron and his evangelical ministry The Way of the Master (as co-hosted with Ray Comfort) when it comes to making fun of him. This is obviously one of those movies made on the cheap while packing as many folks Cameron and Doane knew in some way, whether that meant the Ridenour families or even Cameron and Doane's children (to say nothing of Cameron's sister playing...Cameron's sister, which is amusing). Well, and Shannon, who gets to say such "interesting" lines such as talking about conspiracies like no crazy shirt Fridays or "straight power" or talking to a conspiracy guy behind coffee cups (????). By the time the movie finishes with Doane taking a bellyflop slide into the Christmas tree, the only thing one gets from this sniveling mess is that one can't tell how much of this dreck is the fault of Doane (co-writer, director, co-star) and how much is the fault of Cameron (star, executive producer). All of this would be pretty blah if it wasn't for the subsequent actions of Cameron. When he saw the reviews on sites such as Rotten Tomatoes (a zero rating from critics and a low rating from people on the site), he went online and called for people that loved the movie to give it a high rating that would "send the message to all the critics that WE decide what movies we want our families to see." He proceeded to believe that the movie is the target of a conspiracy between "haters" and "atheists". Sorry Kirk Cameron, but it doesn't take a person of religion or non-religion to say that your movie sucks. A decade will pass from the release of this film in a couple of years, and the movie will still be thought of as a piece of crap. A couple of years will pass to make it a quarter-century since it was release, and people will still be considered a piece of crap. Hell, the year of 2114 will come and go to commemorate a century since release (assuming that the Earth is alive), and you know what? The movie will still be considered a piece of unholy crap. Enjoy the holidays.
Overall, I give it 0 out of 10 stars.
Later today: The Wild World of Batwoman.
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