Cast:
Nicolas Cage (Rayford Steele), Chad Michael Murray (Cameron "Buck" Williams), Cassi Thomson (Chloe Steele), Nicky Whelan (Hattie Durham), Jordin Sparks (Shasta Carvell), Lea Thompson (Irene Steele), Lance E. Nichols (Pastor Bruce Barnes), William Ragsdale (Chris Smith), Martin Klebba (Melvin Weir), Quinton Aaron (Simon), and Judd Lormand (Jim) Directed by Vic Armstrong.
Review:
Hey, remember Saving Christmas (2014), that religious film about the holidays with Kirk Cameron that made for quite the doozy for last year's Turkey Week? Well, how about another religious movie to help close this Turkey Week out, this time without the machinations of Cameron that got released in 2014 just as well? Religion is not a particularly strong subject for me, but I think we can draw the line to possibly look at those that try to push the idea of faith-based "entertainment" and, say, Passion of the Christ. Perhaps next year will be something even more drenched in dying for the sins of the hustle. So, what do we have here? In late 1995, Baptist evangelical Christian minister Tim LaHaye and writer Jerry B. Jenkins wrote a novel together called Left Behind. LaHaye came up with the idea of apocalyptic fiction involving the Rapture that made for plenty of notes for Jenkins to write books based on the notes. And yes, the inspiration came because LaHaye saw a married pilot flirting with a flight attendant. In total, there were sixteen books written from 1995 to 2007 to go along with a barrage of novellas done for children fittingly called "Left Behind: The Kids". The book series generated interest for a film that led to rights being optioned by the beginning of the new millennium, which eventually found its way to Cloud Ten Pictures (as founded by the Lalonde brothers of Peter and Paul). The result was a 2000 adaptation that had Kirk Cameron as the lead with an initial direct-to-video release before a limited theatrical release. There were two further direct-to-video sequels, but the funny thing is that LaHaye disliked the films enough to sue the production company, and eventually he gained a chance to do his own film attempt. I particularly like the ambition of wanting to "enter the movie theater with a first-class, high-quality movie that is grippingly interesting, but also is true to the biblical storyline". Anyway, two years after that lawsuit, Cloud Ten got the rights back and decided to begin again with Left Behind, with Paul LaLonde and John Patus doing the screenplay. Vic Armstrong, a stunt coordinator with one directorial credit in Joshua Tree (1993), was hired to direct. In the year of films such as God's Not Dead (2014), Left Behind was a $16 million film that did make a profit of sorts. There have since been two other Left Behind films, one based on the kid novellas and the other being Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist that came out this year, complete with crowdfunding (everyone has a hustle, here's one where someone needs the money to get back up doing all of those books as a multi-film series) and a whole different cast.
Consider the quotes of LaHaye: "It is the best movie I have ever seen on the rapture" and Jenkins: "I believe it does justice to the novel and will renew interest in the entire series. It's better than good." Now consider the film itself. Do I really need to lay out just how bad the film is? Okay, I'm sure you remember the four selections of Airport films over the years. Each of those were boring in their own ways when it comes to that art of trying to not just be about terror in the skies with growing terrible quality of actual star power and execution. Okay, Left Behind is Airport if it was made by the world's biggest narcoleptic. I can't believe that Nicolas Cage was involved in such a bland film, but my eyes and ears did not lie to me, this was probably the dullest experience you could have that involved a plane. There is no sense of scope with this film, because even the Rapture is handled with such strange lowkey timing. Apparently, all the children are raptured, and I remember that when I was a kid, I once tricked a fellow kid into Googling a certain type of waffle (okay maybe some kids aren't little ba-you get the idea). The cities may look like they are being ravaged by the lack of certain people, but then you see shots that look cleanly free of damaged buildings until the sequel baiting final shot. Religion or not, there is no sense of interest in actually inspiring anything in the viewer when it comes to raptures or in the people that are left over that can only be described in bland platitudes or "the singer that doesn't sing" or "the pirate from Pirates of the Carribean". Who was this movie made for? People who needed 110 minutes to take a nap, or people who need to see what bad editing looks like? It presents boring people with faith and boring people with a lack of it, gee, what a good idea to show the Christian folks. Did the money go to paying the cast or to the accountants? As you might remember, Cage was reported as taking roles left-and-right to help stave off a tax debt around this time. You can see it on display here. He can't give this crap any sort of dramatic heft, particularly since it is mired in autopilot with plane drama that can't even make two planes passing by seem anything other than just a minor inconvenience. Good god, imagine trying to have scenes of would-be adultery-turned-liar revelry with Whelan seem like it was dinner theater night. Murray can at least say a random episode of One Tree Hill had more for him to actually do. Thomson is stuck on the set of the grounds of mildly inconvenient rioting that, you know, this is a film that can't even show the Antichrist, so I'm just going to phone it in here. Klebba being punted out of the plane onto a safe spot is probably the most amusing thing of the whole film. This would make a good doubleheader with Saving Christmas - both films are dubious in their intentions of trying to reach a religious audience, but the latter is repugnant in its construction of "facts" and in its star while this is just straight boring. Unless you want to see what "The Skydivers of religious movies" is, I'd stick to doing anything else than watching this, like hearing a drunk man talk about Israel. But hey, what do I know...
Overall, I give it 1 out of 10 stars.
Congratulations, you have seen the end of Turkey Week 4. What a fun crop of crap, eh? There were plenty of candidates to make the nine-film shortlist that either couldn't be found to satisfy the curiosity or just didn't seem ripe right now, such as: An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, Moment by Moment, The Legend of the Lone Ranger, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The Conqueror, An American Hippie In Israel, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Parting Shots, Showgirls, and Striptease.
Turkey Week The Fifth will be November 24-30, 2024 - suggestions are always welcome.
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