I Am Here....Now.

Review #2146: I Am Here....Now.

Cast: 

Neil Breen (The Being), Joy Senn (Amber), Elizabeth Sekora (Cindy), George Gingerelli (Corporate Executive), Maraud Ford (Gang Leader), Jason Perrin (Politician), Ron Schoenewolf (Corporate Lawyer), Herbert Allen (Man in Wheelchair), Ali Banks (Man in Pickup Truck / Gang Member), and Tommie Vegas (Girl in Pickup Truck) Written, Produced, and Directed by Neil Breen (#1767 - Fateful Findings and #1925 - Double Down)

Review: 

"When I used to go to see the first screenings of films like...I Am Here....Now, I'd be in the back of the theater listening to the audience. The audience may chuckle at parts that I never intended, but in the second half of the film they sort of begin to get it." - Neil Breen

I think there is a sort of accomplishment in making the same kind of boring movie three times in a row. His first film in Double Down (2005) involved Neil Breen playing a CIA agent that liked to eat tuna from the can and put on his medals on a denim vest while talking over a good deal of the film. The earlier film was apparently Breen's learning lesson when it came to making a theatrical film, so here we are with his second feature film (I hear he made some short films, but the world may not be prepared for the short Breen experience). The gall that comes from making such nonsense with hustle is why folks who know the Breen go to see the Breen. Can one pigeonhole Breen as a filmmaker without seeming weird? (I once heard someone who didn't want to call his films midnight movies because he didn't want to "ghettoize" in any particular way). One thing is for sure, it is quite interesting to make it hard to get those earlier films when it comes to online purchases, but thankfully the Internet is useful for finding copies for times like these. Here we have a film where he plays a being that basically is the Messiah but with computer boards attached to him (as so generously shown in one of the numerous stock video moments shown in the introduction, which is longer than it takes to eat a sandwich). Pass Thru (2016), Breen's fourth film, would feature him play an entity again (this time AI from the future) to try and cleanse millions of harmful humans. Breen and Turkey Week is the perfect combo.

Species disappointment has never felt so amusing, particularly with the number of times one sees a cut to Breen seemingly looking like a zombie. Running down the whole film would be a chore, because the fact that there are multiple uses of plastic baby heads (the intro and for a baby in a stroller) is more than enough to highlight. Just watch the intro alone, where he notices a couple drinking before the man tries to play Russian roulette and shoot up a needle and then sees the Being and tries shooting it. I especially like that the Being can resist two bullets to the chest but needs to steal the clothes and the car of someone just to get out of the desert. We've got evil folks talking about their evil plans in the same manner anytime they are on screen to go with Beings that like to lurk around to look at folks that go from having romance (hey, want to see Breen without a T-shirt?) to making folks bleed from their eyes after said person shoved a man in a wheelchair. Okay, okay, listing all the things that happen may be a bit much, but I want to hammer the point that this is probably the least worthy of Breen's first three films when it comes to overall execution. Breen has a clear interest in talking about issues that seem to really matter to him such as corruption or exploitation, but he goes about it in the most arcane of ways that talk in circles in the oddest of languages that might as well be "Breenlish". Apparently, Breen has said that he recruits actors by way of Craigslist ads. God, those ads must be really enticing, since he does his own catering and all. The ending is probably the most bewildering of all: the Being takes those evil folks and decides to put them on those crosses one saw in the beginning. I'm not quite sure how this stuff gets him to give the planet a second chance, but I guess boning folks or turning paraplegics into young folks to partner with women really shifts your perceptions. As a whole, if you are here for the curiosity of where Breen went with his second effort, well, you know it is going to be wrapped in all of the same twists and turns of narrative ass-pull that could only be done by someone with the seeming interest in either making films with all of what he wants to say as the strange re-incarnation of Tom Laughlin, or one who really is playing the great practical joke on us all. Regardless of where one finds Breen in terms of man or man in the box trying to play director, I Am Here....Now has a bit for everyone in sludgefest turkey entertainment. 

Overall, I give it 1 out of 10 stars.

Next: The Apple.