Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Review #1775: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Cast: 

Jay Ripley (Santa Claus, credited as Jay Clark), featuring "Kids" from Ruth Foreman's Pied Piper Playhouse [Charlie, David, Kathy, Mike, Kim Nicholas, Robin, Sandy, Scotty, Steve]

Listing depends on which "insert" version seen: [Thumbelina - Shay Garner (Thumbelina), Pat Morrell (Mrs. Mole), Bob O'Connell (Mr. Mole), Ruth McMahon (Mother), and Heather Grinter (The Witch)] or [Jack and the Beanstalk - Mitchell Poulous (Jack), Dorothy Stokes (Jack's mother), Renato Boracherro (The Giant), Chris Brooks (Honest John)] Directed by Richard Winer and Barry Mahon.

Review: 

Sometimes you need an experience that defies reason to remember just how much one should be grateful for true filmmaking. Sure, there are plenty of movies that can be easy to make fun of for their quality when it comes to how it is crafted or how the studio/producer/star wants to make it. But have you ever seen a movie like this? Never have I seen a movie where nearly the whole cast looks really, really, really bored to be there. I should mention that this was actually filmed at an amusement park called Pirate's World. Perhaps it is fate that the park actually closed three years after filming, since that park looks fairly miserable. Richard Winer was credited as "R. Winer" for his segment (involving Santa), with his only other directing credit being The Devil's Triangle (1971). However, one focuses their director attention on Mahon, who actually got his start in cinema by way of being pilot-turned-manager of Errol Flynn after Mahon had served in World War II. He produced (and sometimes directed) an eccentric assortment of films such as Errol Flynn features, cheap children's films like The Wonderful Land of Oz (1969; featured songwriters Linsenmann and Falco, who are present for songs here)...and nudie features. 

You might be wondering about Santa in the plot. That, or you may be gagging at the idea of how awful this film sounds. Well, it actually starts with his sleigh getting stuck in a Florida beach without reindeer. Poor Santa has to stay near the sleigh while wearing all of those hefty clothes, so his first step is to telepathically call children to his sleigh to call for help. A failed assortment of barn animals (?) are brought by the kids, but their failure (20 minutes in) means that Santa tells the, story of a fictional fairy tale character...well, it is either Thumbelina or Jack and the Beanstalk (each done by Mahon). The version I watched has the former, which is kind of like getting a bag of rocks instead a bag of air. One is probably just as bad as the other, but the unknown is probably just as miserable to ponder. Essentially, one gets two films for the price of none. Can you imagine narrating a fairy tale with the sound quality of an intercom? Well, enjoy Thumbelina like that, complete with sets that look like they came from a high school production. The costuming is quite weird, complete with frogs, moles, and birds that make me really wonder if this was actually some sort of weird trick to get anyone who watched it on some sort of watchlist (of course, the whole "moles offer marriage to Thumbelina" actually occurs in the tale, so who the hell knows?). Did I mention that "Tom Sawyer" and "Huckberry Finn" occasionally show up to comment on the action?

An hour later, one finally gets done with the story so they can come back to the miserable adventures of Santa. Right near the end of a 95 minute movie comes the arrival of the "Ice Cream Bunny". Just who is the bunny? Well, it is a bunny in a costume that blinks (and never talks) that drives a fire truck. In fact, the siren noise for the truck is probably the saddest sound noise that I have ever heard, complete with the fact that the children are singing over it (trying to, anyway). It ends...with the bunny taking Santa away to the joy of the children. Farm animals (and a man in a gorilla suit) can't take the sleigh off the beach, but if the bunny and Santa get away in the truck, the sleigh magically teleports back to the North Pole. This may actually be the most bizarre "Christmas movie" since Santa Claus (1959). Of course, this one is actually worse, since this is barely a holiday film to begin with, since the fairy tale is the longer aspect of the film anyway. Since the acting here is nonexistent (with half of it from Clark/Ripley sounding like a dub), it goes hand in hand with lackadaisical filmmaking from Winer & Mahon that makes for a weird sit to view. It hits rock bottom early and never gets up, fitting purely as something that might only be watchable so one can make fun of it. In that sense, it might be right for a holiday viewer looking for punishment. It is likely the worst holiday film I have ever seen.

Overall, I give it 0 out of 10 stars.

Next Time: something better.